


Mein Engel

by Jajabinxx



Series: Lucy [2]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: BDSM, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Kidnapping, Modeling, Obsession, Older Man/Younger Woman, Panic Attacks, Sexual Assault, Smut, Stalking, Thriller, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-10-06 03:06:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 72,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10324160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jajabinxx/pseuds/Jajabinxx
Summary: Lucy's finally happy with her life. She's moved on from the nightmare she shared with Richard and has found love with Till.But for how long will the happiness last? What could be trying to tear them apart?





	1. Mein Engel

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second installment of the series 'Lucy'. I'd recommend reading the first installment, 'My Little Doll' before reading this. You don't have to for this story to make sense, but it will clarify some things and set the foundation for this story. 
> 
> To everyone that has read the previous story and enjoyed it, I hope that this one will live up to expectations. Enjoy.

_*Click*_

I turn the silver key unlocking my front door. I fumble a little with my keys, almost dropping them as I remove it from the lock; I think I’ve had a little too much to drink. I push the door open and my hand blindly runs up and down the wall, trying to feel for the light switch.

Ah, there it is.

_*Click*_

I go to step inside, but as I do, my foot catches the lip of the stair into my house; and I feel myself fall.

In my slightly intoxicated state I have somehow misjudged my familiar stairs and I brace myself for impact. But lucky for me; I feel two large arms wrap around me, saving me from the hard polished timber floor.  

“Ooh, thank you good sir!” I playfully say, trying to sound as proper as I can in my influenced state. “If it were not for you, I would have fallen!”

I go to stand up properly and walk away, but the two big arms grab me tighter, effortlessly lifting me up, Till throwing me over his shoulder.

“Not so fast” his deep voice commands, “I see that I cannot trust you to walk on your own, my dear lady”.

I start to giggle hysterically at the comicality of it all as Till steps inside, me in haul. He playfully slaps my ass, catching me off guard a little. I let out a surprised scream in response out into the street that’s disappearing with every step Till takes.

“You’ll wake the neighbors” he says, kicking the door closed behind him before he makes his way to the bedroom.

“Let them hear it!” I playfully yell.

“You’d like that would you?” Till asks a little surprised, pushing the bedroom door open.

“I know you would…” I say, teasingly. And with that he playfully throws me on the bed, with as much ease as it was for him lifting me up in the first place. I sit up on the bed and look at my large man, staring me down from the foot of the bed.

“Would I now…?” he asks, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

I kick my black pump heels off and push them off the bed. Till kicks his shoes off too, his eyes never leaving mine. I watch him as he practically rips off his dress shirt; not caring for any buttons that might not survive his force.

I sit up and then creep forward on my hands and knees, till I reach the foot of the bed. I keep eye contact the whole time, even as my hands go to work; undoing his belt, then his pants, letting them drop to the floor. I then work off his underwear, exposing his large member.

Till helps me as I start to stand up on the edge of the bed. Then he pulls me close as I place my hands around the back of his neck; enjoying this rare moment where I’m looking down at him for once.

His hands gripping my ass before wandering upwards; I can feel that he hasn’t got much patience right now, as it doesn’t take him long to unzip my little black dress. He pulls the thin straps down off my shoulders, and then works the tight fitted dress down to my ankles as fast as he can; exposing my bare breasts.

It’s only now that we break off our hungry stare as he pulls me into a passionate kiss; his hands falling down to once again grab my ass. I can tell he’s pleased with the touch of my bare skin as I feel him grow against me.

He breaks away from our heated kiss, but not to my disappointment. He brings his face down to meet with my breast; his big masculine hands reaching up as my more delicate ones rest into his hair, ready to tug at my pleasure. His hands each cup one of my breasts as his mouth moves to meet with one. He fondles and squeezes with his hands as his tongue begins to trace and flick my nipple, causing my head to fall back as a moan escapes my lips.

My whimpering moans always seems to turn him on even more, and it isn’t long before one of his hands falls from my breast, and meets with my yearning pussy. He gently runs is fingers over my lips, against my lace panties. I can feel my wetness seep through the lace onto his fingers; he nips at my nipple in approval.

His other hand slips from my breast for a moment, as he uses both his hands to effortlessly rip the delicate panties apart, tossing them away.   
They might only be thin lace, but his animalistic impatience drives me crazy and I couldn’t be anymore turned on than what I already am right now.

His hand reaches back to my breast and his mouth follows, his tongue teasing my nipple as he likes. I feel his other hand caress the inside of my thigh; the only way he’s being patient is that he knows his teasing drives me crazy. I tighten my grip on his hair and let a little moan, insisting that he gives me release; and he obliges.

He traces two fingers up my inner thigh, before reaching my aching pussy. His fingers lightly tracing back and forth against my lips, my wetness dripping down his fingers; I am so fucking wet right now.

It isn’t long before his impatience gets the better of him, and he finally relieves my aching as he slowly plunges his two large fingers, deep inside of me. I let out a satisfied whimper as his warm fingers slowly start to move in and out of me.

His movements gradually start to get faster and faster before he eventually hooks his fingers, his thrusts now hitting against my g-spot. My moans start to shamelessly leave my mouth as the pleasure intensifies. His other hand falls from my breast to meet with his other, his thumb gently starting to rub against my aching clit. As I let out another satisfied whimper, I pull his head closer, keeping his tongue on my nipple, my fingers gripped in his hair.

His thumb starts to press harder and move faster, more in sync with his thrusting fingers. The sensation of them both begins to drive me over the edge. He can tell I’m getting close as I go quiet, focusing on my rapidly building climax. He pulls his head from my breast and replaces his thumb with his tongue, flicking it wildly against my pulsing clit.

My moaning returns as the sensations grow stronger; his fingers reaching deeper, his tongue flicking harder. I grip his hair again as I wait for my release; I’m so fucking close.

My heart is pounding so hard right now and I can barely hold myself up. It isn’t long before I utter, “I’m gunna cum…”.

His fingers and tongue hold their rhythm, persistently urging me on, before I feel myself tipping over the edge, and I reach my climax.

I stop myself from nearly ripping out his hair as he continues to lick my clit, pushing me to the limits of my orgasm; his other hand supporting me as my legs start to buckle against my will.

He slowly pulls his mouth away, as his hands grip my hips, holding me up. He starts to gently kiss my skin, making a trail up my body before he’s standing again. I throw my arms around his neck and he pulls me against him close. I wrap my legs around him as he grabs my ass, hard.

“You taste good, my dear lady” he says playfully; he must want to stay in character with how we entered the house.

“Do I now, good sir?” I smirk, playing along; staring deep into his devilish eyes.

He brings his face to mine and I pull it in closer as we start to make out quite hungrily. I feel Till turn around and start walking away from the bed; he stops as he gets to the wall, pushing me against it.

I feel his arms lower me down slightly, till I can feel the tip of his fully grown member pressing against me.

“What does the good sir intend to do now?” I ask, pulling away from his lips.

I wait for his reply but instead he responds by impaling me with his shaft, letting it sink into me fully; taking me by surprise and resulting in me letting out a moan, louder than which I had intended.

He gives me the most devilish smirk as he starts thrusting into me as he keeps me pinned against the wall. I keep my legs tight around his waist, supporting myself as much as I can as his huge phallice drives in and out of me.

Till’s never had me in such a position before, but I like it. I think he likes showing off his strength, which is also a huge turn on for me.

His movements get faster and faster and I pray that he doesn’t push me through the wall. His climax must be building as an utterly sexy deep moan escapes his lips.

“Does the lady like it?” he asks, trying to keep composed between his thrusting and breathing.

“The lady wants to have a taste…” I reply, not wanting this to be over just yet. Not without me returning the favor, at least…

His thrusts start to slow down and I catch a glimmer of lust in his eyes. I unwrap my legs from his waist and he lowers me down with his hands. I pull my hands away from his neck as he looks at me with anticipation. I place a hand on his chest and push him, walking him back till he reaches the bed, sitting down on the edge. I push him again so that his back lays flat against the bed, his feet still planted against the floor.

I kneel down, positioning myself between his legs. I lightly trace my hands up his legs, teasing him; but I don’t want to make him wait too long. I lick the palm of my left hand before I take his throbbing member with it, slowly beginning to move it up and down. I lick my lips as my hand moves faster, and I move closer. I then slow my hand till it’s still; resting at the base of his shaft. I move my mouth till my lips rest against the tip; I feel him twitch with the touch of my lips.

I tease him for a while, just running my lips against his very tip, until I can tell that he can’t take it anymore; so I take him in my mouth, as deep as I can take him, making him quiver again.

I slowly begin to move my mouth up and down, his muscular legs tensing against me. I press my tongue against the underside of his shaft as my head bobs up and down. My movements get quicker and isn’t long before I hear the sound of his sexy moans that I crave escape his lips.

I love that I can make my large German man, utter such sounds; it drives me wild. So much so that I’m feeling even hornier; but I want to keep pleasuring him.

But I guess that doesn’t mean that I can’t pleasure myself…

I move my free hand from his leg and creep it down to my burning area. I don’t need to lick my fingers as it’s still as wet as it was before down there; and I’ve been feeling it drip between my legs. I rub my fingers against my seeping wet pussy, feeling my tender folds, all the while still moving my head and my tongue. I slightly press my fingers inside my folds, feeling the wet area and how hot I am down there. I couldn’t help myself even if I tried, and I sink my two fingers into my pussy, shamelessly moving them in and out.   
I’m so fucking horny right now.

I clench my walls around my fingers, pushing them in deeper, feeling my g-spot with my tips. Fuck I want Till in me so bad.   
  
I continue to finger myself for a while as I keep pleasuring Till, his dick getting harder and his moans getting louder. I don’t think Till’s close yet, but I am. I pull my fingers from my pussy and I trace them up to clit. I begin to slowly rub it playfully, but I don’t have much patience right now. I start to rub back and forth, getting faster and faster, accidently letting a moan sound in my mouth that is still engulfed by Till. Till hears this and perks up, finally realizing what it is that I am doing. He doesn’t say anything, and I keep going, sucking him off and getting myself off.

I can feel myself nearing my climax again and I move my wet fingertips even faster, my long nails caressing my folds. Till lets out another moan, to which I stop holding back mine; I’m almost at my limit. I pull my mouth from his dick as I feel myself about to cum; I rub my clit as fast as I can, pressing it with just the right amount of pressure, forcing myself into a screaming orgasm…

I fall against Till’s lap as I quiver from my climax; my fingers still gently tracing my wet folds, still not quite satisfied just yet… 

He pulls me up to sit on his lap, his dick pressing against me.

“It seems like you got a bit carried away, my dear lady.” He smirks, with a wicked look in his eye. I just smile as I try to compose myself, still out of breath from my second climax. “But you see; I still have not yet had my fill…”

“How selfish of me…” I utter as I begin to stroke his still rock hard dick in my hand. He tries to keep himself composed as I pleasure him, his jaw slightly dropping. “How do you want me to finish you off then, sir?” I ask, a mischievous grin spreading on my lips.

And almost instantly, he grips my ass tight; lifting me up as he stands, and then throwing me back on the bed. I know exactly how he wants it, and my suspicions are confirmed when he flips me from my back, to my hands and knees. He grabs my hips and pulls me close to the edge of the bed. I arch my back, moving my ass close to where his throbbing shaft is hanging.

“What a lovely sight, my dear lady…” he says, holding my ass and rubbing it deeply with his thumbs.

“Such a gentleman…” I joke. Which he replies by smacking my ass, making me whimper in surprise. I need him so bad…

His impatience gets the better of him and I feel him pull my hips back towards him; one of his hands letting go of me to help guide his pulsing dick into my aching cunt.

He positions it at my lips, rubbing it a little, feeling the wetness of my pussy. He slowly pushes his shaft into me till it’s completely inside of me. I let out a moan of approval, to which I receive another smack on my ass. I whimper again; he’s driving me wild...

He starts to move slowly, in and out of me; but it doesn’t take long for his pace to quicken; he needs release. As he gets faster I let out another moan of pleasure, to which I receive yet another smack. 

I think to myself, ‘how could this get any better’? And as if Till was reading my mind, he follows up. He leans over me, gathering my long straight black hair up in his hands; twisting it around his hand and pulling it back with just the perfect amount of force. His other hand moves back to grip my ass again, and he continues fucking me.

I start to moan again, all the sensations driving me wild. The tension on my scalp, his fingers gripping my ass, his dick impaling me…

Till leans over me again; resting his head next to mine, which is still being pulled back. “How does it feel, my dear lady?” he asks, his uneven breath running down my neck.

“So good…” I manage to utter, I can feel yet another climax building as the position he has me in is slamming right against my g-spot. “Till…” I stammer, “I’m gunna…”

And with that he pulls back so he’s standing again. He lets go of my hair and I grip the sheets, expecting to get pounded; and I do.

He’s gripping my ass hard again and his thrusts are immediately harder and faster. I start to moan again and Till’s voice soon follows mine. His deep and masculine moans roaring from his lips; I can feel he’s close to coming too.

I bury my head in the sheets as my moans grow louder, Till practically slamming into me. His thrusts go so deep and it rubs against my spot so good… He slaps my ass again as he lets out another animalistic growl. I grit my teeth as his pounding sends me over the edge and Till’s gives me my third orgasm; the best one yet… I scream into the sheets as he keeps riding me through my climax. His fingers grip even tighter and his nails almost start digging into my skin as he lets out one final roar, before slamming me with one final thrust; filling me with his hot cum…

I feel it spill out of me as Till pulls his still pulsing dick from me. He catches it with his hand, before wiping the rest off of me with his underwear that was sitting next to him on the floor. I hear him walk off to the bathroom, and then the sound of the shower being turned on.

I want to join him… but I’m too fuckin tired right now, oh my god…

I slowly move my stiff body from the end of the bed, creeping up to the other end. I flop myself down and rest my head against my soft pillow. I just lay there, listening to the water run in the shower, thinking of just now…

Just now… That was incredible…

I think that could possibly be the best sex we’ve ever had. I can’t believe how aroused I was; I was so sexual tonight.

Maybe we should do it under the influence more often…? I giggle at the thought of it. 

It doesn’t take long for my eyes to fall shut and I can feel myself drift off. But not before I feel a blanket fall over my exposed skin.

“I love you, Mein Engel…” he whispers, gently kissing my head. I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Everything is perfect.


	2. Moving On

It’s been 3 months since I left the hell that was the relationship Richard and I were sharing; and moved onto something better, with Till.

Of course, life has been so much better since then; but at the start it still wasn’t easy.

It took the boys a little time to adjust. Christoph more so than the others; but not just to Till and I dating, but them coping with what Richard had done. And again, I think it hit Christoph the hardest. In his eyes Richard could do no wrong; they were so close. But once he realized that Till and I weren’t to blame, it took him a long time to accept the things that Richard had done to me. I don’t think any of the boys have really forgiven him for what he did; I know Till hasn’t…

That night that I said that it was over, he left. I think Paul said he went and stayed with one of the band members of Emigrate for a while; but I know that he has his own apartment now somewhere in New York.

I stayed at Rammstein’s shared apartment for about 2 or 3 days I think… but it was really hard to try and forget about Richard; everything in that apartment just reminded me of him. And it was hard for the boys to see me doing it tough as well; I guess them seeing me just brought up their own thoughts of it all. So I moved back to my little place. Till followed of course. Like he said, he was always going to take care of me… and he did.

He took care of me through the panic attacks and the tears… the nightmares… I didn’t want to leave the house for like, 2 weeks… But Till stayed by me the whole time; he didn’t mind at all, and neither did I.

We’d watch movies and order in pizza. We’d stay up late and he’d tell me all kinds of crazy stories from when they were touring. Even though it was one of the hardest times in my life, it was also one of the greatest times of my life. As Till helped me fight the nightmares and demons, we started to connect. All the tears and the bad dreams went away. The anxiety and the emptiness started to leave…

Then the fuzzy feelings I had around Till started making sense. With every night we spent staying up late talking, reminiscing and dreaming of memories to come; all the bad stuff just disappeared one day. There was no space left for it and all we had room for was what we were looking forward to in the future.

For now at least the future is going out together and being a gross lovey dovey couple; but it’s exactly what I want right now. It feels so good.

All the experiences feel so much better with Till; having his company, going out to restaurants, the sex…

Till is a very different lover than what Richard was. Apart from the fact that sex never felt quite right with him; don’t get me wrong, it felt good. It just didn’t feel like we really connected, and I know that for sure now.

As you know, Till can be a very masculine, animalistic lover; ready to lick me down and eat me up, like some kind of beast. It’s the type of sex that I refer to as ‘fucking’. It’s the type of sex where we’re horny as hell and we don’t mind getting a bit rough with each other; I’ll run my nails down his back or nip at his skin, and he’ll slap my ass or pull at my hair. It’s all done in good taste with consent; and it drives us both wild. Fucking with Till is definitely amazing…

And there’s the other type of sex, where it’s more so that… we make love.

Like the second time we did it, Till made love to me. He was gentle, he was patient, he was generous. He took the time to explore me all over, his lips leaving such sweet kisses. He wouldn’t let me do anything, and insisted that he wanted to satisfy me completely; and he did. That night we really connected with each other, and I couldn’t think of a more blissful, euphoric moment.  
Aside from the first time we did it of course.  
It was that night I decided I always wanted to be with him. He always made me feel so safe, so complete, so loved…

But all in all compared to Richard, it all feels more… right.

So much has happened since those first two weeks.

After my leave of absence from my modeling, I got straight back into it. I felt like there was no sense in putting it off any longer, and that getting back to normality would be the best thing for me.

The shoot with the very kind client who pushed it forward those couple weeks for me went extremely well. He was astounded with the end result and it ended in me getting a very good referral to an even bigger brand that offered me some great work that I think will open up so many more opportunities for me. So for now my work and my life at home couldn’t get any better.  

Till and I don’t officially live together yet, but we’re with each other every night. If Till’s not staying over at mine, I’m staying over at his. I’m fine with going over to the shared apartment now after about the first month. I’m over Richard and I’m happy that I’ve been able to move on. I’m happy that I have Till.

I also missed hanging out with the boys; it was hard staying away for so long. Before I knew it movies nights were now a regular thing at their place and before long they had me going out into the real world again. We started enjoying nights out partying and getting drunk. Like a true German, Paul would say.

I know I never really liked going out to clubs or bars before; but now that I had Till, everything was different. I felt like I could enjoy myself now. Partly cause no one was going to knock my small body over and crush me in the crowded clubs while I had a rather large German by my side; but also because while he was helping me heal, he kind of brought out a new side to me. I now wanted to go new places and try new things. Things that were scary before weren’t so much anymore, or at least I knew I could overcome them, now that I had Till.

Till’s been with me every step of the way, and I’ve been enjoying my life so much more than what I was. I feel like I’ve really started living. I’ve finally shaken off that shy, timid girl that I was and have become a stronger, more confident woman. I guess in a way I kind of owe it to Richard a little; even if I hate to admit it. If I hadn’t met him and let myself get hurt, I guess I could have never really found the motivation to better myself; plus I wouldn’t have met Till for that matter. I’d probably still be my fragile, shut-in old self, doing the same old routine, day in and day out. But now I’m really living, and I have Till by my side the whole way.


	3. Breakfast

_*Beep, beep, beep, beep*_

I reach my arm up to the side table next to my bed, blindly fumbling around trying to reach for the persistent alarm clock that is so rudely waking me from my sleep.

_*Smack*_

There, got it.

I turn over in bed and I have to cover my eyes from the bright sunlight that is peaking through the gaps in the curtain; so damn bright, I need to remember to close that properly. I let my eyes adjust and I realize that Till isn’t in bed with me, he must already be up.

I conjure all my will power to sit up in bed, rubbing my still tired eyes. I turn myself around in the bed again and drop my feet down onto the cool timber floor. I do a quick stretch, as you do, yawning as I then force myself to stand up. I can’t help but smile as I look down, realizing that I’ve stepped into my clothes that wore pulled off of me from the night before. I scoop my little black dress up and carry it with me to the bathroom, tossing it into the laundry hamper as I enter the small en-suite.

I close the door behind me and turn on the shower. I grab a hair tie from the vanity and twist my hair up into a bun, keeping it out of the way from getting wet. I step into the shower, closing the glass door behind me. The hot stream of water washes over my naked body, washing away the smell of sex that still lingered from the night before. I grab the vanilla body wash that Till likes; he loves smelling it on my skin. I wash my body with it and I wash my face, removing any makeup that had survived last night’s escapade and sleep.

I just stand there for a few more minutes, feeling the water hitting my skin, the hot steam clearing my mind…

Then my head fills with thoughts of last night again. The thought of Till slapping my ass crosses my mind and I try and get a good look to see if he’s left a bruise. That would be fun trying to explain that on set. I laugh to myself as I switch the running water off.

I step out of the shower grabbing my fluffy white towel; I dry myself off and then wrap myself in it. I brush my teeth, also checking to see that I’ve got all my makeup off, before heading out of the bathroom to my walk in wardrobe. I find an outfit for the day; just a simple oversized grey shirt and some leggings. I don’t need to be picky today as I have a shoot, and I won’t be wearing these for long at all. I walk over to the dresser and open up my lingerie draw. I grab a pair of my plain black lace panties and I notice that they’re on a serious decline. That German of mine has no regard for keeping my underwear in one piece, and will leave me with nothing before I know it.

I drop the towel and get changed; then take the towel back to the bathroom and check that my bun is worthy enough for public viewing. I don’t have to do my hair or my makeup, luckily. One of the perks of being a model, you get paid while someone else does that for you; but I still like making sure I look a bit presentable before heading to the studio.

I leave the bathroom and head out of my room, wondering where Till might be. I have a good idea as I step out of the door, and a wonderful aroma fills my senses. I can smell food!

One perk of having a German man is that they like good food, so at least in Till’s case, he’s a pretty good cook.

I walk down the hall out to the kitchen where I see Till serving up some delicious bacon and eggs.

“Ah, you’re awake!” he says, looking up to see me enter the room. “Good timing, I just finished making breakfast”.

I smile at him as I walk over and take a seat at the kitchen table.

He follows with two plates in tow, “Bacon and eggs for the lady, with a side of fried Wurst; your favourite” he kisses my cheek as he sets a plate down in front of me, before setting his down and taking the seat next to mine.

“This looks so good, thank you” I smile at him, eagerly grabbing my knife and fork. I don’t hesitate and head straight for the Wurst, taking a huge bite of the juicy, delicious meat. Mmm mmm. So good.

“Oh yeah…” I exclaim after finishing my mouthful; Till just laughs at me.

“I take it, it tastes good?” he asks, an amused look on his face.

“Definitely” I nod, “You’re Wurst is the best”.

“Is it now?” he smirks, a mischievous look in his eye.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” I laugh, hitting his large bicep, realizing what it was I just said. He just laughs at me, shoveling some bacon onto his fork and then into his mouth.

Till finishes a mouthful before asking, “Did you enjoy last night?”

“Yes, it was so incredible…”I blush, thinking back to our heated session.

“Ah, the food was that good was it?” Till jokes in response. He was talking about our dinner out.

I nearly choke on my mouthful of eggs and land another whack on his arm as he laughs at me again; he’s not holding back this morning.

“Yes, dinner was so good last night. Best dinner of my life.” I say, still referring to the sex.

“Ah, was it now?” he smiles, “I think I might have to agree with you”.

“I tell you what though, you gotta stop ripping up my underwear” I say, pointing at him with my Wurst loaded fork.

“I can’t help myself when I see good food” he smirks, taking a mouthful of food, staring at me with hungry eyes.

“Well I’m not going to have any left to wear if you keep going at the rate you’re going at” I joke.

“That’s fine with me” he says, a wicked smile spreading across his lips.

“Is that so?” I scoff, trying to escape his animalistic stare; it’s the same as last night, but unfortunately we don’t have time for that this morning.

“I’ll buy you as much underwear as you like” he smiles, “but I can’t guarantee that I’ll stop ripping it off of you”.

“Well aren’t you a gentleman” I jest, cutting up the last bit of my bacon.

“And I get to pick it out too” he adds, scooping the last of his eggs into his mouth.

“Well that sounds dangerous…” I say, “They’ll be latex or crotch less or something god forsaken like that”.

“No, no, no” he shakes his head, “Maybe something leather, that shoots flames?” he laughs at himself hysterically; proud of his new found idea.

“Dear god, I’m doomed” I laugh, shaking my head.

“Doomed with me” he says, leaning over to kiss me on the lips. God he’s perfect.

“Speaking of improving your panties” he says, taking a mouthful of juice that’s sitting on the table. “We need to do something about that bed”.

“What’s wrong with it?” I ask, confused.

“You might not take up much room, but my rather large physic needs something a bit bigger than a Queen” he says, lifting is brow.

“Ah, I see” I say, realizing that it is a little small for the both of us. I mean it’s perfect that we need to snuggle up a bit; but I think we’d both appreciate a bit of space now that it’s starting to get a bit hot in these summer nights. “I’ll see what I can do” I smile.

Till picks up both our plates and stands up from the table, walking over to the sink. “So how was your shoot yesterday? I forgot to ask last night” he asks, turning the taps on and filling the sink with soapy water.

“Yeah it was really good” I reply, taking a sip of my juice. “He was there again though”.

“Who, the photographer?” he jokes, beginning to clean the dishes and pans. “You know you kind of need him there for these shoots to work”.

“No not the photographer!” I laugh at him, god he can always make me smile. “Pete was there”.

“Is that his name?” Till says, his mood changing a bit more serious.

“Yeah, he was there waiting out the front till I got to the studio” I say taking another mouthful of juice.

“Really…?” Till asks, a hint of concern in his voice.

“Yeah. He snuck into the studio a few times with his ancient looking camera and would try and take some photos of me. They ended up telling him they’d call the police.” I explain rather calmly.

“So he left then?” he questions, hope in his voice.

“Well he left the inside of the studio. When I left that afternoon he was waiting outside with his Polaroid’s asking me to sign them.” I say, not too fazed.

“And did you?” he asks, looking over his shoulder at me.

“A signed a couple… I felt bad for him” I say, finishing off my juice.

“Lucy you can’t indulge him like that, he’ll keep doing it” he says, slightly getting annoyed.

“Till I don’t think he’s all there” I argue.

“Well that makes it even worse. He’s unpredictable, and I don’t like it…” he grunts, “I think it’s time that it’s stopped”

“What do you mean?” I ask, a little confused.

“Well this afternoon when I pick you up, if he’s there I’m gunna have a word to him…” he says, placing the last cleaned plate on the dish rack.

“Oh Till, don’t scare him now… he’s not doing any harm” I protest, concerned about what exactly it is that my large German has in mind.

“Well I can’t have him scaring you when I’m gone…” he says, seriousness in his voice.

I just sit in silence, nodding in agreeance; I wouldn’t want something to happen while Till’s not here.

“Wait, you’re picking me up this afternoon?” I ask, confused.

“The boys are leaving tomorrow remember?” he says, reminding me. “We’re going out tonight and having farewell drinks. So remember to take a change of clothes with you that you can get changed in after the shoot.”

He pulls the plug from the sink, and the gurgling of the water escaping down the drain echoes in the room. I make my way over to him with my empty glass, handing it to him, trying to hide a grin. Till looks down at the dirty glass, then to the emptied sink, then back to me; he’s eyes staring me down as to say, ‘you would, wouldn’t you?’

He lets out a deep chuckle before pulling me into a warm kiss. We stand there for a moment longer, only thinking about how good his lips feel on mine. He pulls away taking the glass from my hand, setting it down in the sink.

“Come on now, you’ll be late” he says smacking me on the ass, making me jump a little. “Ooh, still tender are we?” he chuckles.

“You better hope that you didn’t leave a mark last night that anyone will see today, or I’ll have to teach you a lesson” I threaten, jokingly.

“I look forward to it” he smirks, that wicked twinkle in his eye again. I playfully push at his chest before giving into him pulling me in for another satisfying kiss.

I pull away from his warm embrace, gazing into those beautiful green eyes of his. “I gotta go now, or I’ll be late” I say, making my way out of the kitchen.

“You should stop wasting time trying to kiss me then” he calls out after me, “You’re going to corrupt me!”

I laugh my way down the hallway.

I think out of the two of us; the one most likely to do any corrupting would be him. Him and that devilish mouth of his… maybe he’s already corrupted me…

I feel a sinful smile spread across my lips as last night plays over again in my mind. That second orgasm… Yeah, he’s definitely corrupting me.

I giggle to myself as I pick out a little red dress that is similar to the black one, thinking maybe it could inspire another night like the last. I remove it from the rack and thread the hanger through one of my dress bags, zipping up the sexy number from sight. I grab my black pumps and toss them into bag taking them with me as well.

I head out the room and meet my broad German man at the door, kissing him goodbye before heading out into the sunny street. I hail a cab and give them the address.

Today’s going to be a good day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Another part to our story. I wonder if any of you were expecting that? Or at least hoping for it ;)
> 
> I would love to hear your comments and thoughts as I post new chapters. I really do love hearing your feedback, it's my little reward for sharing my stories with you :)
> 
> And don't be afraid to bookmark the story. You'll get notified as soon as I release a new chapter. 
> 
> Well I hope that it's off to a good start and your enjoying it so far! I wonder what lies in store... ;)


	4. Pete

There’s this guy, his name is Pete.

Pete’s this funny little man who’s started to regularly hang around the studios where I’m having shoots.

He’s about Paul’s height; and he looks like he’d be in his late 40’s, early 50’s. He wears these square framed tortoise shell pattern glasses that look like they’re from the 70’s, and they sit into his short scruffy brown hair; mind you he’s balding on top.

He always wears the same pleated brown pants and pale blue checkered shirt. You could say he looks like a shorter more plump and disheveled version of forest Gump.

He always carries this vintage looking Polaroid camera with him that looks like they came from the same era that his glasses did.

He’ll take pictures of me with it when I’m at shoots and then ask me to sign the small square photographs.

He’d probably scare most people, and I guess I’d be lying if I said he didn’t creep me out a little bit; but I feel sorry for him. I can’t help but wonder if he has anyone, any family that takes care of him. I mean, he just doesn’t seem like he’s all there in the head. He doesn’t exactly behave normal.

I first encountered Pete at a promotional gig a couple of months ago; pretty much just after I had recovered from my absence. I had done a shoot for the cover work of an anime game for a company based in LA, and they wanted to have the model in person at the launch. I was a bit nervous about accepting it, but their product launch was here in New York and I thought, why not. It actually turned out to be a lot of fun.

I was supposed to be some sort of ancient warrior princess in the game. I wore this stunning Kimono and my hair was pinned up beautifully in the traditional Japanese style, but the makeup had a much more modern twist. I pretty much had to stand there and look pretty while I took photos with people purchasing the game.

And that’s when I met Pete.

He had his Polaroid with him then too. I think he has a bit of an obsession with it. He introduced himself to me and let the photographer take a professional photo of us; but then he took out his old Polaroid and took a photo of me and asked me to sign it. I thought it was quite cute at the time.

But then I started seeing him a lot more frequently. So much so that he’s showed up to all of my shoots the past 2 weeks.

I mean he seems harmless, just a bit of an eager fan is all… I think.

I know Till’s right when he says that he needs to stop. I don’t like thinking about it, but I can see it where Pete might take it a little too far and follow me home one day or something. I really don’t want it to get to that point.

I just hope Till doesn’t do anything too rash.


	5. Goodbyes

I peer out the window of the black town car, watching the people and the buildings go by, my mind running full of thoughts. Its peak hour traffic, everyone’s heading home for the day. We’re slowly making our way to the bar.

“You’re awful quiet” Till says with his deep voice.

I slowly pull my gaze from the window and turn my attention to Till. “You don’t think you were too harsh on Pete?”

“Too harsh?” he asks, confusion on his face.

“Leave Mein Engel alone!” I try to mimic Till in a shoddy deep German accent, lifting my arms in the air with my fingers turned over like claws, pretending to be a monster.

“I don’t sound like that” he looks at me sternly, trying to hold back a smile.

“I dunnoo…” I joke, drawing out my words.

“And I didn’t walk around like a monster either” he says, pulling me up on my over exaggeration.

“You may as well have, you scared the crap out of that poor man” I scoff.

“Good. That’s what he needed” he states, crossing his bulky arms.

“I know…” I say, shifting myself as close to Till as I can get; placing my small hand on his large bicep, looking up to his eyes. “You look after me”.

“I do” he agrees, his eyes finally looking back to meet mine. “I always will” he says, leaning over and placing a sweet kiss on my lips, leaving me with a warm fuzzy feeling.

“Thankyou” I say, “I really am lucky to have you”

“And I’m really lucky to have you” he replies, smiling. “And, might I add that you look absolutely beautiful tonight” he says, eyeing off my ever so tight fitting little red dress. He leans down even more, leaving a kiss on my neck.

I giggle as he leaves even more soft, ticklish kisses on my delicate skin. “You don’t look to bad yourself…” I add, my hand falling from his arm down to his thigh, caressing as his kisses grow even more heated.

I feel my heart start to race as his lips start to trace further down my neck. He pulls me in closer and I reach my hand down further and…

“Oh mein Gott… Es tut mir Leid!” a surprised German voice babbles.

Till and I stop in our tracks, confused for a moment as we look around to see what’s happening. We were so engrossed in each other that we didn’t even realize that the car had stopped. I look over Till’s shoulder to see Flake walking away from the car quite hurriedly towards what appears to be the bar we were going to. He must have saw Till in the car; just didn’t realize what we were doing before opening the door.

Till and I just look back at each other and laugh. Flake really doesn’t have a good track record with walking in on people.

“Ah, come on then” Till says stepping out of the car. I shimmy across the leather seat towards the door, taking Till’s hand as he helps me out of the car. I pull my dress down that has slightly crept up and I grab onto Till’s arm.

As we make our way inside the bar, we scan around the room trying to spot the guys. It doesn’t take long till we spot the tall skinny German who had moments ago fled from us. He spots us as well; red in the face and breaking eye contact. I can’t help but laugh again.

We head over to Flake and we’re soon greeted by the rest of the group.

“Ah there you guys are!” Ollie says excitedly.

“We weren’t sure if you were coming for a moment there” adds Christoph.

“What do you mean, we’re on time. Aren’t we?” I ask confused, gazing around in search for the time somewhere.

“Oh yes, you’re on time” Ollie reassures us, leaving me even more confused.

“Just how Flake described how he found you both, we weren’t sure if you suddenly had a change of plans… he said you looked quite busy” Christoph chuckled under his breath. Big smirks forming on both Ollie’s and Christoph’s faces; Flake’s just turned an even deeper shade of red.

“Nonsense! We wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Till chuckles, landing a few solid pats to Flake’s back; silently telling him to keep his mouth shut in future with the force of his hand. Flake just smiles at him anxiously, taking the thumping hits.

“So where’s Paul?” I ask, trying to change the awkward subject.

“He’s over at the bar” Oliver points in Paul’s direction.

“And where’s Richard…?” Till asks, a little apprehensive.

I feel all the memories rushing back as I hear his name. Till feels my vibe and pulls me closer, holding me against his side. It really doesn’t bother me that much talking about him; it’s just the thought of seeing him. If he comes tonight it will be the first time I’ve seen him since I said it’s over 3 months ago.

“I don’t think he’s coming…” Christoph says, disappointment in his voice.

“We did ask… but I guess he didn’t want to…” Flake says, finally speaking up.

“It’s a shame…” I nervously pipe up. Everyone’s heads turning to face me, their expressions full of surprise. “I mean, I just wish everything could go back to normal for the band. I kinda screwed it all up for you guys…”

“Don’t blame yourself Lucy” Oliver says, giving me a gentle smile.

“What happened in the past is in the past. It’s his problem if he doesn’t want to make an effort now” Christoph adds, slightly annoyed at the missing band member.

“I think he needs a bit of time alone to work through things.” Flake says, “Having Emigrate to work on is keeping him busy, which is a good thing.”

“He could still make an effort to say goodbye to his friends” Till states, rather annoyed.

“He’ll come around” Oliver smiles at Till, trying to reassure the stubborn German.

We stand there for a moment longer, everyone’s minds dwelling on the subject.

“So how’s work?!” Oliver asks me, trying to change the conversation.

“Oh yeah, works been great, as usual” I smile.

“Till said there’s been a guy following you to all your shoots and harassing you” Christoph says, concern in his voice.

“There _was_ …” Till says, proud of himself.

“So you got rid of him then?” Flake asks.

“He wasn’t exactly harassing me; but yeah Till definitely scared him off” I tell the group. “Poor guy…”

“Poor guy…? What do you mean poor guy?” Till asks annoyed and confused.

“Till, you scared the shit out of him” I scoff, “Till came and picked me up this afternoon; and when he got out of the car he practically charged at him, yelling god knows what at him in German”

“I didn’t charge at him…” he replies defensively.

“You did, and I’m pretty sure he’s never going to leave his house again after what you said. I think he thought Till was going to bash him up because he ran off” I recall, thinking Till probably did go just a little over board.

“And I would too if it ever came to it… But it won’t because I _scared_ him off” Till says sternly.

“It’s a good thing what Till’s done” Ollie chimes in, “Now that he knows there’s a huge raging German man in your life he won’t come near you”

We all laugh, Till giving Ollie a proud nod of thanks at hearing the approval of his methods.

“Guys!” Paul shouts, running towards us, interrupting our train of thought. “You’ll never guess who’s at the bar!”

We don’t even get the chance to ask, let alone guess as Paul’s already turned tail and headed back towards the bar.

“Well I guess we’d better follow and find out” Till says, leading the way, his hand resting at the small of my back.

We get to the bar and find our way over to Paul; we all huddle around him and vaguely search the area, looking for whoever he could have been referring to.

“So who is it we’re looking for?” Flake asks, a little confused.

“No way… It’s Dorian Gray!” Christoph yells, the rest of our attention turning to his direction. Dorian Gray? Why does that name sound familiar?

The group of German’s all start to whoop and yell as I watch a man from behind the bar walk towards us, a smile on his face as he laughs. This must be the man we were searching for.

He has dark strawberry blonde hair that is fairly short; but long enough that he can push it all back, as he runs his fingers through. The golden copper colour continues down to his jaw; he doesn’t really have a proper beard or moustache, just well-groomed facial hair that compliments his face.

He has a bit of a tan, which I find weird for a natural red head; and also for someone in New York. There are not a lot of places around here to get some decent sun; maybe he’s from LA or something.

He has a masculine structure to his face that matches his rather well built body, making me think that he must live at the gym when he’s not at the bar. But all of it is softened by his striking dark blue eyes. It makes me wonder what the rest of his family looks like, because he’s struck gold in his gene pool.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not checking this guy out; Till’s definitely the only man for me. But I have never seen a man quite like this before. His features are quite striking and I’m almost tempted to ask if he’s ever considered modelling. I mean, I have connections…

“How’s it going guys?” the barman asks our now rowdy group, pulling me back to reality.

“Long time no see! How’ve you been?” Ollie asks, leaning against the bar.

“Yeah pretty good” he replies, looking around the group. “You lot are still lookin’ alright”.

“But of course” Till smiles vainly.

“What are you trying to say Dorian?” Paul buts in, “That we’re getting old or something?”

“Guys, I would never” he laughs, waving his hands in front of him.

“So where have you been?” Christoph asks.

“Well I’ve been here for nearly a year now, bartending. Before that, just kind of travelling around, you know.” Dorian coolly answers.

“You’ve been here a whole year!?” Paul yells in disbelief. “If we’d have known we would’ve come around more often”

“Well I mean you still could” he replies, a little confused.

“Yes that would be nice” Flake says to Dorian, “but unfortunately our stay here has come to an end. We’re heading back to Germany tomorrow”

“Oh, well that’s a shame isn’t it” Dorian says, a little disappointed.

“Well they’re leaving” Till pipes up, “I’ve still got the rest of the week till I need to go back. I still might swing by again”

“Well that’d be great then” he smiles, his attention then turning to me.

“Oh sorry, this is my sweetheart; Mein Engel” Till says proudly, smiling at me and holding me close.

“My name’s Lucy” I say, stretching out my hand to shake Dorian’s. Why does Till insist on being so mushy.

“Nice to meet you” he smiles, shaking my hand.

“Dorian Gray… was it?” I ask, eager to find out the reason why his name rings a bell.

“Um, just Dorian” he lightly chuckles, “Those friends of yours are the ones who call me Dorian Gray”

“I have never met a Dorian in my life… like ever. And suspiciously enough you don’t look any different from the last time we saw you.” Oliver says, his eyes squaring in on him.

“Yeah, very suspicious… Are you sure you don’t have some scary painting of yourself hidden away somewhere at home?” Christopher adds, accusingly.

A scary painting of himself…? What on earth…

And then it clicks.

“Dorian Gray is a book isn’t it?” I ask, finally realizing their silly reference. It’s where his picture ages and he doesn’t, hey?”

“Spot on” Flake says to me, “Don’t ask me why they insist on calling him that though, they think they’re funny for it somehow”

The boys shoot him moody looks at dampening their fun and Dorian just laughs.

“Really I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me” Dorian smiles.

“So how did you guys meet?” I ask, very curious about their American friend.

“I met these guys about 5 years ago when they did their Mutter tour in America” Dorian informs me.

“Like how you met Dr. Mills?” I ask Till turning to face him.

“Yes, except he wasn’t a medic” Till tells me.

“More of a wannabe roadie, you could say” Paul smirks.

“Hey I wasn’t that bad…” Dorian objects.

“Not that bad?” Paul snorts, he then turns to me “Alright, now Dorian was supposed to be a bit of an apprentice Guitar tech of sorts you could say; our usual tech showing him the ropes”

“Sounds like it was a good opportunity” I say.

“Yeah, except he sucked” Till laughs.

“Hey, come on now guys…” Dorian protests.

“First show on the US tour in Texas; our tech leaves this guy alone for one minute with all our guitars in which he manages to somehow break the neck of one of Richard’s guitars.” Paul laughs, “First day on the job and he broke Richard’s favourite guitar!”

“Oh no, are you serious?” I ask, shocked.

“He’s definitely exaggerating a bit” Dorian defends himself, “We were unloading all the equipment from the trucks and I did accidently break one of Richard’s guitars. But it wasn’t his favourite one like Paul said; it was luckily a backup one for emergencies.”

“Richard still wasn’t happy though; if I can remember correctly, he almost tried to kill you?” Christoph chimes in, laughing.

“Tried…” Dorian laughs, “But luckily Till saved me. But either way I don’t think I would have deserved a beating.”

“And why’s that?” Till enquires amused.

“I broke the damn thing falling out of the truck. I snapped the neck with my gut and winded myself something chronic. I had this huge bruise for like two weeks!” Dorian cries, recalling his agony. “I’m lucky I didn’t break a rib or something”

“Richard could have helped with that” Oliver smirks, the boys all laughing in unison.

“He’s just lucky that he had potential elsewhere” Till smiles at me. “In his moment of groveling that we didn’t fire him completely he said that he could take photos for us; so he became our photographer for the tour. Taking pictures of the concerts, the parties; all that sort of stuff”

“I’m a photographer at heart; don’t know why I thought being a guitar tech was a good choice; guess I thought it was cool at the time.” Dorian shrugs.

“A photographer hey, sounds pretty cool” I smile, “Do you still do it?”

“A bit here and there when I can, definitely a lot to shoot here in New York that’s for sure” Dorian smiles.

“Well enough chit chat and more drinking, I say!” Paul yells, interrupting the conversation.

“A round of tequila shots?” Dorian asks with a smirk on his face.

“Why of course” Till smiles.

“And one for the lady?” Dorian asks, smiling my way.

“Oh god…” I say, remembering how bad tequila tasted every single time the boys talked me into drinking a shot.

“Yes, Lucy!” Christoph cheers.

“We know how much you love tequila!” Paul laughs.

“Come on now Lucy” Oliver says sternly, nudging me. “Don’t let us down”.

I don’t think I could ever let Ollie down. I slowly nod my head in defeat to their little ritual and say, “Sure, why not”.

The boys cheer as Dorian lines up the 6 glasses, filling them one by one with the awful clear liquid. We each take a glass and Till gives me a smirk as I raise mine to my lips.

“Prost!” we all yell in unison, before throwing back the hard liquor.

I slam the small glass on the bar as I unwillingly make the ugliest face I possibly can at the awful taste and potency; followed by the usual laughs of all the guys as I can never take it well.

“Oh god that never gets any better…” I grimace. “Please… Beer…” I motion at Dorian as he continues to laugh, needing something else to mask the taste.

“Make that six” Till says in his deep voice, easily grabbing Dorian’s attention.

“And while you’re at it; fish out that worm in the tequila bottle. I wanna see Flake eat it!” Paul yells, breaking out into a fit of laughter. The rest of the group join in as Flake stands there with an expression of shock and disgust on his face. Poor Flake.

The rest of the night was more of the same. Joking, reminiscing, laughing and drinking; lots of beer and even more tequila shots. I did make sure to not get too drunk as I had work the next day; but that didn’t stop the rest of the boys who were catching a flight first thing in the morning. I can see it now… getting to the airport looking like death warmed up; and then the full wrath of their hang overs coming to life with the motion sickness on the plane.

But they know what they’re in for. They do it to themselves so they can’t blame anyone else.

I sure will miss them when they’re gone.

Till’s going back to Germany as well in about a week, but he’ll be coming back once he’s finished doing what he’s going there for. But the others won’t be; I don’t know when I’ll get to see them again…

We finish up the night just after 11; quite early for a Rammstein gathering, but they don’t want to be sleep deprived as well as hung over for their journey tomorrow; plus I have work.

We say farewell to Dorian, thanking him for being a wonderful host for our rowdy group; then we say our final goodbyes before all going our separate ways.

I don’t really believe in god if I’m being honest; but I say a small prayer for my friends that they have a safe journey home. We’ve become so close over the last 4 months and they’ve practically become family to me in that small amount of time; they’re all like brothers to me. Paul’s the mischievous one who’s always making me laugh, Flake’s the smart one who’s always giving me guidance, Ollie’s the kind one who I can always rely on, and Christoph’s the protective one who’s always looking out for me.

It almost seems strange that Christoph’s this way now; but I do think that he felt bad for how he misjudged the whole situation with Richard. I think he tries to make up for it, and is a bit of a guardian angel to me now... Well not as much as Till though, of course.

My night ends not with the intended pre conceived idea of passion like the night before, but with Till putting drunken little me who fell asleep on the drive home to bed. His big arms carrying me effortlessly and safely to my nice warm bed.


	6. Sloth

“And one tired gaze there… and… that’s a wrap! We’re done for the day. Great job Lucy” smiles the photographer as he takes his last few shots.

My wardrobe assistant walks onto the set over to me through all the scattered cushions, helping me up off the white antique luxury Chaise lounge. We then make our way back through the mounds of throw cushions towards my dressing room.

The shoot I’m working on at the moment isn’t promotional work or for advertising; but instead, an artist’s project.

About a month ago I was approached by an artist called Hinata Rui. He’s a Japanese artist with a soft spot for anime, hence why he approached me. He saw some of my previous work for Japanese Lolita magazines and more recently my work for that gaming shoot; he said my doll like likeness reminded him of the cuteness of anime but still held a western air.  He told me he was given the opportunity to present an art series at the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan, and that’s when he presented me with an opportunity.

He told me he was scouting set designers, makeup artists, clothing designers and all other trades of the sort to help his vision come together. Then he asked if I could help with his vision and be the model for his photography.

I didn’t even have to think twice and accepted his offer straight away. Working on a shoot that would then be viewed in a gallery as art rather than an advertisement, sounded like a dream come true; it soon became very important to me.

The project is a series of photographs which depict the seven deadly sins. Gluttony, Sloth, Lust, Pride, Envy, Wrath and Greed. Yesterday was our first day working on set and we started with Gluttony; which by the end of the night I saw rather fitting as the theme for the day, after how much alcohol the boys and I had decided to consume at the bar last night.

The day before that had been a bit of a gathering for everyone involved; talking through everyone’s roles and what was to be expected of everyone throughout the week. Final measurements for costumes were done for me and the set designers started to get to work for the following day; it was going to be a busy week.

So this week we’ll be shooting a different sin every day; and today’s shoot was Sloth. Hinata has 2 or 3 different costume and set changes for each sin. Our final setting was of a glamorous room where everything is white. From the walls to the Chaise and to the cushions that cluttered the place. I was dressed in the most beautiful white lingerie I have ever seen in my life with jewels dripping from me and my makeup done like a movie star; I even wore a blonde wig!

Hinata’s inspiration behind this shoot being that the wealthy who have the most are usually the laziest out of all of us. All this wealth at their disposal, and yet they choose to do nothing. I thought it was very clever of him.

Each different setting for each sin would have different meanings to them showing the different ways each sin could be represented. I look forward to seeing what else he’s come up with.

 

As my wardrobe assistant Melissa and I make it back into my dressing room we immediately begin getting me out of costume. The sooner we do this, the sooner we both can go home.

First Mel helps me out of the gorgeous sheer white dressing gown that is trimmed with plush white marabou; I’m considering of begging Hinata to let me keep it. As she hangs the delicate gown up, I undo the straps of the silver high heel pumps before slipping them off, my feet feeling more relieved.

“You did such a good job today Lucy!” Mel says starting to untie the strings of the white under bust corset that I’m wearing.

“Thanks” I reply smiling as I lean against the counter where my phone and all my other personal items are sitting; I start to strip off all the shiny fake pearls and diamonds hanging from me.  “Everyone did a great job today; it’s definitely been the most fun so far”

As Mel works away behind me, I notice an envelope sitting under my phone which I don’t remember seeing before. I pull it from under my phone and look over it noticing that the only thing on it is my name; maybe it’s from Hinata?

My curiosity gets the better of me and in no time I have the envelope open. I reach inside to pull out nothing more but a Polaroid picture.

On the back it reads, “You looked beautiful last night, Mein Engel”. Maybe it was from Till? But as I turn it over, I start to think otherwise. Till couldn’t have taken this picture that I am holding as it is a picture of me and him.

Till’s not actually in the picture though, as he had already gotten into the town car; but you can clearly see me, standing next to the open black car door in my tight fitted red dress. I don’t understand…

Who took this…?

“I agree” Mel replies, working her best to loosen the strings. “So are you doing anything tonight then Lucy?”

I stand there staring at the little photograph in my hand, a million thoughts running through my head. Pete straight away enters my mind and I think to myself that he obviously didn’t listen to Till; but he was so scared?

“Lucy? Are you okay?” Mel asks, bringing me back to reality.

“Oh sorry, I zoned out for a second…” I say, still a little dazed.

“Are you alright?” she asks, obviously noticing that I’m a little out of it.

“Yeah… the corset’s just got me a little winded is all…” I lie, covering up my moment of shock and confusion.

“Well give me a few more seconds and you’ll be free!” she says happily, about to free me from the corset that honestly hasn’t been giving me grief.

I shove the picture back into the envelope and place it into my handbag just as Mel finishes loosening up the corset enough that it slips right off of me.

“Ah… there you go!” she says proudly.

“Thank you” I say, putting on a smile. “I should be fine to deal with the rest, you should go home”.

“Thank you Lucy!” she beams; obviously she must have plans as she doesn’t bother to double check that that’s fine. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for a day full of Lust…!” she giggles, grabbing her things.

“I’ll see you then, have a good night” I smile as she slips out the door, closing it behind her.

I stare at the corner of the envelope that’s sticking out of my small black bag, my mind and my heart racing. Is this some kind of joke someone’s pulling on me? Or is it really from Pete? Did he actually follow me to that bar last night?

After standing there staring for I don’t know how long, I pull myself and my thoughts together. I just need to get home to Till, everything will be fine then.

I grab the torn black denim shorts and the baggy grey t-shirt that I wore here and slip them over the pretty white lace panties and bra. In terms of clothing and shoes I don’t necessarily get to keep them after shoots; but underwear and lingerie I do. It’d be a bit unhygienic for the companies to reuse them and it’s a waste to just throw them out, so I get to keep them. I slip off the stay-up white lace top tights and toss them on the counter before slipping on my worn out grey vans.

I shove my phone in my bag and throw the strap over my shoulder. I don’t even consider taking out my hair or washing off my makeup; right now I just want to get home. Even if I might look like a confused Goth meets 50’s movie star, I don’t care.

I look down into my bag and take one last look at that envelope, a million thoughts filling my mind. I shake it off again and head out of my change room, flicking off the light before pulling the door shut behind me. I give a quick wave goodbye to the set designers and crew who are packing up the afternoons shoot ready to set up the next one tomorrow. As I pass I can’t help but wonder what they plan on doing with all those cushions.

As I get downstairs and begin to approach to the two large glass doors I slow my pace down. I start to wonder if Pete will be waiting on the other side. What would I say to him if he is? What does that mean if he isn’t? I gather up all my courage, still a little unsure of why I’m so worried, and then push open one of the heavy doors, walking out into the street.

I look around, searching the area and every corner looking for that man and his ancient camera; but nothing… I can’t see him anywhere…

At this moment I feel a little lost. I have all these feelings right now that I’m not sure what to do with; I just haven’t got a proper grip on what’s happening.

Till… just get home to Till…

I walk up to the edge of the pavement then hail a cab as one finally approaches. I give my address and as we drive off, I still find myself searching for Pete. I think of the Polaroid and decide that it has to be from him; but why would he be doing this? I can’t make sense of anything right now. I need Till.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What lies ahead for Lucy?
> 
> Thank you everyone for your patience waiting for these chapters. I did have these written since the start of last week but my busy schedule didn't allow me time to proof read and submit them. I'm back at work again after a couple weeks holiday and am readjusting to routine. 
> 
> I did plan to have them posted on Thursday, a week after I had posted the first ones; but alas, seeing Rammstein in Paris kept me from doing so...  
> Did anyone else get to go see it? How good was it!!! Already preordered the special edition bluray :D
> 
> I didn't get to post after that till now either because of early celebrations after work on Friday and Saturday. Today's my birthday!  
> What better way to celebrate my birthday than with a few new chapters to our story hey? Hope you enjoy!


	7. Relax

As I finish turning my key in the front door, I take a deep breath before opening it and walking through. The house is quiet as I close the door behind me, apart from the TV quietly playing in the living room. I stare at the screen blankly before my pointless stare is interrupted.

“I thought I heard you…” Till says, entering the room. “Wow, look at you! You look stunning” he says, the biggest smile on his face. He brings me in close for a deep hug, landing a kiss gently on my cheek.

“You look like a gothic Marilyn Monroe. I can see it now, you confusing every metal head and prissy boy alike; in a good way of course…” he chuckles. “I never pictured you as a blonde…” he says, tracing his fingers over the back of the pinned up bleach blonde wig; I know I didn’t care to take out my hair at the studio, but I completely forgot I was still wearing a wig. “My god you’re beautiful…” he says, leaning in to kiss me softly on my cherry red lips.

I want to enjoy the sweet moment, but still my mind is elsewhere; and Till can tell. He pulls away from my lips; his hand falling from the short blonde curls to my neck, rubbing the back of it gently with is thumb.

“What’s wrong mein Engel?” he asks, concern in his voice and confusion in his eyes. I unintentionally grimace at the sound of his pet name, thinking to how it was written onto the small photograph; his concern grows.

“Can we sit down?” I ask, already making my way to the couch, flicking the TV off with the remote; Till takes a seat next to me.

“Lucy what’s wrong?” Till asks again, worry in his voice. I don’t quite know what to say, but I need to say it now, I can’t make my worried German wait any longer.

“Something happened at work…” I mumble, the blank expression still strewn across my face.

“What happened? Did you get hurt? Are you alright?” he asks, worriedly.

The words still won’t come to my mind, so I reach into my bag and pull out the envelope; placing it my large German man’s hands.

I watch at he looks it over, reading my name then looking at me with confusion in his eyes. He opens it up and pulls out the square Polaroid; reading the back, then viewing the picture, same as I did. He just sits there staring at it silently for a while longer, but I can feel him growing agitated.

“You said that man carried an old Polaroid camera with him, didn’t you?” Till says, so far his voice is still steady.

“Pete… yeah” I mutter, quietly. “He must have followed us to the bar”

“He waited at the bar all night till we left to take this?” he questions, getting really agitated now.

“Must have…” I utter.

“So he gave this to you when you were in your dressing room? Were you dressed?” Till asks, his temper definitely rising.

“No… I didn’t see him there at all today. But that was sitting on a bench in my dressing room when I had finished up for the day…” I say nervously as I recall the moment I found it.

“So he was in your dressing room…” Till growls under his breath.

“I never saw him at all, and I looked” I reply, trying to find his restless gaze. “I thought you had gotten through to him yesterday, till I found that.”

Till’s practically boiling over now in his spot and his anger just adds to my anxiety and stress. I find my gaze falling onto the picture in his large hand and I can’t help but feel even worse. Till’s attention must have caught me in my moment of despair and I can feel his temperature drop as he takes his hand in mine.

“Like I said last night, I’ll always look after you” he says, his voice calmed down again. “He’s trying to make himself look tough after I scared him yesterday; but don’t worry, I think he knows better to not take this any further with me being around... We’ll sort this out, everything’s gunna be fine.” He gives my hand a squeeze and flashes me a comforting smile, his eyes full of certainty.

If anyone’s going to protect me it’s definitely Till; his words sound like music to my ears. He lands a gentle kiss on my cheek before putting the picture back in the envelope.

“I finished running you a bath just as you got here; it’d be the perfect temperature now and I think that you’d feel better” he smiles.

“You ran me a bath?” I ask, surprised.

“Well you had a big night out last night and a big day today; I thought you might want to relax when you got home” his thick German accent adding to the sweetness of the sentence.

“You’re so perfect” I say, diving into his arms for a hug.

“I don’t know about that” he chuckles, holding me close. “You on the other hand though…”

“Don’t even start” I say, stopping him before he starts getting mushy. He just laughs at me.

“Come on then, the water will start getting cold if you wait too long” he says standing up, pulling me up with him.

I make my way to the bedroom with Till close behind me. The light is off but the room is slightly lit up from the en-suite light. I sit on the edge of the bed as I kick off my shoes and then making sure to take off my wig so that it doesn’t get wet. I set it down on my side table next to my alarm clock, so that I remember to take it with me tomorrow. I pull my hair out of the fluffy mess of a bun that it has become from sitting under wigs all day, and then smooth it back up into a nicer bun.

I pull off my shirt and then stand up to take off my pants. I gather up my clothes to put in the laundry basket but then catch Till in the corner of my eye.

“New lingerie I see” he smiles, sitting on the edge of the bed. “One less pair of panties I need to buy” he jokes, trying to lighten the mood. I give a smile and a giggle before heading into the bathroom.

I toss the clothes in my hand into the basket before making my way over to the tub. I feel the steam roll over my skin as I slip out of the lacey white lingerie, letting it drop to the floor. I slowly step into the hot, foamy water; goosebumps running over my skin. I gradually lower myself into the inviting water and already feel a bit of relief.

As I sit fully immersed in the steamy water, my resting above and against the porcelain wall; I slowly close my eyes as I relax.

It isn’t long before I hear footsteps and I eventually open my eyes to see my beautiful German man sitting on the floor, facing me. We both smile as we gaze into each other’s eyes. He puts an arm on the edge of the white tub, letting his hand fall into the water, moving it around with his fingertips.

“Feeling better?” he smiles, leaning his head against his arm.

“Much” I smile back, my hand taking his.

“Mind if I join you?” he asks, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Please…” I say, thinking he’d never ask.

He pulls his hand from mine as he stands up from the floor. He pulls his black t-shirt off, exposing his masculine torso and arms; he tosses it away, aiming for the laundry basket. He then pulls off his pants, taking his underwear with it, throwing them aside too.

He walks to the other end of the tub, me pulling my legs up to my body as he steps into the steamy water. He sits down in the fortunately large tub, stretching his legs either side of me, the water rising merely inches below the brim. I crawl to the other end of the tub making my way to lie against him; resting my head below his shoulder and my hand on his chest. His large arms wrap around me as he then rests his head against mine. I hear his steady heartbeat as I completely relax in his embrace, feeling all my worries wash off me into the water.

I close my eyes as I listen to his heartbeat and the trickling water as one of his hands scoops up some water to wash over me, keeping the exposed skin on my shoulder warm. He continues this for a while before resting his hand there, preventing the cool air from touching me.

Right now, not even the thought of today’s confusion and uncertainty could keep me from enjoying this moment. I feel at peace as my mind runs blank, nothing to disturb me from this calm.

Then without warning, I don’t even realize myself slipping off to sleep. I’m so relaxed.

 

_*Splash*_

I shudder as my eyes shoot open at the sound of the water splashing as it echoes around the previously silent room.

“Oh… I’m so sorry mein Engel. I didn’t mean to wake you” Till soothes, running his hand along my arm softly. “I tried to shift a little because I started getting uncomfortable, but I kind of slipped”

I shift over Till a little, feeling the arm I had been laying on becoming numb.

“How long was I asleep…?” I tiredly ask, looking up to Till’s warm, green eyes.

“Not long…” he smiles down at me; but the now barely lukewarm water tells me otherwise. “I think it’s time we should get out now” I nod as I slowly lift myself from Till.

As I start to step out of the tub, I realize that all of the bubbles apart from a few tiny ones that sit against the edge are gone; we’ve definitely been in here a while.

I stand there still barely awake, staring down at my wrinkly fingers before I feel my familiar fluffy towel being wrapped around me. Till pulls me close in his arms as he rubs my back; even though the air would feel cool against his bare wet skin, I feel his body heat radiate onto me, even through the thick towel.

He dries me off, keeping the towel wrapped around me. He pulls me in close again and we stand there for a moment, enjoying the quiet moment before he gently kisses my forehead and then sends me on my way.

I glance over at my alarm clock as I head into my walk-in wardrobe; we’d have spent well over an hour in that tub. I smile at the thought that he had patiently laid there will me while I got some well needed rest. The whole skin to skin contact in the water made for a very fulfilling and intimate relaxation, every worry that I could have ever possibly had just drifting away; I feel so much better now.

I grab a fresh pair of panties from the draw and grab one of Till’s old and baggy band t-shirts, for extra comfort.

I head back out and drop the clothes on the bed before heading over to find the light switch. I flick it on before heading back to the bed. I drop my towel before slipping on my underwear, and then Till’s worn out Black Sabbath shirt.

As I pull the shirt over me I feel two big arms wrap around my waist. I turn around in the embrace to face Till, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

“You should probably have something to eat meine Geliebte” Till says, gently rubbing my back. “Then we can get into bed”

I stand there for a while longer, not letting go of my warm German man. His bare skin is soft to the touch and his chest rises gently against my face with every breath he takes; I don’t want to ever leave his embrace. I feel a soft kiss being placed on my head as I continue to hold him tight.

“Everything’s going to be fine mein Engel” Till says, still holding me close. “It’ll all be alright, I promise….”


	8. Lust

I slowly make my way up the shiny white staircase to the first floor where the studio is. I rub my eyes tiredly as I yawn, confused at why I am so tired after all the sleep I got last night.

After Till and I got out of the bath last night he said I should probably eat something; so he made me a sandwich. I ate maybe half of it before I started falling asleep again, then big arms were once again carrying me off to bed. He seems to be doing that a lot lately.

“Ah, Lucy!” Hinata yells as he scurries his way towards me; his excited outburst nearly makes tired me jump as I reach the top of the stairs.

“Good morning Hinata” I smile as he pulls me in for a hug, startling me as he squeezes the air from me.

“I’m so happy with the shoot yesterday, you did such a great job!” he says, finally releasing me from his unexpectedly strong embrace.

“Oh, thank you. Did the shots come out good?” I ask, trying to fight back the urge to yawn again.

“They turned out great, we’ve got a lot of good material to work with” he beams, “and now I hope your all pumped up, today’s gunna be a big day!”

“Oh, I am…” I say, trying to look excited as I can through my tired baggy eyes.

“Today’s sin is Lust! So we’re going to have you looking sultry and seductive! For the first shoot we’ve got a male model in to work with you who will be ‘hunting’ you down, driven by ‘lust’; so exciting! So off to your dressing room you go, my dear. Go and freshen up; and once Mel or one of the hair and makeup artists get here, I’ll send them your way” he says, almost pushing me in the direction of my little dressing room. He’s obviously very excited.

I can’t help but wonder where he gets all his energy from. I mean he’d be in his 40’s this guy, not that that’s old, but he’s got more energy than little 24 year old me!

I continue my slow tired pace to my dressing room, giving a smile and a wave to the set designers and the other crew members that notice me as I pass.

I walk through the door tossing my little black bag on the bench. I switch on the light, and then make my way over to where all the wigs I’ll be wearing are lined up on Styrofoam heads on a shelf. I open up the plastic bag in my hand and pull out the curly blonde wig from last night; placing it on the only bare head, then carefully rearranging the curls. I can’t believe I forgot to take this thing off me last night.

I turn to head back to have a seat at the makeup counter, but find myself nearly tripping. I look down to see my white lace stay-up tights from last night. God I hope I didn’t just put a run in them.

I pick them up quickly giving them a quick inspection. As I decide that I haven’t done any damage I realize something. I remember throwing these on the bench when I left last night… Why are they on the floor…?

No one comes in here apart from me and my stylist team; and I was the last to leave yesterday and the first to get here today out of us girls. There’s no other explanation of how my tights ended up at the other end of the room apart from, someone else has been in my room.

My eyes widen and my tiredness leaves in a blink of an eye as my heart begins to race. I somehow managed to forget about the Polaroid from yesterday afternoon, so it hadn’t crossed my mind till just now that there could be another waiting for me today.  

Without a thought I drop the tights on the floor where I had just picked them up from. I slowly make my way over to that same bench from yesterday. As I eventually reach it, my eyes begin to search it frantically; but I see nothing. I shift the clutter of random bits of jewellery and makeup around to be sure, but still nothing.

I think I’m in the clear, thankfully. But then I realize there’s still one place I haven’t checked.

My eyes glance up to my little black bag as my hand reaches over to grab it. I slowly and hesitantly pick it up to unfortunately reveal a little white envelope underneath it; the thing I had been praying not to find.

I reach out with my other hand and pick it up, then setting my bag back down with the other. My eyes don’t leave the white envelope as I make my way across to the makeup counter where the lighting is a lot better.

I ease myself into my makeup chair as my heart continues to race. I turn the envelope over and run my finger underneath where the top flap isn’t completely sealed, slowly peeling it open. A million thought’s run through my mind but I just keep telling myself that it’s fine; it’s just another picture from the other night trying to taunt me for Till going off at him. But as I slip the square photograph out, I realized that it’s not.

I run my eyes over the hand written text on the back, ‘You looked even more beautiful than the other night’. A wave of confusion crashes over me as I stop myself from turning the picture over. So this isn’t another photo from the other night at the bar? I can only assume that he snuck onto the set yesterday and took a photo of me then, but I could be wrong.

And I am…

As I turn the Polaroid around my heart practically stops as my eyes behold something I was not prepared for at all. I feel sick in the stomach and actually think that I might throw up as the picture slips from my shaking hands.

“Good morning Lucy!” I hear Mel beam as she walks through the door, unintentionally scaring me.

“Holy shit…” I gasp as I cover the photo with my hand and turn and face her.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you!” she says, trying to apologize. “Um Lucy, are you alright…? You don’t look so good…”

“Um, no… not really…” I stutter, my heart still pounding.

“Well we need to get started on your hair and makeup now…”

“No!” I interrupt, a little too abruptly than I had intended. “I mean, I just don’t feel well right now… can you give me half an hour?”

“I guess so… do you need anything?” she asks, worry written on her face.

“No, I just need a moment. I just feel a little off is all…” I try to smile, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me while she’s still here.

“Alright then… just give me a yell if you need something…” she says, uncertainty in her voice.

I leap up from the chair as Mel closes the door behind her. I race over to my bag and pull my phone out; my hands shaking as I frantically try to type Till’s number on the touch screen.

I hold the phone up to my ear and begin to uneasily pace as I listen to the phone ring.

“Hallo?” my German man says on the other end.

“Till… I…” I try to speak, but I can’t bring myself to say the words that I want to say.

“Is everything all right?” Till asks, his voice tells me he can tell that something is wrong.

I try to find the words to say but all I can manage to mutter is the same words from last night, “something’s happened at work…”

“I’ll be right there” he says, ending the call. He doesn’t even ask what’s happened, but I think that he knows. He just has no idea how worse it is from last night though…

 

I spend the next 20 minutes continuing to pace the room, back and forth. I keep myself from looking at the photo; but the image never leaves my mind… Right now I’m just trying to keep myself calm; because apparently panic attacks are a part of my life now after everything that happened with Richard, and I’m desperately trying to avoid one right now.

“She’s in here” I hear Mel say from the other side of the door, just before Till bursts through, closing the door behind him.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?” he asks, his breathing is heavy like he’s just ran all the way up here from the cab; and his eyes are full of concern.

I feel a small amount of relief just by Till being here, but I still can’t find any words. I nervously raise my hand and point over to the makeup counter.

Till looks at me confused, but follows my direction and cautiously walks over to the counter. He picks up the Polaroid and my heart beats even faster. It feels like forever that he stares at it, and I almost can’t handle the silence.

“When did you find this?” he asks, finally breaking the silence.

“It was on the bench when I got here…” I nervously stammer.

“Did you see anyone come in here when you got here?” he questions, his temper beginning to rise.

“No, the room was closed up when I got here.” I reply.

“What the FUCK!?” he yells startling me, no longer able to contain his temper.

“Till, shhh…” I anxiously hush, running over to his side trying to calm him. I really don’t want anyone else to hear and then get involved.

“I’m going to fucking kill him” he growls under his breath, tossing the photo away.

I rush over to where the photo has landed, reluctantly picking it up. My eyes once again scan over the photo of me that was obviously taken last night. It’s of me in my bedroom just after I had gotten out of the bath; I’m naked…

I think back to all the times the sun peeked through those curtains at the window and told myself that I was going to close them... God I wish that I had.

I stand there staring at the photo, unable to move or take my eyes away. Till brings me out of my motionless hell as he takes the picture from my hands.

“I’m going to take the photos to the police and I’m going to get this sorted out right now” he says, anger beaming through his voice. “That scum is going to get what’s coming to him”.

“Till… I…” I stutter, on the verge of tears; my emotions starting to fill now that the shock is starting to fade.

“It’s going to be okay” he says, pulling me into his strong embrace. He tries to comfort me in this stressful moment, but his raging heartbeat that I can feel against his chest does nothing to help calm me. I can feel the rage and fury radiating off of him; Pete has crossed a line.

I’m scared…

“What’s going on?” I hear from behind Till. I glance around him to see Hinata enter the room. “I heard yelling and Mel said there was something wrong…”

Till lets go of me and walks over to Hinata and shakes his hand.

“Hallo, my name is Till; I’m Lucy’s boyfriend” he says, calming himself.

“Well nice to meet you, I’m Hinata. Is everything okay?” he asks, worried.

“May I talk to you outside, in private?” Till asks, obviously needing to explain the situation.

“Yes, that will be fine. But Lucy, you need to start getting ready, otherwise we’re going to get behind” he says, looking a bit anxious.

“Yes I’m ready now, sorry Hinata” I reply, hoping I haven’t cause too much strain on the morning.

“That’s alright my dear, I’ll see you out there soon” he says, leaving the room.

“I’ll be waiting out the front when you finish up today; I’m not letting you leave on your own incase that fuck is out there waiting for you” he keeps his voice down, but his temper has risen again. He doesn’t often swear around me, but I think he’s too angry to even notice. “I’ll get this sorted out; just call me if you need to.” He says kissing me on my forehead.

He picks the envelope up, shoving the Polaroid inside before making his exit out of the door; leaving me alone. But it isn’t long before Mel appears. Her expression is full of confusion and there’s genuine worry in her eyes; whether she overheard anything, I don’t know.

“Are you alright Lucy?” she asks, closing the door behind her.

“I’m alright now, I just needed to see Till was all” I lie, trying to act as normal as I can manage. I still feel sick from that image in my head, but right now I need to get my shit together. I won’t let anything endanger this project; it’s so important to so many people, including me. Nothing could have prepared me for what just happened, but nothing’s going to stop me from giving my all at work; I won’t give in like that.

“So let’s get started then, shall we?” I say, spreading on the biggest smile I can. I don’t think she completely believes I’m alright, but my camera ready smile helps convince her, even if it is fake.

I take my seat in front of the makeup counter once again, ready for the work to begin. I keep my composure the whole time, never giving away the troubles that are running wild in my mind. That picture of me…

Till’s going to sort things out anyway; I just need to wait.


	9. Recalling

I make my way back down the white stairs that I had climbed earlier this morning. I don’t feel the need to be wary and search the area as I can see my large German man, patiently waiting outside the glass doors. He sees me coming and opens the large door with ease, letting me slip past.

He immediately pulls me into his embrace as he lets the door go, holding me there for a moment; giving me that physical connection that I had been craving all day. I had made it through the day, but a moment didn’t go by where Till wasn’t on my mind; I needed him.

“How was work?” he asks, leading me towards the black town car that is already waiting.

“Yeah it was good” I flash a smile, letting him know that I mean it. “The shoots were nice and busy; helped keep my mind off things…”

Till tries his best to give a supportive smile, but I can see the hurt in his eyes. He opens the car door to let me slide in, carefully closing it behind me. I slide the cabin divider up for some privacy from the driver as Till walks around the other side and gets in. The car immediately takes off; the driver must already know where we’re going.

“I talked to your photographer, Hinata” Till starts, looking over my way. “I explained the situation but said that you would want it to stay private”.

“Thank you” I say, “What did you tell him?”

“Well I told him about Pete, who he already knew of, and told him that his antics were becoming out of hand in an inappropriate way.” Till replies, recalling his conversation with Hinata. “I told him about the photos and that if anyone is to see him that they are to notify the police immediately. He was really concerned and said if you need anything to just ask”

“That was kind of him, I’m glad he understands” I reply, feeling a bit of comfort.

“Yeah, he seems like a good man” Till agrees. “So I took the two photos he took of you to the police station today.”

“So they’re going to be looking for him?” I ask, hopeful.

“Well yes, but you need to give a statement first; that’s where we’re going now” he replies.

“Oh, okay…” I say, a sudden rush of anxiety washes over me for some reason; I don’t know why I suddenly feel so nervous. I guess going to the police just suddenly made everything feel so serious, so real.

“You’ve just got to give a description of him and tell them a couple other things and then they’ll take care of the rest, okay?” he says reassuringly, taking notice of my subtle change of mood. “It’ll be fine”. He lands a soft kiss on my cheek and takes my hand, running his thumb over it gently, soothingly.

 

It’s another 20 minutes before we reach the police station, making our way through the busy New York traffic. Till held my hand the whole way, never letting go. He always makes the effort to make me feel as comfortable as he can, he’s amazing like that.

We get to the police station and I nervously make my way inside with Till. Whoever’s working at the administration desk recognizes Till straight away, and they immediately lead us through into a small office. We’re then greeted by the same officer who had talked to Till earlier that day, Detective Smith. It surprises me a little to see him wearing plain clothes, as I always assumed that everyone in the police department wore a uniform.

He shakes Till’s hand then introduces himself to me, shaking my hand then motioning us to take a seat at his desk. He gives me a rundown of what Till had told him that morning; Pete had been following me at work, Till had confronted him, and now the situation has become more serious; especially with the photo I had received today.

He then says to me that he’ll need to take my personal statement on the matter and to think back to the very beginning.

I start my recollection from the very first day we met at the game launch here in New York. I try to recall our first encounter in great detail, which isn’t hard; that man was so odd, right from the beginning. I then go on and try to recall all the times he had shown up to studio’s that I was modelling in; all the times that he would stand outside all day waiting for me to come out so he could take a picture, then all the other times that he couldn’t wait and just came inside and took one anyway. I said of how crew members would threaten him with calling the police when he did this, and how that was always enough to make him leave.

I then remember back to a few weeks ago when I was out having a coffee with Oliver at his favourite Café that he wanted to introduce me to. I remember seeing Pete there and thinking what a crazy coincidence; but in hindsight it’s starting to seem like he may have followed us there.

After this realization I feel like it’s all becoming too much. Apart from him wanting me to sign my pictures at work, has he really been following me? If so, then for how long? How long has it been that I have been blissfully unaware of his lurking?

Till interrupts me from my silent train of thought and brings me back to reality, taking my hand and rubbing it with his thumb. Detective Smith then asks me to recount the last two days when I started receiving the photographs.

I tell him how both times I found each photograph in my dressing room, each in an envelope with nothing but my name on the front. The first I found in the afternoon after my shoot, unable to recall anyone entering my dressing room let alone Pete. And then the second was waiting there in the morning, before I had even arrived on set.

Detective Smith then places the first Polaroid in front of me, and asks me to recount that moment. I tell him where we were and what we were doing and told him that that was the day that Till had approached him and told him to leave me alone.

He then presents me with the second photo, and I can’t even look at it; I immediately feel sick. Not only just for the fact that Pete had secretly taken this photo of me, but now this officer and who knows who else has seen it; I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of my exposed body. This is getting too much.

Till takes notice of my quickened breathing and I’m sure he can feel my racing heartbeat pulsing through my hand. I look up to see his concerned eyes, and then that’s when I break.

A stream of tears begins to fall from my eyes and the pain in Till’s only grows worse. He tries to calm me down, rubbing my hand soothingly and wiping away my tears. He says as soon as I finish giving my statement, the sooner this will be over and we won’t have to worry about it, the police will take care of the rest.

The detective gives me a reassuring smile in agreeance, but it still takes me a few minutes to calm myself down enough to keep going. Through my continuing tears and blubbering, I tell him about the second picture. I tell him I had just gotten out of the bath, (leaving out the part that Till was in there with me, I didn’t want to embarrass myself any more than what I already was) and was getting dressed in my bedroom when the photograph was evidently taken.

Till squeezes my hand and flashes me a small smile, letting me know I did well talking about something I’m so uncomfortable with. The detective thanks me for giving me the information he needed but needs just a few more minutes of my time. He asks for a description of Pete, which I give to him; describing that creepy little man, whose antics I regret not having taken more seriously. But I go one better and also give him his last name.

When I first met Pete and he introduced himself to me, for some reason he felt the need to tell me his full name; and for some god unknown reason I had remembered it. Pete Wesley.

The detective says they’ll look him up and try and find out as much as they can about him. If they are able to track him down they would arrest him on stalking, menacing and harassment charges. He explains that this is very much a stalker case and that unfortunately he was probably aggravated when Till confronted him, alerting him to the fact that I have another man in my life. He tells me that stalkers can be very possessive and that I should be careful and conscious of myself until they find him; but yet he tells me not to worry and that they’ll take it from here.

 

I leave the police station with Till with a number of mixed feelings running through my mind. On one hand they tell me that I should be very careful as this could be a dangerous situation, and then on the other hand that I shouldn’t worry as ‘they’ve got this’. And not just that but the fact that other people have seen the naked photo of me; it makes me feel sick.

As we stand on the steps of the police station waiting for our town car to arrive, an awful thought crosses my mind. If Pete took this photo, how many more did he have…? Then I can’t help but think, what was he doing with them…?

Okay I really do feel sick now, like I might actually be sick.

I can practically feel the colour drain from my face and Till looks down at me as it does, concern growing in his eyes.

“Lucy, are you alright?” he asks worried.

I want to reply but at the moment I’m too focused on not being sick in public. I think Till assumes that I’m trying not to have a panic attack and just pulls me into his tight embrace, trying to keep me calm. He startles me a little and now I really have to focus on not being sick, the last thing I want to do is to throw up all over him. But it isn’t long before that sickly feeling fades away as I just concentrate on his comforting embrace.

My tears start to fall again though, and I suddenly realize that I’m beginning to soak Till’s shirt; but he doesn’t mind. He just rubs circles on my back, not minding any odd stares from strangers that walk by; his attention right now is solely on me.

Soon enough our car arrives and we both climb inside. He holds me close and never let’s go the whole ride; he knows how much I need him. And out of all of the awful and terrible thoughts that are running through my mind, I can’t help but think of how lucky I am to have Till. I’d be lost right now without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could hear everyone's thoughts as they read the new chapters I post. I say this because I have no idea what it's like to read my own work without knowing what's going to happen, haha.   
> I hope you're all enjoying it so far! I know I take you all on a crazy, emotional, kind of (very) messed up journey... but isn't it fun? haha.  
> Let me know how you're feeling about our new little adventure so far ;)


	10. Pride

“Thank you Mel” I say as she slips yet another corset from me.

Today’s sin is pride; and in our last scene Hinata had me in a corset. I had my hair tied back and the only makeup I wore was some shadowing and contouring to make me look thinner and malnourished. He had me sit at a table with a knife and fork and a plate, with nothing on the plate. His idea for this particular scene was to show how pride can make you go to the extremes; like starving yourself and manipulating your body to maintain a certain look. I mean of course this shot sounds like it would fit in better with envy, but in regards to the other scenes we did, it all makes sense.

“I bet you can’t wait to get that makeup off, you look starved!” Mel laughs, hanging my corset up in amongst the other clothes.

“Yeah, it’s not very becoming of me, is it?” I laugh back, beginning to wipe the ghastly dark shadows from my face with a makeup wipe.

“Well I’m off then. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Mel beams, grabbing her bag and heading out the door, closing it again behind her.

“See you Mel!” I yell after her.

Today went rather well for me. All our scenes turned out perfect and everything went like clockwork, falling perfectly into place. Everyone was nice, we had a few funny moments, there was nothing that could bring me down; not even a little white envelope.

I was gladly surprised that I had not come across anything from Pete today. There was nothing waiting in the morning, and everytime I came back to my dressing room there was nothing waiting for me then either. Perhaps maybe the police caught up with him; but I’m trying not to dwell on it.

I finish taking off my makeup and throw the dirty wipe into the bin. I grab my ripped slate grey jeans and my old vintage slayer shirt and get dressed. Then just as I finish slipping on my trusty old vans, I hear my phone buzzing. I pick it up from the bench and smile as I read the message from Till, ‘I’m waiting downstairs xx’.

I switch off the light and grab my bag and my phone, heading out the door. I shut the door behind me and then shove my phone into my bag; but, I feel something…

 My heart skips a beat as my hand brushes past the foreign object in my bag. I look down at my hands as I reluctantly pry my bag open; displaying the item that I had thought I had evaded today. The small white envelope with my name hand written in blue ink stared right back at me.

“Sick shirt, Lucy!” Dave says as he walks past, startling me into reality.

“Thanks” I manage to smile back.

 Dave’s one of the set designers and also a bit of a metal head. He’s usually got his earphones in listening to music, and we can always clearly hear the songs because of their terrible quality; but he’s a really cool guy.

But not even Dave and his smiling face can distract me for long; just as soon as he comes and leaves, the presence of the envelope invades my thoughts again. But after what I produced from yesterday’s envelope, I am way too scared to open this one; Till can open this for me.

I hurriedly make my way to the staircase and then down the stairs till I’m almost practically jogging towards the big glass doors that lead to the streets. I push one of the heavy doors open and almost startle my large German man who is leaning against the buildings wall on the other side. A large smile spreads across his face as I make my way over to him.

“Finally a good day for mein Engel” he beams pulling me into his arms.

A little earlier I had messaged Till telling him that I had not heard or seen anything regarding Pete, and he was obviously happy about that; but after I fail to hug him back, he pulls away sensing that something is wrong. He reads the expression on my face and his smile fades, his expression changing to match something similar to that of my own.

“Did you find another one?” Till asks, referring to the white envelope.

I don’t even need to say yes as he already knows the answer to the question. I reach into my black bag and pull out the envelope, delivering it to his hands.

“I haven’t opened it yet… I’m too scared” I say, nervously hugging my bag close to me.

I watch him impatiently as he begins to open the envelope; removing the square photograph. The image is in his view, and it mustn’t be too bad as his expression doesn’t change. He then turns the photo over, his eyes tracing over the text before I notice his jaw clench.

“Till, what does it say…?” I ask, curiously.

“Why would you go to the police? I love you…” he pauses before finishing the rest of the sentence with great displeasure, “…mein Engel…”

I nearly drop my bag as I reach out and grab onto his hands, stopping him from crumpling the Polaroid picture. I take it from his hands and my eyes run over the words, ‘mein Engel’; Till really does hate that he calls me this. I remember when Till had confronted Pete, he called me that in front of him; I guess that’s why he writes it on all of these pictures. Everytime I see it on these photos, it ruins it for me a little more everytime; and Till can tell. After yesterday’s distressing turn, I flinched with unease when Till called me that. I could tell it hurt him that the pet name he’d given me was now causing me pain, and I noticed that until just before he’d been trying to refrain from using it; and now that’s beginning to hurt me.

I turn the photo over to reveal the image. It’s of me and Till standing on the steps of the police station; he must have taken this just as we were leaving. I shudder at the thought that he had followed the both of us to there; to a police station. The nerve of that man.

As I continue to stare at the photograph, I manage to work myself up again; a few stray tears beginning to trickle down my cheeks from my eyes. Till pulls me from my torturous gaze as he wipes away the escaping tears, giving me a soft smile through the pain that is still clearly written on his face. Right now this ordeal is taking its toll on the both of us; neither of us able to figure out how to get through this. We’re both helpless as each other as all we can do is wait.

“Come on…” Till says, motioning towards the car. “I guess we’re taking another trip to the police station…”


	11. Dinner Out

I let out a heavy sigh as Till and I make our way down the concrete steps, away from the police station.

“So what do we do now?” I ask Till, looking his way.

“Well, they said that he must have given you a fake name because they couldn’t find anything about him in the system, so they can’t trace him to a house or workplace or a phone; All we can do is wait Lucy…” Till replies; he sounds worn out.

“Oh, I meant what are we doing right now; I’m kind of hungry…” I reply, correcting Till on what I meant. “But yeah, all we can do now is wait…”

“Oh, sorry” he says, stopping at the foot of the stairs. “I don’t really feel like making anything tonight. How about we go out for dinner?”

“Sounds great” I smile up at him. Dinner out sounds like a nice little distraction for the both of us, lord knows we deserve it.

Till takes my small hand in his and leads me down the street. We take our time casually walking down the street; we’re not in any hurry and we’re both enjoying our time together. We walk for about two blocks till we come across this little Italian restaurant neither of us have been to before. There were a few other restaurants nearby, but as soon as Till saw ‘Italian’ he led us in here; he knows that Cabonara is my favourite, which is precisely what I ordered. Enjoying my favourite dish certainly makes me feel better, and Till knows that well; he’s so thoughtful.

We wait in silence for our meals to come; apart from the usual ‘how was your day?’ and ‘what did you get up to?’. We enjoy an entrée of yummy Garlic and Tomato Bruschetta before we dig into our mains. Me with my delicious Carbonara and Till with his ‘loaded meat’ pizza. Typical German to go for the thing with the most meat on the menu; I steal a slice and he steals some of my pasta.

Once our stomachs are full and our minds are no longer clouded with hungry anger, we start to talk about the situation at hand. After the police not being able to give us any help, the topic was bound to come up again.

“So, what do we do now?” Till asks, repeating my question from earlier; but this time he is talking about our situation.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do” I reply, sighing at my words.

“Shouldn’t you be more worried?” he asks, confused at the calmness of my words.

“Well like I said, there’s nothing we can do; so there’s no use getting upset about it, it’ll only make things worse” I say, looking into his concerned eyes. “But believe me, I am worried. I’m only just holding it together Till…”

“I know…” Till says, reaching his hand across the table and placing it on mine. “So am I… This would all be all over already if we were in Germany. I could have had this whole problem all sorted out by now if we were in Berlin; I know people”

“What kind of people…?” I ask, giving him a look of concern.

“Not bad people” he replies, realizing that I might have been thinking that he was implying some kind of hitman or something. “I have some contacts in the industry that deal with this kind of thing.”

“Well tell them to move to America!” I joke, attempting to try and lighten the mood.

“I wish I could meine Geliebte…” Till says, his eyes heavy with pain. “I wish I could make this all go away…”

“I know… me too…” I reply, the atmosphere returning to its heavy mood again. “I just feel so scared all the time. Like when I’m working on the shoots, I try to focus as best I can and enjoy myself; but the whole time in the back of my mind all I can think about is whether he is watching me, or if I’ll find something waiting back in my dressing room. I’m just so stressed all of the time, it’s really hard to just try and be happy…”

“I know… it hurts me so much to watch what you’re going through, and to not be able to do a single thing about it. I’m going out of my mind wondering what might happen next. It would kill me if something were to happen to you…” Till says, his eyes heavy as thoughts run through his mind.

“I just don’t understand why he’s doing it. Like why does he have to follow me around? Why me…?” I ask, confused and on the verge of tears.

“I don’t know why, but if I ever got my hands on him I would tear him apart” Till says, his eyes now burning with anger. “Just the thought of that creep following you around makes my blood boil. If he ever lays a hand on you, I swear…”

“He won’t…” I interrupt, “The police will catch up with him before it gets any worse… I hope…” My words get stuck in my throat as I wish I could believe them, but I’m finding it difficult to. I can only hope that the police are able to catch up with him before it gets any worse, but there is no guarantee that they will. I mean, there’s a chance that they may never catch him.

“Hey, they will…” Till says, putting on a smile trying to reassure me. He takes my hands in his, “I wish I could just take you away from here. I wish I could just sweep you off to Germany with me” his eyes and face begin to light up with his words. “We could start a whole new life together there; we could leave all this drama behind and just focus on each other, like before. You wouldn’t even have to work anymore; I would take care of you”

I can’t help but smile at his fantasy of an easy happy life. It’s so comforting to see his expression filled with such happiness and excitement.

“Oh, but… I’m not saying you should…” Till says, his excitement dying down a little. “I’ll be happy wherever I go, just as longs as it’s with you…”

I smile at his sweet words; but before I get time to say anything, he leans forward and pulls me in close by my neck, kissing me ever so sweetly. We stay in that spot for a moment; our heads resting against each other, our lips lingering and savoring the moment. Till releases me slightly, our heads departing enough so that our eyes now meet. His deep blue, green eyes stare into mine so heavenly.

“You’re so beautiful…” he says; his thumb caressing my cheek.

I feel myself blush and I can’t help but pull away; slightly embarrassed by his sudden compliment.

“Till, I look and feel like shit right now…” I say, commenting on my current state of stress and that I am wearing zero makeup.

“I don’t care, it doesn’t matter” he replies, his smile and eyes so genuine. “You’re still beautiful to me…” 

For the brief moment his gentle and sweet words make everything else disappear. All I can think about in that moment is how lucky I am to have Till; how he can make me smile so easily with just a few simple words. But the moment is stolen from me when Till tries to kiss me again, and I unfortunately find myself pushing him away.

“What’s the matter?” Till asks, quite confused. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry…” I reply, feeling terrible for refusing him for the petty reason I’m about to give him. “I just can’t help but think that we’re being watched right now…”

We both have a gaze about the room and out through the windows trying to find the culprit; but to no avail. But even though we can’t see him, it still doesn’t mean that he may not be there. And once again his unconfirmed presence is haunting my thoughts; the stress and anxiety building up again in my mind.

“I’m sorry…” I apologize again; even though it’s caused by him, I can’t help but feel guilt that this is all because of me. I’m part of the reason that this is happening.

“Don’t be sorry” Till replies, his eyes heavy again with pain; watching me struggle with the demons in my mind. He takes my hands again and looks into my eyes. “I’m here right now, he can’t hurt you; I won’t let him…”

As I gaze into his determined eyes I start to feel a little relieved. He’s not wrong. By the way I watched Pete run away from Till last time and how Till is feeling right now, if we were to run into him again, I think it would pretty much be a one sided fight. It would definitely be a fight that Till would win.

We sit for a while longer before making our way back home; Till still holding my hands, his thumbs tracing over the backs of mine. I enjoy the time I have with Till even more so than usual, as it’s really the only time that I feel safe. But apparently Pete has gotten into my head so much so now that I’m scared to kiss Till in public. I just want this to end. I feel terrible.


	12. Envy

I found another envelope at work today.

Luckily I had found it just after we had wrapped up the shoot for the day. Mel and I had gone back to the dressing room and she was helping me get undressed as usual when I spotted it. I didn’t freeze up like I usually do when I see the envelopes; instead this time I was angry. I was so angry that he had taken yet another photo and that he had somehow slipped it into my dressing room during the day unnoticed yet again. I was so angry that this was still happening; but nothing prepared me for what was inside.

The picture was of Till and I kissing at dinner last night. It says ‘I’m going to punish you for this. You’re mine, mein Engel’.

It wasn’t that my suspicions last night that he had followed us to the restaurant were correct; it was the words written on the Polaroid.

_‘I’m going to punish you for this’_

With those 7 simple words the situation had changed and became even worse in a way that I didn’t foresee. _What does that mean? How is he going to punish me? When is he going to punish me? Is he coming for me now…?_

I panicked.

At reading the words and not knowing when or how this ‘punishment’ was going to unfold, I started to freak out. Usually I can calm myself down enough to avoid having a panic attack; but not today.

I scared Mel so much, especially because I couldn’t tell her what was wrong. All I could do was point to my phone as I backed myself into a corner on the floor hyperventilating. Thankfully she caught my drift and called Till straight away.

I was just fortunate that Till was already downstairs waiting for me to finish when this unfolded, and it barely took him a minute to fly up those stairs and into my dressing room.

When Till came rushing into the room he found me sitting in the corner, my knees hugged up close to my chest and my hands gripping my throbbing head as I rocked myself back and forth; the anxiety and fear gripping my mind as I found myself barely able to breath.

“Should I get someone?” Mel asked panicked.

“No, she’s okay, I’ve got this” Till replied, ushering her out of the room.

As Mel closed the door shut behind her, Till rushed down to me, sitting on the floor at my feet.

“Hey it’s alright now, come here” he said, worry in his voice as he practically picked me up and shifted me into his lap; his large arms wrapping around me completely, holding me so close.

“You need to calm down now meine Geliebte, I’m right here, you’re okay now…” he soothed, right before the Polaroid that had fallen from my hands onto the ground caught his eye.

He picked it up, quickly glancing over the image and the words before tossing it aside.

“You’re safe now, I’m here; he can’t hurt you while I’m here…” he said. Through my panic I noticed that I couldn’t sense anger in his words after viewing the picture. At that time all that he was concerned about was me, and the worry was all I could hear in his voice.

My chest started to ache as I found myself still hyperventilating. My heart was pounding and I couldn’t help but shake even though Till held me tight.

“Lucy, please try to breathe properly… take deep breaths” he urged, gently rocking us both back and forth.

The rocking and Till’s embrace had a comforting effect and I tried my hardest to regulate my breathing. I just focused on the fact that _Till’s here, I’m safe_ , and just kept trying to taking deep breaths.

It took a while, but sure enough I slowed my erratic breathing down to match the pace of Till’s rocking and his own breathing; his large chest rising up and down against me.

As soon as the hyperventilation subsided, a river of tears took its place. My breathing had returned back to normal, but I continued to shake as my tears uncontrollably escaped my eyes.

“Hey, it’s alright now…” Till soothed; beginning to rub circles onto my back with his large palm. “I’m right here, he can’t hurt you”

I believed his words as I know for a fact that as long as Till is here, I’m safe. I don’t think anyone would dare touch me while he’s around; but still my tears fell. With or without reason, I couldn’t stop them even if I tried; I needed to let go… and so did Till.

Through my tears I could just feel the anger building up in him. He lifted me off his lap and placed me down on the floor, getting up from where he was sitting.

“Get ready to leave Lucy, I’ll be right back” he said, leaving the room.

As I wiped tears from my face and fumbled about the place trying to find my clothes, I could hear Till’s booming voice, even through the closed door.

I slipped my clothes and shoes on as fast as I could, grabbing my bag before running out of the room.

“I asked you to make sure that he didn’t enter the premises, but somehow everyday he has managed to break into her dressing room unnoticed during the shoots and leave these fucking ‘gifts’ for her to find!” Till yelled at Hinata, pushing the empty envelope against his chest.

“Till stop!” I yelled, finally catching up to him; pulling his hand away from Hinata’s chest. “It’s not his fault!”

“She just had one of the worst fucking panic attacks because he somehow got in again and I’m holding you responsible!” he yelled again, pointing aggressively as I continued to try and hold his arm back.

“Till, I said it’s not his fault!” I protested, trying to make him leave Hinata alone and stop causing a scene in front of what was left of the crew for the day.

But at the same time I was happy Till was saying those words, because he wasn’t wrong. Hinata promised that he’d make sure no one was going to enter my room and yet it was happening every day. As much of a scene Till was making his words were true and needed to be said; I’m getting scared.

It took a while of pleading but I finally got Till to budge after I said we needed to take the photo to the police station; where we are leaving just now.

Once again we make our way down the dirty concrete steps; but our hearts heavier than usual. They have made no progress on tracking Pete down and even with his threat on today’s photo, they said there’s nothing they can do but wait.

“I can’t fucking believe them” Till growls, pacing at the foot of the stairs. “He straight out threatens you and they tell us they can’t do a thing but wait!”

“Till, calm down…” I plead; but before he gets the chance he blindly walks into a pedestrian. His large frame toppling the man who seemed to be exercising over.

“Watch where you’re walking!” Till yells; the man in the black hoodie and jeans continuing his run without another word.

“Till!” I scold, as he clearly walked into that man and then yelled at him instead of apologizing.

“He should have been looking at where he was going” he spits, still angry from today’s events. “And who wears clothes like that in the summer anyway?”

“It makes you sweat more I guess, I don’t know!” I reply, starting to get annoyed at his blinded attitude. “Just forget about him and let’s go home…”

“No, I don’t want to” Till replies, anger still present in his voice. “That man is not going to make us a prisoner in our own home; we’re not going home”

“Well where do you want to go then?” I ask, growing tired of this whole awful vibe.

“I don’t care; I need a drink…” he says, realizing that I’m getting stressed and tries to control his temper.

“Well how about we go to the bar we were at the other night?” I suggest, a spark of genius hitting me. “Your friend Dorian is there, remember?”

I watch as his expression starts to change and he calms down a bit at the suggestion of seeing his friend. Getting Till to vent to someone else that isn’t me is exactly what he needs right now, and I’m so fortunate that we ran into Dorian at the start of the week because he’s really the only friend of Till’s that I know of that is still in New York. I mean I could call Richard, but I don’t see that ending well for anyone.

“Okay, we’ll go there” Till replies, letting out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay…” I say, giving him a small reassuring smile. Today has taken its toll on the both of us and I understand why he’s so worked up right now. Something is hurting the one person he loves and there’s nothing he can do about it. For a huge athletic man like Till, he must feel so helpless. It’s hitting him hard.

We hail a cab and give the directions before we’re off again towards the bar. Hopefully the night turns around for us…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for making you guys wait longer than usual.   
> Unfortunately I had a death in the family and we had to say goodbye to my favourite Uncle. In chapter 10 I snuck in a little tribute to my Uncle Dave so he’ll forever be immortalized in a part of my work. Cancers a bitch.   
> But don’t be sad! He’s definitely in a much better place now. 
> 
> Like always leave any feedback or comments you may want! The plot is only going to grow thicker from here!


	13. Two Tequila's

Till and I make our way through open doors of the bar. The same bar that only four days ago, all the boys and I were here together on top of the world, reminiscing, drinking and enjoying ourselves; how things have changed…

In such a short space of time, my life has gone from perfect to being tipped upside down; head under water, unable to breathe, and unable to escape. Right now with this sense of not being able to do anything about this horrible situation and the authorities saying that all I can do is wait; I feel trapped…

We make our way over to the bar and take a seat on the worn fake red leather stools. We begin to scan the room after realizing that the man we came to see isn’t behind the bar. Just our luck, he isn’t here.

“He must be on his night off…” Till says, unimpressed; obviously still a little grumpy from earlier on.

“You looking for Dorian?” a voice from behind the bar asks.

Mine and Till’s attention is suddenly stolen when we realize the man behind the bar is talking to us.

“Um, yeah” I reply, confused at how he knew we were looking for him.

“I remember your group from the other night” the bartender with the rugged style hipster look says. “You guys were pretty rowdy”

“That’s us…” I say, suddenly starting to feel a little embarrassed; wherever I go with these guys, once alcohol is involved, they’re not the tamest bunch.

“He said you guys were old friends, he was really happy to see you” he says, setting down a glass he just finished cleaning.

“Is that so?” Till vaguely asks, uninterested in the small talk this guy is trying to make.

“If you wanna hang around for a bit, he starts in an hour” the black bearded bartender smiles, ignoring Till’s un-sunny disposition.

“Thanks, we will” I smile back, thanking god in my mind that we’d struck some luck.

“Can I get you guys some drinks in the meantime?” the bartender asks.

“Two beers…” Till requests.

“…and two shots of Tequila, please” I add, receiving a surprised look from Till.

“Coming right up” the bartender smiles.

We’re served our drinks and I’m quick to down my shot; eager to numb a bit of this anxiety. As much as Till was keen for us to drink, he’s still staring at me; surprised that I would ask and then drink Tequila out of my own will. We both know how much I hate it; and then the sad reality that this situation has driven us to drink starts sinking in for the both of us. Not saying that we don’t enjoy drinking; but that we’ve turned to it for relief under the circumstances isn’t really healthy, but I need it…

For the next hour as we wait for Till’s old friend to start his shift, we make our way through a few more beers and a few more shots. Not really making much conversation or enjoying the drinks; just letting the numbness take hold, trying to forget our troubles for a while.

“Look who it is!” says a voice from behind the bar.

Till and I shift our gaze from the bottoms of our glasses to the familiar face of Dorian, finally here to save us from ourselves.

“How’s it going, Dorian?” Till asks, his blank expression unchanging.

“Yeah pretty good ay” he replies; his original excited expression slowly fading to one of concern. “Hey, no offense… but you guys kinda look like shit…”

“Tell me about it…” I say agreeing; the stress of these last few days displayed on both mine and Till’s faces.

“Well what’s up?” Dorian asks, now genuinely concerned; his eyes leaving ours for a brief moment as he looks over the collection of empty glasses piled in front of us, beginning to put them away.

“It’s a long story…” I reply, not really sure if he would want to listen to our personal nightmare.

“I’ve got time” he smiles back, “I’m here till close, and Thursday nights as you can see aren’t that busy.”

“Well I’m gunna need another drink…” Till says, motioning at Dorian.

With Till’s next mouthful of beer, the story begins to unfold. Not the complete version, but Till gives Dorian a decent rundown of what’s been happening. He tells him who Pete is, how he tried to scare him off, how that led to the beginning of everything and then so on and so forth. I tell Dorian about my current shoot I’m doing and how everyday he manages to sneak onto the set and leave a photo of me without anyone noticing.

“I thought that he was just a nutty fan and I thought that he would go away…” I add, trying to express how innocent it all seemed at the start. “But I was wrong…”

“Wow, that’s heavy…” Dorian responds, a little lost for words. “I’m really sorry this is happening to you…”

“Yes… not something we saw coming, that’s for sure…” Till adds, finishing off his beer.

“And you said he leaves you Polaroids?” Dorian asks, slightly amused at the absurdity of it.

“Yeah, weird… I know…” I say, producing the Polaroid I had found today.

“Wow… that’s fucked up” Dorian says, his eyes tracing over the violent text.

“Yeah…” Till replies, his expression still blank.

“This picture came from a rare Polaroid camera…” Dorian says, his eyes still tracing over the photo as he flips it over.

“How do you know that?” I ask, a little bewildered.

“He’s a photographer, remember?” Till asks, his face beginning to display that he’s tired.

“Yeah” Dorian smiles, agreeing with Till. “I collect vintage cameras; I’m a bit of a photography and film fanatic. I even tried my hand at short films once, but here I am… still at the bar…” he starts to drift off into his thoughts but suddenly pulls himself back to reality. “You see how this Polaroid is slightly more of a rectangle than the traditional square shape?”

“Yeah…” I reply, interested to see where he’s taking this.

“Well they only made this measurement of film for a specific camera they released in the 80’s. While I have seen a few of these camera’s floating around in these past few years, they don’t make the film for these anymore, so he must have hoarded it.” he says, handing me back the picture. “I know an old camera shop that sells these vintage models; I could ask if he had sold one to someone and maybe we could track them down?”

“Thanks for the offer, but like I said, we already know who the guy is; we just don’t know where he is” I reply, disappointed.

“And you said the police won’t do anything about him?” he asks, concerned.

“The police say he’s ‘harmless’” I reply, frustrated. “They can’t track him down on a computer so there’s nothing they can do…”

“That’s so messed up…” Dorian says in disbelief.

“Yes… it is…” Till adds, his concerned eyes tracing over my face.

“Well if you catch him, I’d like to get my hands on his camera and add it to my collection!” Dorian jests, trying to lighten the mood; much to Till’s disgust.

Till doesn’t really take the joke.

“Well then!” Dorian continues, trying to escape Till’s protruding bad vibe. “If you guys ever need anything, just ask. I’ll always be here, just gotta come find me” he smiles.

“Thank you Dorian, that’s really kind” I smile back. “Till, I think it’s time we should probably head home; it’s getting late…”

“Yes, I agree” he says, standing up from his stool and then throwing back the remaining beer sitting in my glass.

“Well thanks for stopping by guys, really glad you came to see me; even under shitty circumstances” Dorian says in a genuine tone.

“Thank you for lending an ear, friend” Till says reaching out and shaking Dorian’s hand in thanks. “All of this has been hard with all the guys away in Germany”

“I can imagine. But like I said, I’m here if you need me” Dorian smiles, giving me comfort that we have at least one friend left in New York.

Till and I say our goodbyes before making our way out of bar. He holds me close as we walk out onto the street, us both scanning the area for my stalker; but nothing. Perhaps tonight we have some peace.


	14. Wrath

I press both hands against the warm sun kissed glass, pushing the heavy door open. I make my way out of the studio building after finishing yet another day of modelling and find myself searching the area for Till, but it seems that he’s not here yet…

I let out a sigh as I make my way over to a bench that is sitting against the building and I make myself comfortable; Till mustn’t be far. The sun doesn’t fully set till about 8 o’clock in the summer, but it’s position right now has dipped enough that it’s engulfing this west end of the building. For the moment, I’m enjoying these warm rays. Lately I haven’t really felt safe enough to be outside enjoying myself.

But today is a little different.

This morning, throughout the day, and every single chance I got I looked for an envelope in my dressing room; but never found one.

Once Mel had finished helping me out of today’s costume and took her leave, my paranoia got the better of me and I turned that room and everything in it upside down; searching for that unwanted envelope and its contents, but to my surprise finding nothing. There wasn’t even anything in my bag.

I let myself for a moment indulge in the thought that maybe the police actually did catch up with Pete. Maybe they did finally track him down and lock him away. I can’t imagine him taking a day off from harassing me, I mean, why now? So I can only assume that something happened to him; so hopefully it was the police. But I remind myself of how only two days ago I had made the same assumption before I came across the envelope hidden in my bag.

But like I said, today feels different.

_*Buzz, buzz, buzz*_

I reach into my little black bag and pull out my persistent vibrating phone. I swipe the touch screen to answer, and then listen to beautiful voice of my German man on the other end.

“Hey, it’s Till” he says, his voice sounding a little annoyed. “I’m coming to get you but I’ll still be a while…”

“Oh, okay… Why’s that?” I ask, a little confused.

“There’s a concert or something on tonight at Madison Square Garden and all the taxi’s and town cars are busy at the moment” he replies.

“I see… Well how long is a while then?” I ask, starting to get a little concerned.

“I’ve booked a town car, but with this traffic they can’t give me a definite time of when they’ll get here. Maybe half an hour or could be two hours, I don’t know…” his voice on the other end sounding a little defeated.

“Wow that’s ages…” I reply, my voice now straining just as much as his.

“But I want you to stay there and wait for me. Just go back inside the studio and wait till I can get to you. I don’t want you wandering around by yourself; it’s not safe…” he instructs me.

“Okay, well call me when you’re leaving then…” I say, a little unsure.

“I will, I’ll see you soon.” he says, ending the call; leaving me once again on my own.

I let out another sigh, this time expressing defeat. The last thing I wanna do is hang around here doing nothing for the next 2 hours. Right now I’m starving and I just wanna go home and snuggle up to my man. I unwillingly get myself up to make my way back into the building, but I stop myself in my tracks. The cabs might all be busy right now, but there’s still other public transport.

I roll the idea around in my head for a few moments, thinking whether it’s a good idea or not. I know Till said to wait here for him, but like I said; I haven’t heard anything from Pete today, so there’s a chance that the cops have got him. There’s a subway entrance just at the end of this block, and there’s a stop only two blocks from my house. So I only have to do a little bit of walking by myself and the rest of the time I’ll be on a train full of people. I mean what’s the worst the frumpy little man can do? Hand me an envelope in public and say, ‘you’ve been served’? I don’t think so.

I make the decision to not go back into the studio, but to make my way down the rest of the block to the subway. I think about messaging Till, but he’ll only get angry and tell me to stay put. I’ll be home before he leaves or notices, so I don’t see the big deal. I’ll just tell him Mel dropped me home.

I make my way down the dirty concrete steps, down to the underground subway. It’s been ages since I’ve used the subway so I have to buy myself a ticket as I don’t think I have my metro card. I grab a ticket from one of the vending machines and then make my way through the gates.

I take a seat on one of the cool metal benches across from the tracks and patiently wait for my train to arrive. While I wait, I watch the many strangers come and go before me. I wonder where they’re all going, and makeup up random stories in my mind for the select interesting few that catch my attention. But before long, my train arrives and I’m suddenly boarding.

I step into the stale scented carriage and make my way past standing people and full seats till I find a free spot to stand where I won’t be unnecessarily touching anyone. The doors close and we’re on our way.

The first stop, more people pile on in; filling the cramped space even more. But the next stop, half the passengers get off; and I take the opportunity to grab a seat that has just been made vacant.

I get comfortable as I still have a few more stops before mine; but then someone catches my eye.

A few rows down there is a man; he’s sitting facing the opposite direction, but he seems familiar. He’s sitting on the aisle seat same as me so I take a good look at him. He’s wearing dark grey jeans and a black hoodie. It’s not till my eyes run over the distinct thick red band that wraps around the arm of the hoodie that I realize that this is the man that Till bumped into yesterday.

At first I think, what a coincidence; but then I think, maybe it’s more than a coincidence… What are the odds of me running into the same man two days in a row? I never saw his face yesterday or today for that matter so I really can’t say that it is the same guy. But then my heart skips a beat at the realization… that could be Pete under that hoodie. I honestly have no way of knowing if that is Pete sitting only a few rows down from me, but my heart starts to race.

I look down into my bag and start searching for my phone as the train pulls up to the next stop. More people get off as I take my phone out and start typing in Till’s phone number; but suddenly, I stop myself. I remember that I promised Till I’d wait at the studio for him and tell him that Mel dropped me off once I had gotten home. I don’t want to call him and have him freak out on the small chance that this stranger might possibly be Pete. I unwillingly lower my phone back into my bag; but when I look back up, the man is gone…

A wave of relief washes over me as the carriage doors close again, realizing that the stranger in the hoodie obviously just got off at that stop; it mustn’t have been Pete.

I ride the next few stops until we finally reach mine; but the whole time I keep replaying that mistaken realization in my head. I mean, what are the odds of me seeing that same guy again dressed in the same clothes; I mean I’m assuming it’s the same guy. But then again, I’m so stressed out right now I could be imagining things.

We reach my stop and I’m the only one to get off, stepping into the quiet abandoned station. No one’s around, and then the feeling of unease slowly creeps its way back up.

I quickly make my way up the concrete steps back onto the street. The suns still up, but it’s now set enough that it’s tucked away behind some buildings, only dimly lighting the area. The streets pretty empty too which doesn’t help my current anxiety; I need to get home fast.

I start to make my way down the street, my pace gradually picking up as I go; eager to get home before it gets any darker. As I pass each alley way I hold my breath; unable to dismiss the thought that Pete, or any stranger for that matter, could jump out at any moment and grab me. But it isn’t from beside me walking past an alleyway, but from behind…

In my state of anxiety and stress I didn’t even realize the figure quietly stalking me; and without warning, I feel arms wrap around me from behind.

My heart stops and I go to scream but a hand is smothering my mouth. I want to try and pull it from me but my arms are trapped, his other arm wrapped around my chest, holding them down.

I continue trying to scream out for help but his hand just muffles my efforts. I wildly start to throw myself around in his grasp, trying my hardest to break free. I might be small and by no means strong, but his one armed hold on me is no match for my panicked frenzy. I keep throwing my limited weight around and start kicking him as close to his groin as I can manage until I finally hit where I intended, and break free.

His arms break away from me and he falls to his knees. Before I make a run for it, I quickly take a second to glance around at my attacker. I don’t see his face as he’s crouched over in pain; but my suspicions were correct. It’s the man in the jeans with the red banded black hoodie. It’s Pete.

I don’t waste any more time and I make my escape. I hold my black bag that’s swung over my shoulder tight as I run for my life.

I’m by no means athletic, at all. I don’t even go to the gym as my petite figure is natural, but now I’m regretting all those turned down thoughts of getting fit. Anyone could catch up to me, even an older guy like Pete. I just hope that I’ve immobilized him long enough that I can reach my house before he can reach me.

I reach the second block and I keep running as fast as I can. By now my heart is pounding harder than I’ve ever felt it before. Honest to god right now, I feel like I could be having a heart attack. My chest is aching and my head is pounding and I’ve had to stop myself from nearly tripping over myself a couple of times. I can barely breathe I am that freaked out right now, but I have to keep going.

I finally make my way past the second block and am making my way down the footpath of my street. I don’t even think about turning around to see how close he is until I reach my door.

I’m too out of my mind to even think of searching my bag for my keys and I just start banging on my door, screaming out to Till. I fearfully turn to quickly scope the area as I call out to Till to see how close Pete is behind me, but nothing. He mustn’t of followed me; but I’m still scared out of my mind. Then almost immediately I hear the door unlock and fly open as Till’s panicked eyes run over me and the vacant street as he pulls me inside.

He slams the door behind me as he follows my collapsing body to the floor. He pulls me close to him as he tries to make sense of my panicked and incoherent rambling. He tries his best to calm me down and bring my erratic breathing back to normal. I manage to spit out the words between trembling breaths, telling him of the subway trip home, the man from yesterday, and his attack on me today.

As terrified as am right now, I just keep telling myself, I made it home…


	15. I'm Sorry

The next two hours went by in a rush. Once I managed to tell Till what had just happened he called the police. I cried and cried for the next 40 minutes till they showed up; they blamed it on the traffic, but Till still wasn’t impressed. They took my statement and I retold the story again, but in much more detail. I started with the man Till had bumped into yesterday and then went on to say that it turned out to be Pete, who not even an hour before attacked me in public.

They recorded everything, writing down the important bits as I retold the encounter. They made note of how I don’t remember seeing any witnesses so technically they weren’t going to have an easy time working out where he ended up running off to. They also posed me with a question that seemed ridiculous, but I still can’t shake from my mind.

 They said that because I hadn’t seen the attackers face the day before or today, how can I be sure it was Pete. At the time and even now I think the idea of my stalker being anyone else is ridiculous and I can’t believe they’re not taking me seriously. I mean, before all this shit began and he started wearing a hoodie I saw him and those Polaroids at least a hundred times over. They’ve got to be kidding me if they think it’s someone else with the exact same vintage camera, it doesn’t make sense. It’s such a joke to them.

But at the same time my mind still can’t shake the thought that it could be someone else. I mean I didn’t get a real good look at him today; but thinking back to yesterday I could have sworn he looked taller. But I’m so overwhelmed right now, I’m sure I’m seeing things. Like right now, I’m glued to the spot on my couch in the living room because I’m too scared that when I walk around a corner in my own house that Pete will be there, ready to jump out at me again. I keep imagining shadows. Right now I’m not only a prisoner of my own home, but also of my mind.

Till finishes having a word with the officers before showing them out to the door, locking it behind them. He makes his way back over to me, taking a seat on the Grey Suede couch.

“Lucy… why did you disobey me?” Till quietly asks, “Why did you leave?”

“I didn’t want to wait by myself for so long…” I nervously mutter.

“I told you to stay there and wait for me” he says, frustration presenting itself in his voice.

“But, I…” I stutter.

“I said to stay there because you would be safe” his temper beginning to rise.

“I’m sorry…” I whimper.

“But instead you went off by yourself without telling me” his voice getting louder.

“I didn’t want to stay there in case he came” I protest, trying to defend myself.

“No, you left. And instead you only nearly got yourself kidnapped or worse!” he yells, unable to contain his frustration any longer.

“I thought I was doing the right thing!” I reply in objection.

“Well obviously it wasn’t!” he roars. He gets up and begins to pace the living area back and forth, his fists clenching as his temper worsens.

“I didn’t know that was going to happen!” I yell, beginning to feel the tears well up once again in my eyes.

“This whole situation could have ended up so much worse!” he says, stopping in his tracks to stare at me. “You could have been hurt or raped or murdered because of your stupid lack of judgement!”

As soon as the words leave his mouth I immediately see the regret wash over his face; but it’s too late. The damage is already done and I can’t fight back the tears any more.

“I’m so sorry Lucy, I didn’t mean it…” he says in a remorseful voice; kneeling down in front of me.

He takes my hands and tries to find my gaze through my tears. I can barely focus and I couldn’t pull my hands away even if I tried. All the energy I have left is being spent on these useless tears that are all but running away and disappearing into the material of my clothes.

“Lucy, please forgive me… I …” he pleads.

“No…” I whimper; causing Till’s eyes to fill with shock.

“But… why…?” he questions, his voice full of regret.

“Because what you said is the truth…” I utter, my tears only stopping so that I can focus my energy on my words. “None of this would have happened if I wasn’t so fucking stupid and Naïve. If I had done something right from the start, things wouldn’t have gotten this far. All of this is my fault…”

“Lucy…” he says, in disbelief.

“It’s all my fault, okay!?” I cry out. “All of this is happening because I didn’t do anything when I should have right from the start. It’s just like what happening with Richard all over again… I’m so fucking stupid!! Why am I so fucking stupid!?”

I spit out my words with disgust as I finally vocalize what I couldn’t help but feel for these past few days. And now Till finally knows what’s been on my mind. I break down once again, unable to stop the salty droplets that sting my tired eyes. I block my vision as I hold my face in my hands, supporting my heavy hanging head.

Then I feel Till’s weight shift onto the couch, his strong arms lifting me into his lap. I continue to cry as he wraps his arms around me, holding me close.

“You’re not stupid…” he quietly says, resting his head against mine. “I mean, maybe things could have been different; but this isn’t your fault”

“But you said…” I manage to blubber through my tears.

“I didn’t mean what I said just now… I was just upset that something really awful could have happened to you” he replies. “What if you hadn’t gotten away from him and made your way back here?”

I instantly play over different scenarios in my head that could have happened if I hadn’t of gotten away; and start to fully realize how much worse this could have went.

“What if I never saw you again…?” he says, the words trembling as they leave his mouth.

I don’t even want to think about it…

And I assume Till doesn’t want to either as he tries to change the subject.

“You’re not stupid Lucy. Naïve, maybe… I mean, how does someone so innocent like you, end up falling for an old guy like me…?”

My tears stop and I look up at my German man with my tired eyes, and I can’t help but laugh.

“You’re not old…” I blubber, wiping away the stray tears from my face.

“I am too, I am a grandfather you know” he says, his eyes filling with amusement.

“That doesn’t make you old!” I laugh, thinking how ridiculous it sounds that my lively and active man was calling himself old. It just sounds bizarre; I mean trust me when I say that he is active…

We both laugh for the moment before the serious mood slowly creeps back in.

“I don’t want you ever walking home by yourself again, okay?” he asks, his serious voice returning but his eyes a lot softer now.

“I promise…” I say, having definitely learned my lesson.

“If I can’t get you, you have to wait for a town car” he replies.

“I will” I assure him, and he replies with a sigh.

“I just can’t wait for this whole modelling shoot to be over so you don’t have to find any more letters… This is all just getting to be too much…”

“I know…” I sadly agree.

“When this is over, no more modeling for a while; he can’t find you if you’re not working… okay?” he almost pleads, just wanting to keep me safe and hidden.

“Yeah… I agree…” I quietly reply.

Thinking back to the moment I first met Pete, I never knew how much this odd little man was going to impact my life. He’s not just messing with me now but with Till and my career as well; neither of these important aspects in my life able to function properly anymore. As much as I love my work and I want to continue on with it, I can’t wait for it to be over.

I want this nightmare to be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thing's are starting to get really real, and dangerous. Our favourite couple starting to get pushed to their limits. What lies in store...?


	16. Hold Me Now

Today was the final day of working on the art series, working on the last sin, ‘Greed’. Well, at least it was supposed to be.

Some of the props for our final shoot got caught up in transit, and it’s something that they spent a lot of money on and they needed. They can’t get it all into the studio till tomorrow, so we all agreed that we’d finish up then. We pretty much finished everything today, it’s just one more alternate shoot and then we’re done.

Today was good. I didn’t hear from Pete all day; but I was still terrified. I wanted to think that perhaps maybe the police caught up with him last night; but more than likely he’s just gone into hiding. I had a pretty sleepless night last night, and my tiredness is not helping me with my anxiety; I’m so on edge… I’m scared…

Till actually spent the whole day at the studio with me, because honestly we were both worried. Worried that Pete would turn up and try something again. Luckily because we couldn’t do the last shoot today we got to finish early, so I didn’t feel so bad about Till hanging around for so long; but it was actually kind of fun. It was great him being there and watching me do what I do for a living. Getting dressed up in different outfits and makeup and then posing in whatever little scenario Hinata had cooked up. Till’s quite an artist at heart himself and he really liked what Hinata was doing. Till even went out of his way to say that he appreciated the body of work he was creating, but I think Hinata was still on edge from when Till yelled at him the other day; he always seemed nervous around him.

But today wasn’t without its moments. Every now and then when I was either by myself or in my dressing room, my mind couldn’t help but replay the trauma from yesterday over and over. It’s such a vivid memory. Everytime I think about it, it feels so real. The near paralyzing paranoia as I hurriedly made my way home, right before his entrapping arms wrapped around me, the fear gripped panic that which then ensued. I relived that panic many times over today;  I was just fortunate that Till was there to pull me back into sanity everytime I felt myself tipping over the edge once again.

Till is amazing.

He’s my rock; always there looking out for me and keeping me grounded. He’s always trying to make me laugh and smile; bringing out the best in me. He always knows exactly what to do when I’m upset or something is wrong. He’s my lover, my companion, my best friend… and I’d be lost without him…

But he hasn’t been without grief either. That look of fear he had when he pulled me into the house from the street yesterday hasn’t really left his face. He was super protective at work today, and wherever I’d go he was always close by. Like even if I was headed to the bathroom, he’d make an excuse to head the same way. I hate to admit it, but my big scary German man is scared. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice last night when he said, ‘what if I never saw you again’. That sentence… it just keeps on breaking my heart. What if I actually never saw him again? I actually couldn’t picture a world without Till; he’s my life… But I’m trying not to dwell on it all too much. I just need to focus on right now.

And right now we’ve just finished polishing off a deliciously greasy and cheesy Pepperoni Pizza we picked up on our way home from the set. And now we’re crawled up on the couch watching Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny, trying to lift our spirits and forget about all the bad things for a while. It’s definitely working. I love this movie and before long we’re smiling and laughing without a care in the world. So far tonight’s been good.

“This movie is insane…” Till laughs as we watch Ben Stiller’s character tell KG and JB the legend of the Pick of Destiny.

“Having an enchanted guitar pick that creates amazing music doesn’t sound good to you?” I query, curiously.

“Are you suggesting we need one?” Till asks, pretending to be shocked.

“You guy’s definitely don’t need one, trust me” I smile, “Bet you’re looking forward to seeing them again tomorrow”

“I am…” Till says, sounding surprisingly disappointed. “But I don’t want to leave you…”

“Hey, you already cut this trip down to 3 days from a few weeks, don’t back out now” I reply, not wanting him to cancel his trip.

Till and the boys have some band related things to take care of back home in Germany. They have a few important interviews and also were gunna get together and start discussing a new album. But more importantly Till was going to go home and see his family, and I don’t want him to miss out on that.

“The interviews aren’t important, the new album can wait, and my family will understand. I just want to make sure you’re safe. I hate the thought of leaving you here all alone with everything that has happened” he says, taking my hands. “You should come with me”

“It’s a nice idea…” I smile, thinking it over in my head. “…but you know I can’t Till. I have to finish shooting the rest of the project tomorrow, and it definitely wouldn’t be possible without me. Even with everything that’s going on, this is important to me and I don’t want to quit now”

“I know…” he replies, circling his thumbs over my skin. “I’m just really going to miss you and I want you to be safe. I mean… I could never forgive myself if something happened to you while I was gone…”

“I will be safe, just like we talked about. I’ll finish the shoot tomorrow, come home and lock myself up in here for a few days; I’ll be fine” I say, trying to reassure him. “But, I’ll miss you too…” 

I take one of my hands from his grasp and lift it up to his face, gently tracing his cheek and jaw as my eyes run over the rest of his features; committing it all to memory. I could never forget this beautiful face and I can’t wait for him to come back to me after his trip. No more shoots or work for a while, just us.

In my moment of thought, I hadn’t noticed Till’s hand rise to meet my face as well, until his fingertips started to caress my cheek. His warm touch capturing my attention, right before it shifts to pull me in closer; closer into a kiss…

As his face meets mine and our mouths come together, I taste the sweetness on his lips. We continue to kiss till our tongues are intertwined; it’s been a while since we’ve been intimate, and I’ve missed this.

Through all the stress and drama that had unfolded this week, I didn’t realize how much I had been longing for this until now. My other hand reaches up to meet Till’s face the same as the other, and I pull him in closer as I feel my desire grow. Till takes the hint and before I know it he scoops me up off the couch. My legs wrap around his waist as he makes his way toward the bedroom; my hands still holding his face as we continue our wanting kiss.

Till gently lays me down on the bed and makes his way on top of me. We continue our kiss as his hands wander down to try and undress me; but I stop him. I push him away to my side and he takes the hint and lies on his back. We’ve swapped positions as I’m now the one on top, leaning down to kiss him as my hand wanders down his chest. I savor his sweet kiss as my hand finally reaches his burning region, and I find the rest of my body shuffling back to meet it.

As I begin to pull down his grey sweat pants I look up to meet his hungry eyes, longing for me; I proceed to pull them right off, taking his briefs with them. I toss them both off the side of the bed as I crawl my way back up to his tall standing member, patiently waiting for my grip. I gently wrap my hand around his base as I slowly bring my mouth up to meet with the tip. I don’t let my lips touch it yet, but instead lightly blow air on it instead, watching him twitch at the light sensation. I look for a greater reaction so I run the length of my tongue across the tip before blowing on it again; he tenses and twitches in my hand and I feel satisfied that I’ve teased him enough.

I lightly begin to run my tongue around the head of his burning phallice, resulting in a few more subtle twitches as I hit all the right spots. I begin to ever so slightly move my mouth up and down as I continue to run my tongue along his shaft. It isn’t long before I can tell he can’t take it anymore as he tenses in my hand, and I begin to take him in even more.

I start off slow; taking as much of him in my mouth as I can as I slowly bob my head up and down. I decide to add to the sensation and run my tongue along the length of his dick as my mouth continues to move. A small moan escapes his lips as his legs tense around me, obviously enjoying the sensation. I begin to stroke him with my hand as I lift my head away, eager to see the expression on his face. His head is tilted back with his eyes closed and his mouth agape and twitching with every touch I make of all the right spots; I can assume I’m doing a good job.

I don’t want to make him wait anymore and I move my hand back to his base as I take him in my mouth once again. I start slow like before, but I don’t waste time in picking up speed. I begin to work my mouth around him getting faster and faster till I hear those familiar pleasurable moans. I stroke him with my tongue again as I continue to move my head, building up his orgasm. I start working my hand that’s sitting at the base of his shaft as well to be in time with my mouth, making him moan in approval. I feel his legs tense around me again, but instead of another moan I feel him lean forward and reach for my face; ushering me to stop. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand as I lift my face to reach his gaze.

“You’re going to make me cum…” Till says to me, breathlessly.

“That’s the idea” I smile at him as I crawl my way back up to meet his lips.

“You’re so good at that…” Till says before he pulls me in for another passionate kiss; tasting what’s left of his essence on my mouth.

I pull away for a moment as I sit up against him, taking my baggy band tee off and tossing it aside with Till’s pants. I watch Till’s eyes trace over my bare skin as I reach behind to unclip my lacey black bra; slowly letting it fall down my arms till it too joins the growing pile of clothes. I feel myself blush as Till’s eyes focus in on my naked breasts, so I lean down to kiss him again; escaping his lustful gaze.

Our tongues intertwine once again as we return to our passionate kiss from before. Till’s hands reach up without hesitation and begin to gently caress my ample breasts, making me quiver as his fingertips brush over my nipples. As we continue making out, his hands squeeze and massages my breasts much to my satisfaction until he’s suddenly rolling my nipples around with his thumbs, causing a moan to escape from my lips. And with that he almost instantly has me on my back; back to our original position with Till on top of me.

He leaves one last sweet kiss on my lips before moving his mouth down to meet with my breast. His tongue doesn’t hesitate and quickly has me clutching the sheets as it traces around my nipple, then flicking it back and forth with his hand mirroring the same actions on my other breast. He swaps positions with his hand, treating the opposite breast to the caress of his wicked tongue; the firm and wet sensation filling me with pleasure. His tongue is quite talented and I’d let him play with my breasts all day; but I can feel the heat growing in my panties, longing for his tongue to caress me down there.

I know just how to make him move and with a good moan escaping my lips; it doesn’t take Till long to move his way down to my lower half. He pulls off my black leggings taking my lacey black panties with them; sparing them from being torn apart this time.  He tosses them to the pile of clothes on the floor and I spread my legs apart; eagerly waiting his touch, in whatever form he so pleases.

He pays me back for teasing him before and starts with blowing air onto my burning lips; the air feeling cool against my wet pussy, making me quiver at the sensation. He does this for a little longer, teasing me, before he starts to barely brush his tongue against my lips; torturing me further as I long for release.

He eventually gives in to my burning need and has me gripping the sheets with one firm lick of his tongue. He continues to slowly run his tongue along my aching lips, still leaving me needing more. He senses my frustration and impatience in the way I try to press myself closer against him and my wanting moans. He finally gives me what I want as his mouth moves away and is replaced by a finger; slowly slipping into my wet pussy with ease, my walls gripping him in approval. He begins to move it in and out, ever so slowly, still not fully pleasing me; obviously trying to tease me as much as possible.

I let out another moan, obviously being what he wants to hear, to which he slips in another finger, slowly picking up his pace. It isn’t long before my continued moans push him to meet his tongue with my clit and I finally feel my orgasm starting to build. As much as I wanted him to get into it straight away, the teasing and slow build seems to be the makings for a great orgasm.

His tongue slowly starts to trace circles around my clit, gently pushing it back and forth, apply pressure where he knows where my sweet spots are. His fingers start picking up their pace, and I clench myself around them as they reach further, pressing against my g-spot and making me squirm. His tongue starts to match the pace of his fingers, getting quicker and quicker in motion; flicking back and forth against my throbbing clit as his fingers practically start to fuck my dripping wet cunt.

I can feel my orgasm getting really close now as I can no longer help the moans escape from my lips. I know that Till can tell as his tongue starts to flick harder against my delicate clit and his fingers fuck me with more intent. I grip the sheets as hard as I can as my back begins to arch all on its own; contorting at the impending climax that is about to overtake me. It only takes a few more seconds before Till has me in complete bliss. I let out the most satisfying moan as Till’s tongue sends me into an intense orgasm, making me shiver uncontrollably at his touch.

That was amazing…

As I lie quivering, trying to catch my breath; I feel Till creep up my body. He spreads my legs a little more before lowering himself to me; his now aching shaft impatiently caressing my cunt. He doesn’t wait too long before gently guiding his dick into me; filling my wet pussy entirely. He slowly begins to move in and out. His big hard dick feels so good inside of me.

He starts to pick up his pace, but not too fast. I sense that he’s trying to savor the moment as he leans down on top of me. I take his face in my hands and we begin to kiss. The combination of him penetrating me and his hungry kiss is just bliss. His tongue swirls around mine as his thrust picks up pace, gradually getting deeper and more forceful.

He breaks away from our lip lock only to lift himself up and try and get a better angle to get a bit deeper. His thrusts continue for a while, filling me with pleasure as I tighten my walls around his cock; savoring every sensation his thick phallice makes as it penetrates me. I moan with pleasure at his satisfying movements, but I can tell he feels it’s still not enough.

He reaches his arm back to scoop up one of my bent legs, pulling it up over his shoulder; making clear display of my flexibility. The open scissor position giving him more room to go deeper; and he does. He starts off slow again, not completely filling me, letting me adjust to the new position. He gradually picks up pace again as well as the depth of his strokes until he has me moaning once more.

I love the feeling of his dick filling me so deep, but then Till begins to moan. I can tell that his orgasm is starting to build, but I’m not quite there yet. As he continues to pound me, I skillfully pull my other leg from underneath him till it’s over his other shoulder; now he can really get in deep. He readjusts his position as well, crouching over me more, getting more control. My knees are up near my face and my feet dangle in the air, and I have no option of escape as his body holds me down.

His eyes stare me down hungrily as he slowly penetrates me once again, completely filling my pussy, going as deep as he possibly can. My hands grip the backs of his thighs as I let out a satisfying moan, finally feeling the full measure of his dick. He impatiently begins to thrust into me again, my moans escaping my lips endlessly as his pulsing phallice pushes right against my g-spot; over and over again. The sensation of his shaft penetrating me, alongside it rubbing against my g-spot and his groin smacking against my clit, I start to feel my climax finally building again too.

My grip on his thighs grows tighter with every thrust he makes, his force and size over throwing my senses into a state of stupor. He fucks me relentlessly and I can’t stop my nails from practically digging into his skin as the sensation takes me higher into a feeling of ecstasy, my orgasm closely nearing. I hear him begin to moan, obviously close to his as well, but he surprises me as he pulls me from the dominating position into a more intimate one.

He basically sits back, pulling me with him to now sit on his lap; my legs kneeling against his waist. He pulls me against him close so that my breasts touch his chest, and he steals a passionate kiss as I eagerly lower myself onto him. I moan as I impale myself on his pulsing dick, slowly beginning to move myself up and down. My breasts brush against his chest with each motion and it stimulates my nipples, making them go hard again at the rubbing sensation. I impatiently begin to bob up and down, eager to reach my climax once again.

We continue our hungry kiss as I ride him to my pleasure, until I feel myself nearing my orgasm. I pull away from Till’s hungry mouth and reach back to grip onto his feet as I lean myself back. My clit is now rubbing against him at the perfect angle, helping add to my building pleasure, as well as my breasts bouncing up and down; giving Till the most perfect view.

I throw my head back and tighten my grip on him as I ride him with everything I’ve got. Till’s arms stay wrapped around me as he supports my back, but he leans forward so that his face now meets with my breasts; his tongue eagerly taking my nipple into his mouth. I let out a satisfying moan as I take in all the sensations, but I’m interrupted by the sound of Till letting out a moan of his own. He continues to suck and flick my nipples with his tongue, moaning at the obvious build of his climax. My pussy aches at the feeling his animalistic growls give me; turning me on even more. I bounce up and down even harder, clenching my walls around his member once again, making my pussy feel as tight as possible. He practically growls at the sensation and gives my breast a playful nip as his fingers now start to grip into me.

His hands grip me so tight as he pulls his face from my breast and me close to him again. He pulls my body down deeper with each thrust I make, nearing ever so close to his climax. I feel myself nearly reaching my own at the sensation of my now wet nipples briskly rubbing up and down against his hot skin. I clench onto his dick as hard as I can as I slam my aching cunt down on him, over and over, right on the edge of both of our climaxes now. We almost in unison let out one final passionate moan as the impending sensation washes over us; overtaking our senses completely. My eyes rolling back in my head as my orgasm completely overthrows me  whilst Till forcefully bobs me up and down on his member, his animalistic growl filling the room as he rides out his intense climax, over filling me with his hot cum. He holds me against himself so tight as we both try to slow our heavy breathing; his seed slowly trickling out of me.

I find the strength in my worn out and tensed up legs to lift myself off his member and fall back against the bed; letting out a sigh of satisfaction. Till follows and lays down on the bed right next to me, pulling me close enough that he can wrap an arm around me but still see my face. We both lie there for a while Till our breathing is finally back to normal and I can finally stretch my legs out properly without them feeling like they might cramp up.

I look over to meet his gaze that I can feel is burning into me, and he has the most amazing smile on his face. A smile that I can only compare to the first time we ever had sex. The smile he made the first time he told me I was beautiful.

“What…?” I ask, a little embarrassed by his patient stare.

“You look so beautiful…” he replies, almost like he was reading the memories in my mind.

I feel myself blush and I can’t help myself as a big cheesy smile spreads across my face.

“Especially when you smile” he adds, reaching his hand around from my waist to now caress my cheek. “I’ve enjoyed tonight so much, Lucy. I haven’t seen you smile this much since before the boys left… and I miss that… I promise I’ll try to make you smile every chance I get”

“That’s sweet of you” I smile, touched by his gesture.

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow morning… I’ll be gone by the time you wake up…” he says, sadness beginning to become apparent on his face.

“It’s only for a couple of days and then I’ll be back in your arms again.” I reply, trying to reassure him. “Just hold me now…”


	17. Greed

_*Stomach growls*_

_Oh my god I need something to eat,_ I think to myself as we drive past random restaurants and fast food outlets on our way home. Right now I’m sitting in a town car that Till organized to drive me home from today’s final shoot. In fact, it’s the same driver who picked me up this morning to drive me to said shoot. Till paid him to wait in the car for me until I was done and even walked me to and from the studio building today; I guess he wanted to be one hundred percent sure that I’d be safe. I can guarantee you that he’ll walk me to my front door and wait till I’m safe inside once we reach my place; and to be honest, I’m really happy Till organized this.

But back to the matter at hand, the shoot is over now; I can eat whatever I want. Generally when I have a shoot coming up or am working on a project I tend to keep my diet on the more healthier side, not filling up on unnecessary junk so as to not get bloated. So it’s kind of a personal tradition to break lose and eat whatever I damn well please the moment it’s over. Apart from the pizza last night, that doesn’t count; I think we can agree that Till and I both deserved some comfort food after what happened the day before.

But if I’m being honest, eating healthy isn’t what’s got me hungry; it’s the fact that I haven’t been eating, at all. Not that I’ve been doing it on purpose, I would never starve myself; that’s just wrong and damaging to your body. But I have just been so stressed and anxiety stricken that I haven’t even had space in my head for even the word ‘food’ to cross my mind, let alone thinking about eating anything. Pretty much if Till didn’t make me anything and make sure I ate it, I went without. I’m sure I’ve experienced a fair share of hunger pangs this week, but if I wasn’t being rendered senseless by the numb feeling that anxiety provides, I probably couldn’t tell it apart from the stress and anxiety pains that I’ve been getting; it’s been a really bad week…

But The Seven Deadly Sins shoot is over now, and as sad as it is to say goodbye to everyone and not be going back anymore, I feel a sense of relief. As soon as I said my goodbyes and walked out of that building, my stress and anxiety levels went down considerably. That being because I know that I won’t ever have to worry about finding any more of those evil little envelopes. But aside from the whole stalking debacle, I really am going to miss it all…

I’m going to miss the awesome costumes and the whole vibe of working on set; but most of all, the people. They became a close little family to me over this week and I’m sad to see it end. There were many moments of joking about and having a good time; everyone really did get along, and we truly enjoyed working with each other to produce such an amazing body of art. It was definitely a bittersweet goodbye after we finished up today, I’ll miss them all.

But I’m also happy that I’m leaving that particular studio. I’ve worked up quite a resentment with my dressing room, where I found each of those nasty envelopes every day. I am a little surprised that Pete still hasn’t contacted or followed me since two days ago. I’m almost starting to think that it might be possible that the police actually may have caught up with him. I mean today was the last day on set. His last chance to leave an envelope or to follow me home to find out where I live; but I’ve neither seen nor heard from him since Friday.

I’m a lot more relieved about that and feel almost as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I shouldn’t encounter him anymore as firstly, I one hundred percent won’t be returning to that studio. Secondly, he doesn’t know where I live as he never followed me to my block the other night when he attacked me. And thirdly, I have no plans to leave the house till Till gets back home. Till left me with a fully stocked fridge and I have my Netflix, and I am definitely keen for some relaxation and a full schedule of doing absolutely nothing for a few days.

 

As we finally pull up to the front of my place, the kind old man with the impressive Imperial Moustache who drove me around today walks me to my front door, just like I had bet. But it really was nice for this complete stranger to have looked after me today and made sure I was safe. It really was thoughtful of Till to arrange this. I take a look at the time on my phone and it’s just after 3. I think that he must have landed in Berlin by now, his flight takes about eight hours, but he left at some god forsaken time this morning while I slept.

I thank the kind driver for taking care of me today and I say goodbye as I close the door behind me, locking it for good measure; you know, just in case. But before I can make a step further, my phone vibrates in my hand. I see a message from Till, confirming my prediction.

_Hey I’ve landed safely in Berlin. Paul’s already picked me up from the airport and we’re headed to his. Text me that you’re okay. Miss you xx_

I smile at the confirmation that his landed there safe and begin to type my reply.

_Glad that you’ve arrived safe! I’m fine, I just got back home. Bout to make myself some late lunch, I’ll call you later. Say hi to Paul for me!_

I begin to make my way towards my bedroom, eager to kick my shoes off and change into some comfy pants; ready for some serious lounging around. But as I make my way past the kitchen that’s on the way to my room, something catches my eye. I take a few steps back till the dining table is in view and what caught my eye is in vision. I make my way over to the kitchen table to get a proper look at the giant bouquet of beautiful red roses that are propped up in my antique crystal vase. I stand there in awe for a moment and then Till’s words from last night run through my head. He said he was gunna make me smile every chance he got; guess he’s trying to get a head start.

I take out my phone from my pocket again and take a picture and send it to Till.

_Thank you, baby. Already trying to make me smile? It’s working._

I lean over close to the roses and take in a deep breath, savoring their delicate sweet scent. Nothing could wipe away the big smile that has spread across my face right now, I’m so lucky to have Till.

Suddenly my phone vibrates again. I thought it’d be another message from Till, but instead he’s calling me. I swipe the screen to unlock it and then raise it to my ear.

“Thank you so much Till, they’re absolutely beautiful. That was so thoughtful of you, they really made my day” I coo, so happy in my little moment of bliss.

“Lucy, what are you talking about?” he asks, suddenly confusing me.

“What do you mean what am I talking about? You left me roses… they’re here on the dining table in my crystal vase…” I reply, a little thrown off.

“Lucy, I didn’t leave you roses…” he answers, confusing me even more.

I make my way towards my bedroom again, a little stumped at what’s happening right now.

“Well they must be from Hinata and the crew for working with them this week” I reply, suddenly realizing that it has to be from them.

“But Lucy, didn’t you say they were in the house…” he says, his voice starting to sound panicked.

I step through the doorway of my bedroom just as he finishes his words, and I suddenly realize exactly who they’re from. I fall silent and my eyes grow wide as I make my way over to my bed and gaze down at the sight before me.  

The entire bed is covered with Polaroid’s…

I start to panic as my eyes run over many, many photographs that a strewn across my bed. My heart stops as I focus onto what each of the images contain. They’re all from last night… they’re all of me… and Till…

They’re of us… having sex…

“Lucy…!? LUCY!!!” I hear Till yell from my phone that is my hand, now hanging by my side.

Fear grips me as I quickly raise my phone to my ear.

“I’m here…” I reply, nervously.

“What’s wrong?!” he asks, impatiently; having no clue of what’s happening.

“The bed… it’s covered… there are pictures everywhere… he saw us having sex…” I spit out, frantically.

I pick up a Polaroid from the bed to get a better look at it, the image making me feel physically ill. I guess we never did end up closing that curtain…

_*bang*_

And then suddenly, I hear a noise echo from somewhere in the house. I shriek at the unexpected sound; a sound that should not have been made.

“Lucy, what’s happening!?” Till yells, panicked.

“There was a noise…” I barely mutter, struck with fear. “Either a door, or something knocked over, I don’t know… I think he’s in the house…”

I start to ramble panicked and uncontrollably, begging Till to save me, asking him what to do.

“Lucy, listen to me” he demands, speaking with intent. “You need to get out of the house. Don’t take anything with you, just grab something that you can hit him with if he attacks you”

I frantically scan the room for an object that I can use, completely freaking out about the situation I’m currently in. There’s nothing really in my room that I could use; but then the slim glass vase that holds a bouquet of faux white roses that sits on my makeup desk catches my eye. I quickly dash towards it and grab the vase, tossing the roses to the floor.

“Have you got something?” Till asks, impatiently.

“Yes…” I reply, still stricken with fear.

“Okay… You need to keep quiet and head straight for the door. And if you see him and he comes at you, hit him with whatever you’ve got. Okay?” he orders, trying not to sound panicked.

“Okay…” I agree, slowly making my way towards the bedroom door. “I’m leaving my room now; please stay on the phone with me…”

“I will, just don’t talk anymore till you’re safe out of the house” he says; I can also hear Paul’s worried mumbling on the other end.

I keep the phone to my ear and hold the glass vase close, fearfully peeking my head outside my bedroom door to make sure that the coast is clear. I’m completely struck by fear right now and my heart is pounding out of my chest. It’s taking me everything I’ve got not to succumb to one of my awful panic attacks; I can’t afford to let that happen, I wouldn’t be able to move if I did.

It takes all my strength and courage to finally take that step out of my bedroom door. I’m on the verge of tears and am trying to stop myself from hyperventilating; I can’t afford to make any noise right now, I can’t let him find me. I make a few more steps across the polished timber wood floors, trying to walk ever so lightly as to not make any boards creak as they sometimes like to do.

I turn the corner to walk down the hallway, still no sight of Pete, but I know I definitely heard someone before. I carry on my cautious journey down the hall; I only need to walk past the kitchen and into the lounge room where the front door is and I’m free. But as I make it to the kitchen, something catches my eye.

I stop in my tracks and my heart skips a beat as I frantically turn my head towards the silhouette in the corner of my eye. On the other side of the kitchen by the dining room table, standing right next to the big bouquet of blood red roses. It’s the same man from the other night, the same man who attacked me in the street. The same man who’s wearing that same exact black hoodie with the red band around the arm; it’s Pete.

My heart stops and I freeze up, staring at the hooded villain. I can’t see his face as its covered mostly by his hood and I think he must have a black balaclava on as well; but I know it’s him. Sitting on the table right next to my crystal vase is that cursed vintage Polaroid camera; the exact same one he always carries around. But suddenly he begins to step forward, saying nothing. I gasp into the phone that’s still attached to my ear as that’s all my body will allow.

“Lucy what’s happening? Are you outside yet?” Till asks, panicked.

Pete hears the faint voice on the other end and quickens his pace through the kitchen. I scream in panic and muster up all my strength to throw the vase in my hand at the hooded man. I’m most definitely not a good shot, and miss him completely; but instead hit the wall right next to where he just reached, causing the vase to smash and glass to fly everywhere.

Whether or not some glass flew at his face, I don’t know, but apparently it was enough of a distraction to spare me a few seconds to bolt through the lounge room and towards the door.

“Lucy! Are you okay!?” Till yells, panicked.

“He’s coming!” I yell into the phone; frantically trying to unlock the door.

I finally manage to unlock the door, pulling it open and making my way out, and just in time too. As I pull it shut behind me I see him bolting straight for the door. I frantically run to the other side of the street terrified, waiting for his arms to wrap around me again the same as the other night; trapping me once again.

But I don’t feel his arms.

I reach the other side of the street and hide behind a tree that’s planted in the side walk and look back towards my house.

He’s not following me.

“LUCY!” Till yells; my phone no longer at my ear again.

“I’m here, I’m here!” I reply back, panicked; completely out of breath.

“What’s happening!? Are you safe!?” Till asks, frantically.

“I am. I’m outside… He didn’t follow me… He’s still inside…Why isn’t he coming outside…?” I babble, utterly confused as my head spins.

“I need you to call the police Lucy, do you understand me?” Till commands, his tone becoming very serious.

“Yes…” I whimper back.

“You need to tell them what’s just happened and that he’s still inside the house” he says, “I’m taking the next flight back to New York”


	18. Forty Minutes

It took forty minutes.

It took the police forty minutes to get to my house, and there’s a precinct not even fifteen minutes from my house.

I called 911 completely out of my mind and it took the poor lady on the other end a little while to calm me down enough to understand what I was trying to say. But, she was amazing and helped me talk through it and keep me calm saying that there’d be a couple officers there soon. But it wasn’t soon. It was forty minutes of me staring at the front door of my house absolutely losing my mind as I sat on the sidewalk; thinking that at any moment he was going to run out of the house with a knife, or a gun, and attack me.

When the officers finally arrived I said goodbye to the patient lady on the other end of the phone and thanked her for staying with me, keeping me from breaking down into a panic attack. The two officers that arrived where less than accommodating and didn’t even apologize or explain their delay.

I told them that there was a man in the house, my stalker, and that he had left flowers in my kitchen and photographs strewn everywhere on my bed. One officer got his gun out and went inside to search the house, while the other stayed with me outside and took a proper statement.

I gave him a quick recap about my history with Pete and how this week he had turned into a full blown stalker, and that I had been to the police department almost every day this week giving a statement on the things he was doing. I even gave him a detailed recount of Friday night when he attacked me saying that he was wearing the same clothes today that he was wearing the other day.

I told him how today I got home and found the roses on my kitchen table and at first thought they were from Till, but then realized when I found the photo’s in my room that it really was from Pete. I then explained the content of the photos and how Pete was obviously spying on us last night. Photos of us cuddled up watching the movie, eating pizza; and worst of all, having sex. He had documented the entire night with the photographs that he took, and then left them all for me to find in some kind of sick display of… I don’t know what…

I then told the officer how I heard a noise in the house whilst I was in my bedroom, so I grabbed a vase to protect myself while I tried to escape. That I nearly made it out of the house before I encountered Pete and threw the vase at him, ensuring my escape. And that that brings us to now.

The officer writes it all down and doesn’t ask too much more about it. He asks if Pete made any threats of if I was physically harmed, to which I reply no, but he doesn’t seem too concerned enough to ask about my emotional or mental wellbeing.

The second officer finally makes his way outside again, but to my surprise is alone.

“Where is he?” I ask, completely confused.

“Sorry, but I didn’t find anyone in there” the second officer replies.

“But I was out here this entire time watching the front door, I didn’t see him leave” I argue.

“He very well could have escaped out a window” the officer replies, “But I’m sorry lady, there are no signs whatsoever of a break in”.

“What do you mean no signs of a break in?” I practically yell, beginning to become extremely aggravated. “Didn’t you see the flowers? The pictures? There were so many of them!”

“Sorry, no flowers or pictures” he says in a condescending tone.

I can’t believe what is coming out of his mouth as I know damn well they’re in there. In a moment of complete anger I push aside the thought of fear and push past them both, storming into my house to show them the evidence.

I march my way into the kitchen, heading straight for the dining table; but find myself even more confused.

“The roses were right here…” I say, pointing towards the now empty table. “They were right here… in my vase…”

“Sorry ma’am, but I don’t see any vase or roses” the first officer remarks, making me feel like an idiot.

“He must have taken them…” I mumble, trying to figure out why they’re now missing. “But what about all this glass…” I say, motioning at the now clean floor. The glass is all gone too…

“Sorry ma’am, but I can’t see any glass either” the officer adds.

I can feel the blood boiling in my veins as I frantically search the room for evidence that Pete was here, but find none. I push past them both again as I storm my way into the bedroom. As I make my way through my bedroom door and walk up to my bed, my heart sinks at the sight of the empty space. No photos, no nothing. I can’t believe this is happening right now.

“Ah!” the second officer pipes up, making his way through the door. “These the roses you were talking about ma’am?”

I make my way over to where he’s pointing and see my faux white roses propped up where they originally where on my makeup desk; only this time in my crystal vase.

“No, these aren’t the roses I was talking about!” I argue, “The ones I was talking about were red and they were in the kitchen. But this is the vase they were in”

“So this vase was in the kitchen before, and these roses were red instead of white?” the officer asks, not understanding what I’m trying to say.

“No they’re not the same roses! These roses were always in here. The vase they were in was the vase that I smashed in the kitchen. He just used the vase that the red roses were in to put these roses in when he took the red ones when he left, to make it look like he wasn’t here!” I cry, becoming completely worked up.

“So he took the red roses and all the pictures that aren’t in here and cleaned up all the glass before leaving, and didn’t chase after you out of the house even though he was right behind you?” the first officer asks, them both looking at me like I’m crazy.

“Yes!” I cry, “But neither of you are believing me! Why aren’t you taking me seriously!? He could have hurt me!”

“Ma’am, calm down, we are taking this seriously” the second officer says trying to settle me down.

“No you’re not!” I yell, completely disgusted with how they’re treating me right now, like I’m some kind of crazy person who made all this up.

“Ma’am, we’ve taken your statement and we’ve searched the house and found nothing, there’s nothing more we can do” the officer continues.

“Well you might have found something if you didn’t take so long in getting here! There were photo’s everywhere!” I say, starting to feel tears well up in my eyes from anger.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but there’s no photos, no evidence” the first officer adds.

I feel the Polaroid that I had picked up earlier in my pocket and consider giving it to them as proof. But right now I feel like with their ‘lack of evidence’ and complete lack of interest in believing me, I’d much rather not have them look at the intimate and exposing photo. They’re not taking any of this seriously and will probably say that Till or I could have taken it ourselves.

“If that’s all ma’am, we’ll be taking our leave now” he continues as they both start to make their way towards my bedroom door.

“Wait, you’re not staying?” I ask, confused. “You’re leaving me here alone?”

“I’m sorry but no one has made a threat against you and there’s no physical evidence of a break in, we’ll need to be going now” he adds, them both continuing their way out.

“You can’t be serious right now…” I say in utter disbelief. “There might not be any ‘physical evidence’, but I’m telling the truth. There was a man in my house and he tried to attack me!”

They’ve already made their way to my front door and are fixing their caps back on their heads ready to leave, obviously not too fazed about what it is I’m saying.

“If you’re scared about being here by yourself, lock the doors” the first officer says.

“And if the man happens to turn up again, just call 911” the second officer adds.

I stand there in shock and disbelief as they open the door and let themselves out; closing it behind them and leaving me all on my own once again. I can’t believe what has just happened. Their entire visit just now was an absolute joke. I mean they have my statement and it will be documented, but they treated me like a fool. I guess they just saw me as some stupid little girl trying to make up some story for attention seeing as they couldn’t find any hard evidence to back up my story. I know what happened and I was definitely telling the truth and I am disgusted with how I was just treated. I mean, what if he comes back…

At the realization of it, I suddenly realize that if he did make his escape out one of the windows, he can easily come back in through one. I lock the front door that the officers just left out of and then make my way to the kitchen. I grab the biggest knife from the knife block and quickly begin to make my way through each room of the house; checking every lock on every window and point of entry that I could find. Making a final trip to my bedroom and closing that god forsaken curtain once and for all.

I feel as though once Till gets back I want to make use of one of his flame throwers and torch the curtain and just board up the damn window; leaving no chance of any peeping Tom to ever be able to peek through unwanted ever again.

I make my way back out into the lounge room again, feeling the need to double check the lock on the front door. I rattle the handle a good amount for good measure, making sure that it’s properly locked. I peek through the closed curtains and out into the street; searching the vacant area for any signs of Pete, but see nothing. I close the curtain and as I do the feeling of anger subsides into that feeling of fear again as it fully sinks in that I’m all alone; no one to protect me. I mean if Pete really wanted to break in again, a locked window isn’t going to stop him; he could easily just smash it open…

I back myself into the corner of the lounge room and slide my way down the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest and holding the knife close to me. I frantically switch my eyes between each possible entry point in my vision, just waiting for Pete to make his way back in again. I might have a knife with me this time, but who says that I’ll be lucky enough to escape again.

My head aches as my eyes constantly flick around my room and my breathing becomes panicked again. I’m starting to feel another panic attack coming on and I realize, I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t be here on my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I know that it’s a week overdue. Life just got busy, as it does and I didn’t have much time for writing. But I did make sure to make the chapters as long as possible and you gotta admit, it’s starting to get real exciting.  
> Hope the intimate chapter 16 made up for the long wait! ;) And hope you’re all enjoying the story so far. Nothing but thrills and excitement from here on out!
> 
> EDIT-   
> This morning I spent a good few hours getting into and editing my previous story, My Little Doll. Not changing anything, just correcting some spacing issues so that it's a lot better to read, like how i write my stories now.   
> I've received a few comments from readers saying that they had gone back and re read my first story, so I thought I might show them a courtesy and tidy it up. And thank god I did, because the first 6 chapters were quite a mess, past tense and present tense kind of clashed quite a lot in those chapters... But everything should make more sense now!  
> It's crazy to see how my writing has improved from those first few chapters to now.


	19. Knock, Knock

_*Knock, knock, knock*_

I jump in my spot, frightened and caught off guard by the sudden knocking at my door.

_“Hey, Lucy…”_

The muffled voice from behind the door speaks as they knock again.

_“It’s me, let me in…”_

I slowly get up from my spot on the floor in the corner of the room and cautiously begin to make my way towards the front door, holding the large kitchen knife close to me.

_*Knock, knock, knock*_

_“Lucy, are you there?”_ the voice asks again.

I cautiously raise my free hand to the door knob and begin to unlock it, holding my breath as I do. I slowly turn the knob and open the door to see Richard patiently waiting on the other side.

“Woah, what the fuck?!” he spits, backing up. “Why the fuck do you have a knife?!” he worriedly points down at the large kitchen knife in my hand.

I quickly hide the knife behind my back and realize that it probably wasn’t the best thing to greet him with at the door. I give him an apologetic look and motion him inside with my free hand. He hesitantly makes his way inside, keeping a safe distance from me, with good reason, and I close the door behind him. I lock the door again, shaking and turning the knob again for good measure whilst Richard watches me worried.

“Lucy, what the fuck is going on…?” he yells, starting to get aggravated. “First you call me all panicked and going crazy begging me to drive out here, and then you open the door to me holding a fucking knife! What the hell is going on?!”

I know that Richard has every right to be upset because I’ve told him practically nothing. I asked him to come here and see me on a whim because I needed to be with someone, anyone! And he was the only one left that I could call. But I can’t help but break down right now at his panicked words; the built up emotion of everything that has happened in these last few hours suddenly too much for me to suppress and contain.

The aggravated and panicked expression slips from his face as he watches the tears fall from my eyes. He slowly makes his way over to me and cautiously takes the knife from my hands, setting it down on the coffee table near the couch. He then comes back over and takes me in his arms, doing the only thing he can. He just holds me as I practically break down in a blubbering mess, no longer able to hold myself together anymore. He coo’s and soothes, telling me that everything’s okay; even though he has no idea of the utter nightmare I have been living this week.

After a while he leads me over to the couch and sits us both down. I try to get a hold of myself, thinking I must look like a complete mess right now. I manage to stop my rolling tears and wipe what remains from my eyes and cheeks with the back of my hands. My heart is still pounding a million miles an hour, but at least I’ve got my breathing under control again.

“Are you okay…?” Richard softly asks, concern in his voice and written all over his face.

As I’m still trying to keep myself calm, all I can manage is to shake my head in response.

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” he adds, obviously needing an answer for whatever reason I have for needing him here.

“Something bad is happening to me…” I mutter, a couple tears managing to make their escape from my burning eyes.

“Bad like what…?” he asks, his voice full of worry.

And so I take a deep breath and tell him the story, the full story; from beginning to end. From the very first day I met Pete, to the last encounter I had with him not even three hours ago. I recount every single day this week in great detail, and explain how he’s been leaving me pictures of myself to find. I tell him that I have been living a fear induced nightmare, and that I’m really just not coping with it anymore. Right now, I’m too terrified to be alone.

I explain to Richard that Till left for Germany this morning and that’s why I had to call him; he was my last resort. I tell him that Till is coming back, but I’m not sure of exactly when that will be; and that I’m terrified Pete will be back before Till is. I don’t want to be here alone…

“I’m so sorry this is happening to you Lucy…” Richard says, genuinely.

I just nod in agreement.

“You know, if you don’t want to stay here, you can come home with me” he adds, giving me a small reassuring smile. “I have my own apartment now and no one apart from Paul and Christoph knows the address, so that guy shouldn’t know to look for you there; you’d be safe”

I think the idea over in my head and think that it’s probably not a bad idea.

“I mean, I can stay here with you tonight if you like” Richard adds, “But I get the feeling you don’t want to be here right now”

I glance around the room, looking at the doors and the windows and then back down at the knife, and decide that I truly don’t want to be here. I am absolutely terrified of the thought of spending the night in this place; even in Richard was to stay with me. Pete knows this address, and even with Richard here, who’s to say he wouldn’t try to attack me again.

“You don’t mind? I mean, I wouldn’t be imposing on you?” I ask, concerned that I’m asking too much of him; especially after everything that we had been through.

“Not at all, Lucy…” Richard says, flashing me another small smile. “I mean, I owe you this much…”

I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders at his words, confirming that I won’t have to spend a minute longer in this place.

“… It would only be for one night though, I’m afraid” he continues, “I have a flight tomorrow to LA, and I really can’t miss it”

“That’s fine, Richard” I assure him, “Till should be back by tomorrow, one night will be plenty. Thank you so much…”

 

I then get Richard to accompany to my room, still too paranoid and terrified to walk around this place alone. He patiently sits on my bed; his eyes intently gazing around the room, taking in the surroundings as I quickly pack myself an overnight bag. I quickly take a bathroom break before we leave and make sure to wash my face; the messy tear ruined makeup not really being the most attractive look.

On the way out of the house, I nearly go to pick up the knife, but Richard catches me doing so and just shakes his head. I guess I don’t really need it now that he’s with me; plus I guess it’s probably not the most legal thing for me to be carrying on my person.

We make our way out the door, me collecting my phone and keys on the way. I shut the door behind us, locking the door, giving it one last decent twist and shake to double check it’s properly locked. We make our way over to Richard’s car and I can’t help but feel a little relieved. I can’t wait to get away from this place.


	20. Who Listens To The Radio Anymore?

Right now I am currently sitting in the Passenger seat of Richard’s car, on the way to Richard’s house. You might think I must be over the moon right now, heading in the opposite direction on my now unwelcoming house; but this damned awkward silence right now is doing nothing good for my nerves. This week, silence has been my enemy; it’s nothing but an opportunity for my mind to run wild with memories and making up awful scenarios of things that could happen. My mind is my own worst enemy right now.

I try my hardest to ignore the constant thoughts running through my head and try and focus on the music that’s playing. The song suddenly finishes though and to my surprise an ad plays out. Richard is listening to the radio. I kind of think it comical as we have all this technology and these devices to listen to our music on, uninterrupted; but Richard still chooses to listen to the radio. I decide this is a good topic to try and break the ice with.  

“Who listens to the radio anymore?” I ask, genuinely interested.

At first he doesn’t answer me, but instead just laughs; obviously finding the concept as comical as I do.

“I do, okay? Try not to make too much fun of me” he laughs, looking pleased that one of us finally broke the building tension.

“Fine, I won’t” I reply, laughing back at him.

He goes silent for a while and I watch as a serious look spreads across his face; but doesn’t steal my interest for too long as something playing on the radio catches my attention.

“Lucy, there’s something I gotta say…” he starts, taking in a deep breath. “I need to apologize properly for…”

“Shhh!” I spit, trying to listen to the radio. “Did I just hear my name?”

“They do shout out’s at this hour, it’d just be a coincidence if you heard your name” he says, trying to brush it off.

“Shhh!”  I repeat, certain that I honestly heard the presenter say my name.

We both listen in attentively, waiting for confirmation that I did indeed hear my name. And I definitely did.

_‘I just want to give a shout out to mein Engel. I hope she liked the roses I bought her, and that I’ll see her really soon’_

My heart skips at the words of the man on the end of the static feedbacking phone, confirming my suspicion in the worst way possible.

“That’s him…” I utter, in complete disbelief.

“Lucy, it could just be a coincidence…” Richard replies, trying to stop me from panicking.

“That was definitely him…” I continue, without a doubt in my mind that that was Pete.

I’ve left my home, the last security that I had left to find sanctuary elsewhere and he has still managed to attack me. I mean, how did he know that I’d be listening to the radio? Did he do this on a whim that I may be listening? Or was he watching me leave my house with Richard? Is he following us now?

_*buzz, buzz*_

I look down to my phone that is vibrating, hoping its Till and I’m able to give him a call; I really need him right now. But it’s not… It is so much worse…

_Did you hear my shout out just then?_

My heart stops as my eyes run over the message; it’s Pete…

_*buzz, buzz*_

_So did you like the roses? I bought them just for you…_

_*buzz, buzz*_

_Why did you throw that vase at me?_

_*buzz, buzz*_

_Why did you run away from me?_

_*buzz, buzz*_

_Why did you call the cops?_

_*buzz, buzz*_

_Why did you leave just now?_

_*buzz, buzz*_

And the messages just kept on flooding in, one after the other.

I really begin to panic now… How the fuck does he have my number?! I hold the lock button as hard as I can until my phone goes black and turns off. I toss it to the floor, trying to get it as far away from me as possible; still able to hear its persistent buzzing, ringing through my head.

“Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!” I frantically mumble as I raise my hands to my ears; trying to block the nonexistent noise from pervading my ears.

I feel Richard’s eyes on me, probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about.

I bring my legs up to my chest as close as I possibly can, like I always do when I’m feeling scared. I try to keep myself calm, trying to tell myself that Till will be back before I know it; but it doesn’t help at all.

Pete’s voice on the radio, his messages breaching my phone, the incessant buzzing ringing through my brain… It’s all taking its toll.

I can feel it coming on, and I honestly, I have no way of stopping it. My heart starts to pound, my chest starts to ache, I start hyperventilating, all the while the noises in my head continue with no signs of stopping; I start having a panic attack.

Richard turns the radio off, getting rid of any distracting noise, leaving only me and the road to focus on. I can see him start to freak out as his eyes dart between me and the road, trying not to get us into an accident.

“Lucy, are you okay?! What’s wrong?!” he frantically asks, obviously never having witnessed someone having a panic attack before.

“I-I’m… ha-a-ving… a-a… pan-ic... a-at-tack…” I stutter between erratic and painful breaths.

Richard just looks at me in panic, absolutely lost as to what he should do; my terrified and abnormal state leaving him lost and confused.

“Here… Take my hand” he says, reaching out and taking my hand from my leg.

He holds it tight as he keeps his eyes on the road, confusion still spread across his face as he tries to figure out what to do next.

“Lucy… I don’t…err…” he fumbles over his words, not knowing exactly it is he’s trying to say. “What do you want me to do?”

He looks over to me and waits for my answer, but I’m past the point of being able to talk. My breathing is so irregular right now and my chest is aching so terribly; this is me already trying my hardest to hold myself together.

“Err… do you… do you want me to sing!?” he asks, feeling like he struck a gold mine.

But honestly signing is probably the last thing that could help me right now; I need a miracle, I need Till…

“Um… so what should I sing…?” he asks himself, his eyes glazed over deep in thought as he continues to watch the road. “Oh! I know!”

_Babe, you don’t have to be afraid, in my eyes  
Babe, don’t be asha…_

He cuts himself off as he looks over to me, his eyes growing wide as he realizes the mistake he’s just made.

“Oh my god…” Richard says, his face and voice full of regret as he realizes he just started singing ‘Babe’ to me. “Lucy, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to sing that just now, I don’t know what I was thin…”

But I cut him off before he can finish what he was saying. Somehow, through my erratic breathing, I manage to find the strength to break out into laughter; completely bewildering Richard. He just continues to watch me as my breathing settles down as my laughter grows heavier.

“Um, Lucy…?” Richard chimes in. “Are you okay? I’m a little confused right now…”

Instead of having to fight for air, I suddenly find myself having to calm myself down from laughing; needing to answer Richard’s question.

“You say you’re going to sing me a song, to calm me down and take my mind off things… and the first appropriate song that comes to your mind, is ‘Babe’?” I ask, breaking into laughter once again.

Richard just continues to stare at me, but soon finds himself giggling too; laughing at the humor of the situation.

I suddenly find myself able to calm down as all the bad thoughts are replaced by one, _how on god’s earth did Richard think that song would make me feel better?_ Which ironically, it did; and I’m quite thankful to have heard that god forsaken song one more time.

My hyperventilation has completely switched to giggling, my pounding chest pains have gone away, and I’m magically feeling a lot better right now.

“All right, all right…” Richard starts, obviously a tad embarrassed by his nearly fateful error. “Are you coming or what?” he asks, pulling his hand from mine as he slips out his car door.

I calm myself down and stop laughing as I gaze outside of the car window. I was so distracted just now that I didn’t even realize that we had arrived at Richard’s apartment.

I feel Richard open the door beside me and then lean down to grab my small overnight bag from my feet. He then offers me his hand as he helps me out of his car. I nearly go to close the door, but then remember that I threw my phone. I take a deep breath as I lean down to the floor of the car, reaching out and grabbing my now invaded phone.

I pick it up with great hesitation. I would leave it there, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was my only line to Till… but I am terrified at the thought that Pete has somehow gotten my number… and that I eventually have to turn the phone back on…

 

 “Right this way…” Richard says, ushering me in through the front door of his apartment.

I step inside the room and gaze around, taking in the surroundings of Richard’s one bedroom sized apartment.

“Not as big as the band’s apartment space, but big enough for me” Richard smiles. “So this is the living room, obviously” he chuckles, motioning around the minimalistic room containing nothing but a couch, a tv and a few guitars and cd’s. “And through here we have the kitchen slash dining space” he says as I follow him through the apartment. “And down this hall we have bathroom to your left, and my room to your right” he adds, pointing either direction as he talks.

“Here let me take your bag” he motions, taking my small stonewash bag from my shoulder. “Go make yourself comfy in the lounge room, I won’t be long”

I make my way back down the hall, past the kitchen slash dining area and back into the lounge room. As I take a seat on the black leather couch, I realize this place is even smaller than mine. Lucky he doesn’t have a giant German man that he has to share it with, I laugh to myself.

I look around the plain room in search of a remote for the TV, but my gaze is stalled when one of Richard’s guitars catches my eye; more specifically his old worn out acoustic. It’s sitting against the couch right next to my leg. I run my fingers up and down the fret board, lightly tracing my fingertips over the strings.

I remember back to when I first started living with Richard, one day when we were just chilling out, he pulled this exact guitar out and started to play for me. At first he started to play something nice and delicate, but equally as impressive; fitting for an acoustic. I thought it was amazing how he made such beautiful music and how effortless he made it too; I thought it was the greatest thing ever. It wasn’t long before his dominant side took over though, and before long he couldn’t help himself but smash out a Rammstein classic; Du Riechst So Gut it was, if I recall correctly. I remember Richard strumming away in his element, playfully begging me to sing along.

It was a nice memory, but a voice in the distance pulls me from it.

It’s obviously Richard, so he must be on the phone. I try my hardest to listen in on what he’s saying, not leaving my spot as to be obvious that I’m eavesdropping. It isn’t long before I get the gist of what the conversation is about. I hear my name followed by the word stalker, then something about the radio and what time it was; Richard was clearly on the phone to the police. It was nice of him to do so without me; I’m assuming as not to make me worry anymore, but it’s a bit late for that.

I find my hand clenching onto my phone in my hand, my eyes falling to its attention as it practically calls to me. I want to turn it on and find a message from Till, but chances are right now that he’s on a plane so I won’t be able to talk to him; but I still have the urge to turn it on. I think over in my head the panic attack that it had induced as I received all of those messages, and yet I still want to press that button. I find myself for some reason wanting to read the other messages, curious of their content. I kind of need to know if it’s all just fluff and talk, or if I need to be worried about or prepared for something.

I decide this time I’m in a safe place and I’ve completely calmed down so I shouldn’t freak out; as much. I hold the lock button down at the top of the phone and wait till the phone illuminates with a bright white startup screen. It takes a few moments for it to turn on completely, finally becoming usable; and that’s when the stream of messages flash onto my screen.

I bravely open the first one, taking a deep breath as I begin to read its contents; and one more after the other, driven by fear but unable to stop.

_Why did you leave?_

_Where did you go?_

_I’m going to find you…_

_I’m going to do things to you._

_Don’t you love me?_

_I care about you so much._

_Why can’t you see our potential?_

_I’m going to fucking…_

And before I can finish reading the message, my phone is snatched from my hands. I look up to see Richard finish reading the message, his eyes growing wide as he continues to flick through and read a few more.

“Maybe I’ll hold onto this for tonight…” he suggests, a little shaken by whatever it was that he just read. “I don’t think you really need to read any more of these…”

I gently nod my head in agreement; it’s probably for the best. I’m sure whatever it was that Richard read on those final messages, was something I definitely didn’t need to see.


	21. Goodnight

Night time has finally set in, the orange hues of the sunset retired, and the calming stillness of the night takes hold.

Right now Richard and I are lounging around on the couch, enjoying some well-deserved R and R. I had pizza for the second night in a row tonight. Firstly as Richard obviously wasn’t prepared for guests, and secondly as he doesn’t cook. But I didn’t mind. Like I said, after modelling shoots are over, I eat whatever I damn well please; and that greasy pepperoni goodness was exactly what I needed. But back to the TV…

At the moment Richard and I are watching a German made movie, one of his favorites, but at my request. I mean, I don’t understand anything the actors are saying, except for a few basic words, but I really wanted to watch it. Listening to the actors talk to each other back and forth in German, made me feel really happy. I know it sounds utterly stupid, but it made me think of happier times, listening to all of the band conversing amongst each other in their native tongue. The strong, punctual accent effortlessly reminding me of Till; his beautiful voice echoing through my mind.

I mindlessly stare at the tv as I listen to the voices; they’re the only thing I’ve been paying attention to, and I honestly couldn’t describe to you the events that have unfolded to this point, I really haven’t been watching. I’m content with just listening to the accented speech, making me feel at ease. But I feel eyes watching me, and my aimless gaze is pulled from the screen as my attention turns to Richard. My instinct wasn’t wrong, and I become confused as I study his puzzled expression.

“Have you lost weight?” Richard asks, candidly.

“Um, what…?” I ask, completely thrown by his totally random question.

“Have you lost weight?” he repeats, “It better not be for your job, you were already skinny enough…” he adds, his expression becoming a little irritated.

 “Oh… oh god no!” I reply, finally finding my words. “If anything it’d be from all this stress. I haven’t been trying to lose weight or anything”

“You can lose a noticeable amount of weight like that just from stress?” he asks, a little shocked.

“Um, I guess so…” I reply, feeling a little self-conscious.

“Jeez…” Richard adds, his expression now changed to that of concern.

I brush it off, trying not to let my mind wonder to the effects this week has had on my body and continue my aimless stare back at the TV. I suddenly feel the need to rub my eyes as the glaring bright contrast of the TV against the near pitch black room is starting to strain them.

“I think it’s time for bed…” Richard says, obviously taking notice of my actions.

I go to say no, but I realize that I actually am pretty exhausted, and I don’t know how much longer my eyes can last staring at the huge bright screen.

I turn to face him and then nod my head in agreement. He stands up and offers me a hand, helping me up off the leather couch. I follow him past the TV and then the kitchen and down the hall till we finally reach Richard’s room.

“You can sleep in my bed tonight” he smiles, motioning towards the bed.

“But where will you sleep?” I ask, concerned.

“I’ve got a spare mattress, so I’ll sleep on the floor” he replies back.

“Oh Richard I couldn’t…” I start to protest, “I don’t want to make you sleep on the floor…”

“Lucy, its fine” he smiles, not seeming too fazed. “My mattress will be blocking the door so you’ll have peace of mind and you’ll be in a comfy bed and able to get a proper night’s sleep. We both know you won’t be able to fall sleep any other way…” he adds, speaking the truth.

I give him a thankful smile before nodding to agree with him. If anything is going to make me feel safe and guarantee a proper night’s sleep, it’d be a large German man blocking the door.

I crawl into Richard’s black duvet covered bed having already showered before the pizza arrived. I patiently watch Richard cart a king single mattress into the room from god knows where in this tiny apartment, and then start to make himself a bed. I smile as he pushes the mattress right up against the closed bedroom door, and he looks up to make sure I see it; it’s really kind of him to go to all this trouble for me. He turns on the small air conditioner in his room, cool air filling the space and making me cuddle up comfortably to the duvet. I watch as Richard takes off and throws his shirt away, wondering how on Earth he won’t freeze tonight; but then realize that Till would probably do the same thing. Why is it that men are always so hot?

Richard flicks the light off before slipping into his freshly made bed. And by made bed, I mean mattress with random blanket that he found thrown on top; I really am curious as to how he’s sure he won’t freeze tonight.

“Goodnight” Richard says in the distance.

“Goodnight” I reply.

I make myself comfortable and close my eyes, keen to finally get a proper night’s sleep seeing as I haven’t really had one this week; but the silence doesn’t last for long.

“Lucy…?” Richard’s voice calls out again.

“Yeah…?” I sleepily reply.

“I need to get something off my chest…” he says, nervousness in his voice. “About you and me…”

“Richard…” I nervously interrupt, a little unsure of where he’s taking this.

“…please” he stops me, continuing. “When we were together I did some things, horrible things; and I never apologized for all of it”

“It’s fine Richard, don’t worry about it” I reply, not exactly wanting him to bring up the past.

“But it’s not fine, and I do worry about it” he says, his voice more certain. “Ever since the moment you told me ‘it’s over’, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret every single wrong doing that I ever made against you… I hurt you, I made you cry, and I broke so many promises…”

“Come on now, you weren’t all that bad…” I add, trying to tone down the awkwardness of his honesty.

“I was a fucking dick…” he states, bluntly. “It was a mistake to ever have involved myself in your life; no one deserves to go through what I put you through…”

“I guess not…” I quietly agree, “But it wasn’t a mistake. If I hadn’t of said yes to going out with you, I would never have met Till. If I hadn’t of moved in with you or gone through all those hardships, I may never have ended up with Till. As awful as all those things were that you did to me, in the end I’m still thankful that we were together; it all worked out.”

“For you maybe… You got the love of your life, while I lost mine” he replies, surprising me a little at his response.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want you back…” he nearly chuckles, putting my mind at ease. “You’re definitely the most amazing woman I’ve ever been in a relationship with before, but we were never meant to be together. We’re just two totally different people, and I’m still amazed that you stayed with me for as long as you did; I never deserved you. But I do agree Till’s the better man for you, you deserve better. He’s a lucky guy; you guys are perfect for each other.”

“Thank you…” I gratefully reply.

It hurts to hear him say that because him and Till were so close, but I’m happy that he can admit it. Richard is a decent guy; but like he said, we just weren’t meant to be together.

“So… I’m sorry Lucy… for everything” he apologizes, sincerely. “I will always regret the way I treated you. You are such an amazing person; you never deserved any of it…”

“Thank you, Richard… and, its fine” I reply, honestly. “Like I said it all worked out in the end. No harm done”

“No harm done?” he asks, a little confused. “That panic attack that you had in the car today, with all the shit I put you through, I have never seen you have one before. Did you start getting them because of me…?”

“Oh… um, well… yeah. I guess so…” I nervously reply, not exactly keen that he brought it up.

“Wow… I’m so sorry Lucy” he says, disheartened. “I really did fuck up big time…”

“Its fine Richard” I try to brush off, “Till’s usually there to calm me down and you managed to today as well. The doctors say I’ll manage to get over it eventually, it’s just the traumatizing events this week aren’t really helping that cause”

“I see…” he replies, deep in thought. “I’m so sorry this asshole is scaring you so much. I swear to god, if he shows up, I’ll beat the shit out of him”

“Will you now?” I laugh, finding relief in Richard’s protectiveness.

“Damn straight I will” he says, sure of himself. “There’s no way I’d let that guy touch you. Plus, I owe you that much…”

“Thank you Richard” I smile. It feels nice that he’s sticking up or me for a change.

“So… how was dinner the other night? With the guys?” he asks, suddenly changing the subject.

“It was really great, we had such a good night” I smile, thinking back to before the guys left. “I really wish you would have come though, Richard. Like I said, everything is fine between you and me; I just wish that it were the same between you and the guys…”

“Well to be honest, I did go that night…” he says, sheepishly.

“Did you?” I ask, surprised. “I don’t remember seeing you there”

“Well I made it to the window outside, at least” he starts, “I could see you all at the bar from outside. You were all having such a good time, and you looked so happy. I didn’t want to go in and spoil it all…”

“Spoil it all?” I ask, confused. “I’ll be honest and say that I was nervous about the thought of seeing you after so long, but I was hoping you were going to turn up”

“It wasn’t just about you, Lucy. I was ashamed… Still am ashamed” he corrects himself. “I just don’t feel like I really belong anymore”

“Richard, don’t be silly. I’m sure it’s going to take some time, but things will work out. I mean, what’s Rammstein without its lead guitarist? You guys need each other, you can’t avoid them forever…” I say, trying to reason with him.

“I guess you’re right…” he says, quietly. “But what about Till? He hates me…”

“He’ll come around” I reassure him, “If I can forgive you, so can he. Just give it time”

“Yeah, I suppose… Thank you, Lucy. I’ll try and make more of an effort now. I owe that much to everyone” his voice echo’s in the darkness. “How about we get some sleep now?”

“That sound’s good” I reply, tiredly.

“Well, goodnight then” he announces.

“Goodnight” I smile.

I snuggle back up to the cozy duvet, the contrast of the fresh air in the room against the warm cuddly blanket creating a winning combo. I make myself comfortable and feel my eyes slowly slipping shut. I’m so contently snug right now and almost feel like there’s a weight that’s been lifted from my shoulders with our conversation that we just had. It feels good to have finally talked it all out with Richard, and now we can move forward.  

At least that’s one negative thing sorted out in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed this update. Did you expect Richard to make an appearance? Let me know your thought's in the comments :)


	22. I Love You

I rub my tired eyes as I slowly start to wake up; the cool air from the air conditioner kissing my face as I stretch out above the blanket. I grab a corner of the thick duvet as I pull it back over me, cuddling up to it as much as I can, enjoying the warm comfy-ness for a little longer; I had the best sleep that I’ve ever had in a long time last night.

I lie there I little longer, the duvet comfortably twisted all around me. But then reality hits me, and I wonder if Till’s nearly back yet. I decide it’s probably time to emerge from my cozy bed, but not before I toss the idea of leaving the room still wrapped in the duvet around in my head first. I don’t know that Richard would appreciate me carting his blanket around the house, so I mentally prepare myself to leave the cozy bed.

I unwrap the blanket from around my body and throw it back off of me before jumping out of bed and practically skipping to the door; eager to exit the cold room and get my feet off this cold floor. I notice as I reach the door that the mattress Richard slept on last night and the blanket he was using is all gone. I’m surprised that he cleaned up without me hearing, but even more so that he’s awake before me. How tired was I? What time is it?

I leave the room and immediately a much warmer temperature befitting summer hits my skin. I hear Richard talking so I follow his voice down the hall and into the lounge room. He’s on the phone. My phone. Is it Till?

“Yeah, hold on, she’s awake now” Richard says, looking over at me as I enter the room.

He hands me my phone and my heart beats fast, excited to finally hear my German mans’ voice. I lift the phone to my ear and smile as I say, _Hello?_

“Hallo meine Geliebte, how are you?” Till asks, his voice sounding like heaven.

“I’m okay; I really miss you though…” I reply, sadness in my voice. “Are you back in New York now?”

“I’m really sorry Lucy, but I’m not…” he says, disheartened. “I wasn’t able to catch a plane last night; they’re having such bad weather here at the moment”

“Really…?” I ask, my heart sinking in my chest at his words. “When will you be back then?”

“They say flight’s will be resuming in an hour or two” Till replies, giving me a little bit of hope. “If the weather doesn’t go downhill again, I should be back late tonight”

“I hope so… I miss you so much Till…” I say, feeling my emotions build up. “I was so stupid, I should have gone with you to Germany; I should never have stayed here…”

“What are you talking about?” he asks, confusing me. “I should have never left for Germany in the first place. It was stupid of me to think he wouldn’t have found out where you live, especially without me there. I will never forgive myself for leaving you alone. I should have known better…”

“Till, it doesn’t matter now. It’s too late to think about what you could have done, just focus on getting back to me. I can’t do this without you…” I reply, starting to feel tears well up in my eyes.

“I will, I promise I’ll make it back sometime tonight” he reassures me, “You just gotta stay out of trouble, okay?”

“I’ll try…” I respond as collected as I can as I wipe away a stray tear with the back of my sleeve.

“I don’t know…” he teases, confusing me. “The first night you’ve spent without me and you’ve already managed to sleep in some other mans’ bed”

I suddenly come to the realization of my exact situation. It never crossed my mind till right now what Till would think of me spending the night at Richard’s house, but seems that Richard’s taken the liberty of telling Till that I even slept in his bed. I feel my heart race as I try to think of what to say to explain myself.

“Till, Richard was the only one I could call…” I start, trying not to trip over my words. “I was too scared to stay at home, so he came and got me. I did sleep in his bed, but not with him… nothing happened…”

“I know, I know, it’s okay!” he laughs, confusing me but calming me a little. “Richard explained everything, it’s alright Lucy”

“So, you’re not mad?” I ask, still a little confused.

“Of course not, why would I be mad?” he continues, putting my racing heart to ease. “As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters to me. Plus after everything that’s happened with Richard, I can trust that he won’t lay a finger on you”

“So you’re okay that I’m here with Richard?” I ask, a little surprised at how reasonable he’s being about Richard.

“Lucy, I trust that for the time that you’re with Richard he’ll keep you safe; that’s my number one priority” he replies, putting everything into perspective. “You’re all that matters to me, I love you…”

My heart stops for a moment as his words leave the phone into my ear, _I love you_. That’s the first time either of us has ever said it. I guess deep down we both knew from the start that we felt that way, but it just hadn’t been said yet. Up until now, Till was too worried about scaring me off, and I was too worried about repeating mistakes made in the past. I guess neither of us wanted to rush things, and we didn’t want to say it too soon and ruin everything. But he couldn’t have picked a better moment to say it, it’s exactly what I needed to hear right now

“I love you too…” I reply, a smile creeping onto my face as the words leave my mouth.

“Really…?” he asks, maybe unsure if he heard me right.

“Of course I love you, you fool!” I cry, my tears of sadness now turning into tears of joy. “Now hurry up and get home!”

“As fast as I can…” he replies; I can almost feel his smile through my phone.

“I’ll see you tonight then?” I ask, needing to hear him confirm it one more time.

“Yes, I promise” he assures me, “I love you”

“I love you too…” I reply in a bittersweet tone, right before I reluctantly end the call.

I stand there for the moment, just staring down at my phone. I wish I could spend every second on it talking to Till, right until he finally comes back home to me. His voice alone makes me feel safe, and it broke my heart just now to say goodbye; without his presence, I feel lost. But it’s not long before Richard pulls me from my senseless state as I feel his hand rest on my shoulder.

“Hey, he’ll be back soon…” he says, comforting me.

“Yeah, I know…” I agree with him.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say, I love you” he adds, duplicating the same awkwardness from last night. “Till’s a really lucky guy”

“Yeah…” I reply, not knowing how I should respond.

“How about I turn the aircon on out here and you can curl up on the couch with my duvet?” he asks, thankfully changing the subject.

“That sounds amazing” I respond, truthfully; I couldn’t think of anything better right now.

“You can watch some tv while I make us some lunch” he smiles, heading towards the kitchen.

Lunch?

Turns out my best sleep ever lasted till after eleven in the morning. I couldn’t believe I had slept in that long, but I wasn’t complaining.

I turned on the air conditioner and snuggled up to Richard’s comfy Duvet on the couch. Richard made us sandwiches and we spent the rest of the afternoon watching cheesy soaps on TV and telling stories. Richard had so many good stories to tell. Old band stories of when they were first starting out, and then when they were trying to make it in America. Memories of crazy trips on the tour bus and out of control parties. He spared no detail and I almost felt as if I was there in the moment with the band, the happy memories filling me with joy.

Richard had a never ending supply of amazing stories and he could have continued on through the whole night, but it was about five thirty when the reminder on his phone started beeping, making him realize that we had lost track of time and that he needed to start leaving for the airport. He offered to let me stay at his apartment if I liked, but I declined as Till would be home tonight anyway.

I got changed and gathered my things while Richard had a shower and packed a last minute bag. I waved goodbye to the comfy Duvet still sitting on the couch as we walked through the front door; not knowing if I’d ever have such a great sleep again.

We sit in silence the whole drive back to mine as I just gaze out the car window at all the cars and buildings passing by. But it isn’t long before we reach my place and the realization of being alone again hits me. I feel myself get nervous, but, I just gotta keep reminding myself that Till will be home tonight.

“Well, here we are…” Richard smiles, pulling back the handbrake.

“Yep…” I agree, nervously.

“Lucy, listen…” he starts, his tone concerning me. “I don’t want to dwell on the topic because I know you don’t like talking about it… but do you really forgive me? For everything…?”

“I meant what I said last night, Richard” I reply, reassuring him. “I won’t sugar coat it though. I mean, what you did to me is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. What you did to me, was terrible…” I watch his face fill with regret at my words, “…but, I do forgive you”

“But, why…?” he asks, confused.

“Because, if I allowed myself to let what you did to me get to me, it would tear me apart; and I can’t afford that, especially right now” I reply, totally honest. “I chose to forgive and forget, rather than letting it be something that controls me and so far it’s working out. If I still hated you I wouldn’t have been able to call you yesterday and stay at yours; I would have been stuck here by myself, all alone and terrified”

“Yeah, I guess so…” he replies, guilt still written on his face. “I’m so sorry, Lucy”

“It’s in the past, Richard. Thank you for helping me and letting me stay with you last night, I really appreciate it” I smile, lifting my bag up from my feet to my lap.

“That’s okay” he manages to smile back.

“Hopefully I’ll see you again, with the rest of the band” I say, opening the car door.

“I hope so too” he calls out after me as I step out of the car. “Hey, make sure you lock your door behind you” he says after winding his window down.

“I will” I turn back and smile. “Bye, Richard”

“Bye, Lucy” he smiles before driving off.

I turn back towards my house, making my way up the stairs. I find my keys in my bag and turn the lock, letting the door swing open. I stand there for a moment as I feel a wave of fear wash over me. From what I can see as I peer into the house, nothing has been disturbed, but I really should have got Richard to check the house for me before he left. It doesn’t matter though. Even if he did check the house and find nothing, I would still be terrified at the thought of spending the night alone here. Even if he’s not here right now, he could still come back. All I can here is Pete’s voice from the radio say, _I’ll see you soon_.

I don’t even take a step inside before I decide there’s no possible way I could spend the next few hours here home alone before Till returns. I take my phone from my bag before I toss the bag inside, closing the door behind it. I turn the key in the lock again and make my way back down the stairs. I stand on the curb for a few minutes running options of where to go through my mind until Dorian’s kind face appears in my mind. I remember him telling Till and I that he’d always be there if we needed him, so I decide the bar is the best place to go. Even if Dorian isn’t there it’s a familiar place and it’s very public. If Pete was to follow me there, he’d be stupid to try and do anything.

It’s a few more minutes before an empty cab makes its way down the street and I hail it, hopping in and giving the man directions. As we make our way to the bar, I’m starting to finally feel at ease again.


	23. An Offer

It’s been a couple of hours now.

It’s nearing nine o’clock and I still haven’t heard a thing from Till. I can only assume he’s still on the plane and isn’t able to call me. I should rest easy in knowing that it shouldn’t be much longer till he lands back here in New York, but every single passing minute of these last two hours that I’ve spent here, has felt like an eternity. Each minute shares its own hardships and leaves me with my unlimited and relentless thoughts.  But one thought that never leaves my mind, is Till.

I’m so fortunate that I have him. Through all the crap that happened with Richard and now all the shit that’s happening with this stalker nonsense, he’s always stuck by me no matter what. I have always been able to depend on him and he always is able to see the best in me, even when I’m at my worst.

I couldn’t ask for a better man, and he still makes my heart race, even after all this time. Especially after today, when he told me he loves me. Like I said before, he couldn’t have picked a better time to tell me. With all these crazy thoughts running through my head, when I feel myself nearing the edge I just listen to those words over again in my mind, and those butterflies in my tummy chase the bad thoughts away.

I can’t wait till he finally comes back to me and I can tell him that I love him again, in person. I can’t wait to see his face light up, and I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him again; I’m sure I won’t let go this time. Until this stalking nonsense is sorted and laid to rest, I’m never leaving Till’s sight again. If I’m not with him, something bad always seems to happen. Apart from when I was with Richard.

I was so fortunate that he answered my call yesterday. As the phone rang and I waited for him to pick up, I was sure he was just going to hang up and refuse to speak to me. I was pleasantly surprised that that wasn’t the case, but was still lucky that he did come to my house; I’m sure I sounded like a madman on the phone, not making much sense to him at all.

It was more than I could ask for when he offered to let me stay the night with him, I was so thankful. I definitely felt a lot safer at his than what I would have at mine. And lord knows that if I would have stayed at my place that I wouldn’t have had nearly as good a sleep as what I had at Richards’, if any at all that is.

I also feel a lot better now that we settled everything that happened between us in the past. Everything I said to Richard was definitely true, but I had always been worried about seeing him again for the first time after we broke up. I knew it was inevitable that we would see each other again and that that topic would arise, but it definitely always frightened me. I knew I had forgiven him for all the things he had done, but I was afraid that seeing him again would bring up all those old emotions; all the pain. I guess I’m fortunate that it happened right now where I have crazier things on my mind; because both times that we talked about it, the pain he had caused me was far from my mind. Right now, fear is the only thing consuming me, and that’s being fueled by someone else.

Richard did give me a couple moments of confusion though, both times that he brought up love. It felt so strange that he needed to say something about it, that he lost his or that he’d never heard me say it. I’m not sure if he was trying to tell me something or if I’m making something out of nothing. I decide not to dwell on it though as his intentions are the last on my mind.

The intentions of the person that are on my mind the most right now are those of my stalker, Pete. His image blurs my vision and the thoughts of what his intentions could be consume my mind. I have no idea as to what his plan is or why he became obsessed with me in the first place. Why me?

All I can think of right now is where is he?

His voice on the radio echoes through my mind and his words saying that he’d see me soon strikes fear in my heart. What did he mean that he’d see me soon? How soon? Tomorrow? Tonight? Right now? The knowing of not knowing when exactly that will be makes my heart race and I nearly can’t contain it. I mean, how would you feel if a psychopath told you he’d see you soon? It’s terrifying.

I just can’t stop thinking about how he knew I’d be listening to the radio. But then again, maybe he didn’t. Maybe he watched me leave with Richard yesterday and went out on a whim, calling the radio station on the off chance that I may possibly be listening. I agree with myself that he didn’t actually know I’d be listening and just took a chance. What worries me more is how he got my phone number.

There’s so many possible ways that he could have gotten it I assume, but if someone could have given it to him, this stranger, is what has me reeling; but I guess I’ll never know. All I can think about is what he is trying to achieve by sending me those messages. I don’t understand if those texts are supposed to change my opinion of his stalking,  like the ones that said that he cared about me or something about ‘our potential’. But then there was that one that said he was going to do things to me. Whether those ‘things’ were with good intentions or bad, I didn’t want to know; and I certainly didn’t want to give him the opportunity to show me what he meant. Especially after watching Richard’s expression as he continued to read through the remaining messages. I could open them up on my phone right now and find out, but I don’t want to; just from seeing Richard’s face I can tell that they weren’t good.

All I can assume is that his messages are meant for nothing more than but to scare me; and it’s working. I refuse to even look at my phone unless it’s Till calling. Right now I just gotta focus on Till.

I will say something from this week that I will miss is my work. I did have a good time with the Seven Deadly Sins project and it’s such a shame that Pete almost ruined the whole thing for me. I’m going to take some time off work for a while, at least till the whole stalker thing is sorted out. But even with Pete out of the picture, who’s to say something like this wouldn’t happen again. I’m starting to become well recognized in the modelling industry and even more so in the media now that I’m dating Rammstein’s lead singer. How much worse could a similar situation like this escalate? Is all the drama worth it? Could I function with happenings like this becoming a usual occurrence in my life?

Then I have to ask myself, have I brought this upon myself? Is it because of my appearance that these things are happening to me? Why do I have to look like a doll? It seems that my likeness seems to get me into nothing but trouble. From possessive guitarists like Richard to fanatic fans like Pete; neither of them would have taken interest if not for my innocent features. Innocence attracts nothing but evil. But I guess that’s the way things are, I have no control over that.

Even if I stopped modelling all together, who’s to say that a crazy fan of Till’s or even a fan of Richard’s won’t attack me just for being with either of them. Even if I weren’t to ever have another possessive stalker again, who’s to say till won’t? It’s almost a damned if you do damned if you don’t kind of situation, and I realize that there’s no knowing what the future will hold; I’ll just have to take it as it comes.

But I know one thing is for certain, I’m thinking of leaving it all behind; New York, that is. Till’s sweet nothings from that conversation in the Italian restaurant a few days ago, about leaving everything behind and moving with him to Germany is sounding really good right now. Leaving work, my house, the bad memories, leaving all of it behind and starting fresh would make me nothing but happy. Just thinking about it pushes away all those other bad thoughts, and leaves nothing but space for dreams about the future. What we could do, what we could be; I smile at the thought.

But the smile quickly fades as I catch my reflection in the reflective glass of the picture frame sitting on the wall next to my two person table. Dorian’s and Richard’s comments on my appearance fully sinking in as I properly study the makeup-free face staring back at me. My eyes have these dark heavy bags that sit below them, and my complexion seems paler and uncanny in likeness to the makeup I had worn only four days earlier in my anorexia shoot for ‘Pride’. I look awful, and as I look down at my hands and wrists they help confirm that I do indeed look thinner like Richard had said; and not in a good way. My hands look bony and my cheeks about the same, not very attractive; unless I was going for a starved zombie role in a movie maybe? My body can’t handle this stress…

“Hey there!” a voice says from behind me, startling me and making me jump. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” Dorian apologizes as he makes his way to the other side of the table and sits down.

Thank god it’s Dorian.

“Hey, and that’s okay” I manage a smile as I try to calm my heart rate back down.

“What are you doing all the way over here? You’ve been here more than two hours and you haven’t come over to the bar and said hey yet” he says, looking at me a little confused.

“You seemed a little busy with those pretty girls that seemed to be taken by your charm” I joke, trying to make out that I’m in a better mood than what I am.

“Meh, they weren’t my type” he brushes off, “say, what are you doing here all on your own anyway?”

“Well things with my stalker got a lot worse yesterday the minute Till left for Germany” I put bluntly, “he attacked me in my house and I was that scared I ended up spending the night with Richard…”

“Wow… that bad, huh?” he replies, concern written on his face.

“Yeah… the reason I’m here is because Richard had to catch a flight and I didn’t want to be home alone” I say, trying to explain myself. “I came here because I knew you’d be here, so I knew I’d feel safer”

“Well I finish at nine, which is like… right now. What are you going to do then?” he asks, curiously.

“I don’t know… I guess I’ll have to go back home” I reply, thinking things over in my head.

“But you’ll be alone again… my offer of help still stands if you’d like to take it. I don’t mind if you stay at my place till Till comes back” he offers, giving me a gentle smile.

“No, I couldn’t impose on you like that” I smile back, graciously declining his offer. “Till should be landing within the hour hopefully, so I won’t be alone for long”

“Ah, I see. But at least let me drive you home, so I know you’re safe” he responds with another offer.

I think it over in my mind for a moment. Once Dorian leaves, there’ll be no one here that I know. And Till really shouldn’t be far off landing if he caught that plane when he said he was supposed to, so I shouldn’t be waiting at home for long. I decide it’s probably not a bad idea to take Dorian up on his offer as it’ll be much easier convincing him to check my house for stalkers than what it would be convincing a cabby.

“That would be great” I smile, accepting his offer.

His kindness makes me feel a little better again.  


	24. The Old Girl

Dorian holds the back door of the bar open for me as I make my way out into the dark street. He leads me down the sidewalk a little till we come to this worn red vintage Chevy Chevelle; big on the vintage side. The paint and chrome is definitely in need of some love and the interior from what I can see, isn’t on the great side either. But still, a really cool old car.

Dorian unlocks his door and gets inside, leaning over to unlock the passenger side for me. I open the door and lean down onto the worn leather seat, pulling the door closed behind me. Dorian starts the car and I watch as the dusty radio panel illuminates to a faded orange hue. The whole car is a little dusty actually, but Dorian obviously doesn’t seem to mind.

“It’s really cool that you own a car, not many people in New York do” I say, reaching back for the seatbelt but realizing there isn’t one.

“Yeah, I’ve had this car since I was seventeen” he smiles as he starts to drive away from the bar. “Found it at a junk yard and fixed her up enough so that she was drivable. Once I saved up enough money for a decent camera, I dropped out of school and went wherever the road took me”

“Your life so far sounds like it was from a movie” I laugh, impressed at his carefree beginnings.

“Almost” he chuckles, “I travelled around America, picking up odd jobs where I could, living out of my car, photographing the countryside. It was great not knowing where I’d end up or what job I’d be doing next. I certainly would never have met your friends if I’d had stayed at home”

“I guess not” I smile, trying to imagine all the different places this very car took him.

“I know it’s not the most convenient thing, owning a car in New York; but I could never part with the old girl” he smiles, nostalgically running his hand over the dashboard.

I look around in his car a bit more, trying to appreciate Dorian’s ‘old girl’, searching for any remnants of past adventures that I could query him about. And one item does catch my eye, but not for the reasons I’d like. My eyes run over the small hand held item sitting on the back seat behind Dorian. A vintage Polaroid Camera, identical to the one that Pete carries on his person.

“Dorian…” I stutter, my heart beginning to race. “What’s with that camera?”

“Camera…? Oh wow, I’m sorry!” he says, a pained expression spreading across his face. “This must look really bad, please don’t panic”

“Yeah, it does…” I reply, starting to panic against his wishes; impatiently waiting for his explanation as to why he has the exact same camera as my stalker.

“I went to that old photography place I was telling you about the other day to see if I could get an address for that Pete guy who’s stalking you, to see if I could help out” he quickly explains, trying to calm me down. “No luck there, but the guy did have the same model camera for sale, and I just had to have it. Remember the other day when I said that I wanted one? Well just my luck he had one to add to my collection, so I got him to put it aside and I went and picked it up today before my shift; that’s why it’s still sitting in the back. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to freak you out…”

I take in his words and start to calm myself down, realizing how stupid I must look right now, getting all worked up over nothing. I’ve known Dorian for like a week, and Pete’s practically been stalking me and taking my picture for months now. I feel horrible for making a connection between the two; Dorian’s a really nice guy.

“It’s okay… I’m just a little on edge with everything that’s happening at the moment” I reply, trying to look collected as possible.

I continue my gaze around the car again, trying to get my mind off my equally frightening and embarrassing moment. I run my eyes over the worn read leather interior and the dusty fingerprint covered windows, back to the glovebox in front of me. I think it’d probably be rude of me to open it and look inside, but as we pull up to a set of red lights my curiosity gets the better of me.

“No!” Dorian shouts as I open the compartment.

A few items and some clothes fall out and I realize it probably took him some effort to shove all of it in there and keep it closed.

“Sorry…” I apologize as I start to put the items back.

I place the random objects and some blank camera film back into the compartment before I neatly fold up a pair of dark grey jeans so that they’ll fit back in there a lot better. It’s not until I go to fold up the black hoodie that had fallen out that I come to a realization. My heart starts racing again as I continue to fold the black hoodie up, and I tell myself that it’s just a coincidence; but as soon as I see the red band around the arm, I realize it’s not. These jeans and this hoodie is what the stalker was wearing the last three times I had seen him.

The stalker wasn’t Pete.

My eyes quickly shift to look at Dorian’s face, intently watching me with an expression that resembles nothing of the kind one he wore before. I instinctively throw the hoodie at him trying to distract him as I turn to open the door and make my escape. My plans are thwarted when I realize it’s locked, and for some reason the lock itself seems to have vanished into the frame of the door, leaving me with no way of unlocking it. I frantically try to pull the door handle, praying that it will magically open.

“The old girl isn’t what she used to be… There’s a trick to unlocking it” I hear him mutter from behind me.

I suddenly realize there’s no way I’m going to get this door open, so I do the next best thing; I scream. I start banging the glass, shouting out as loud as I can to the car in the next lane, hoping that someone notices me and saves me from my stalker. I cry out as loud as I can, but my efforts are futile. And it isn’t long before I feel the back of his hand collide with my head; causing it to meet with the dusty glass, knocking me unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone see this coming?  
> Please tell me your thoughts and reactions, I love to hear what you're all thinking!   
> Things are definitely starting to get serious now.


	25. Why?

_Ow…_

I start to come to, my head feeling heavy and dizzy. I begin to open my eyes, but everything is blurry. I keep my eyes squinted as I try to blink the fuzziness away, strained by the blinding lights that are shining down on me. I sit up, and as I do my heavy head begins to throb. I lift my hand to inspect where the pain is radiating from, but pull away from the pulsing tender spot on my forehead as it aches with my touch. I sit there for a moment longer, disorientated and confused as to what has happened. But that’s when I remember…

I remember Dorian.

I remember getting in his car, finding the camera and the stalkers clothes. I remember trying to escape his car… and then I remember my head meeting the glass of the car window from Dorian’s forceful hand.

Why…?

There must be some kind of mistake… I don’t understand what is happening right now. Pete’s the stalker, not Dorian. This isn’t right, this doesn’t make sense.

I suddenly feel my heart begin to race as I realize that I don’t know where I am. I still feel a little disorientated from being hit, but I need to get out of here; wherever I am. I put my hands down on the ground in front of me to get up, but as I do I feel something shift across my skin. I look down to inspect what caused the cool and rough sensation, only to see chains. I follow its trail to my hands and realize that they’re attached to me. They’re attached to two old rusty metal cuffs that have been placed on my wrists.

I sit back again and lift my hands back up closer to my vision. I inspect the heavy cuffs on my wrist and see that they open with a key. My heart beats faster as I immediately try to pry them off of me. I try pulling them open against my wrist, then I try pulling my hand through, certain that my slender palm could fit through; but it is no use. The cuffs are secured nice and tight, and all my pulling and tugging is causing me nothing but pain; they aren’t coming off.

My eyes follow the trail of the metal chain from my wrists down and around to the floor right behind me. Right up against the wall - and to my disappointment - was where the chains originated, submerged in concrete. I reach down and pull at them with all my might, praying that by some miracle I could get them to shift, but there is definitely no way I could remove it from there. As I desperately tug at them I notice a large metal hook submerged in the concrete as well, but its purpose evades me. I admit defeat after I realize that without the key there is no way I am leaving these cuffs, so I sit back against the wall and try to figure out where the hell I might be.

I first take notice of where I am sitting. Underneath me is a white plastic-like canvas that runs up the back of the wall. It’s attached to a backdrop stand, similar to like what is used in my shoots for modelling. The only thing that’s different is the material. It’s not like the usual cotton or nylon backdrops that I’m used to, but instead this odd thick waterproof feeling material.

I turn around again to the blinding lights, and as my eyes adjust I realize that they are actual studio photography lights, like expensive led ones. And right in the center between the lights is a tripod with nothing on it. So far everything that I’ve looked at gives me the feeling that I’m in a studio. Apart from the cuffs and chains, everything looks like your average modeling studio. Is that where I am? In a rented studio? Am I going to be forced to do some kind of shoot in here?

But then I focus past the lights and take in the rest of the surroundings in the room. Along the entire back wall are rows of shelves, and upon these shelves are cameras. And not just any cameras, but vintage ones; vintage cameras like the ones that Dorian said that he collected. I scan the shelves and view the different equipment that would have dated back to as early as the 1800’s. There are little box cameras with concertina lenses, to instant cameras and then more modern ones with giant lenses.

My vision trails off across the room over to a corner where there’s more photography equipment. Soft box lights, Flash Umbrella’s, rolled up backdrops, et cetera; but what’s beside it all is what confuses me even more. Beside where the light stands are sitting is a tub sized stainless steel sink with a tap and faucet. And beside that is a large stainless steel bench that has a storage shelf underneath it lined with chemicals. Never in my career have I seen such things in a studio before and I cannot wrap my mind around what purpose they would serve. I decide not to waste my time dwelling on what its purpose is as I really don’t care either way. I just want to get out of here.

I decide from the display of collected cameras that I’m not at a public studio, but rather where Dorian lives perhaps. It really wouldn’t make sense to have such a large and expensive collection at a public studio; nor does taking a kidnapped girl there either. I continue gazing around the room trying to make sense of things, and that’s when it captures my attention; Pete’s Polaroid camera, sitting on a wooden chair by the door. But is it Pete’s camera? In Dorian’s car he told me that he had acquired it after I had shown him a Polaroid I had been sent and then he got interested in it.

My mind starts to go wild. I desperately try to figure out what is actually going on with this whole messed up situation. Has it really been Dorian all along? Or has he been helping Pete? But then there are so many other scenarios that I can think of but I can’t possibly make my mind up on any of them. I’ll never be able to figure it out until Dorian tells me, because I have no idea of how he could possibly be involved in any of it. Nothing adds up – it doesn’t make sense.

But my frenzied thoughts are interrupted as I hear the knob of the door rattle and then twist, opening it and leaving it to swing open. My captor enters, closing the door behind him before making his way over to me. He’s wearing the same dark grey jeans and hoodie with the red band that he wore all those times I had encountered him; totally unaware of his identity. I assume his wearing it is some kind of sick joke towards me that I never caught on to who he was, but how was I to know? I still don’t understand any of it; but I’m sure I’m about to find out.

“Ah you’re awake, finally!” he booms, his voice ringing in my ears making me realize just how disoriented I still am. “Mein Engel! Or should I say, little doll? That’s what you used to be called, or so I’ve heard” he says, flashing an evil smile.

“How do you know that…?” I timidly ask, confused at how he knows that private detail.

“I know a lot of things about you, but how I know these things are not important” he replies, digging his hand into one of his jean pockets. “I see you’ve kept my favourite one…”

He pulls out a Polaroid picture and faces it to me. He’s only standing a couple feet away, but my vision is still a little blurry so I can’t quite make out what the picture is of, but I assume it’s the one I had hidden in my pocket; the Polaroid I took that I had found on my bed. Even though it appears that he took the photo and had seen it before, I can feel my stomach churn at the thought of him holding it and seeing it.

“I really love how you posed in this one” he snickers, turning the picture around to gaze over it once more. “You can really get a good look at Till’s big fat dick impaling you” he laughs sadistically.

I feel sick at his words. The thought of anyone having a photograph of something so intimate that Till and I shared disgusted me. But the fact that he was there outside of my bedroom window, staring in, taking photos, watching… I feel like I’m going to be physically sick. I don’t want to hear anymore.

“For a small girl, you’re really flexible” he grins, slipping the Polaroid back into his pocket.

“It was you… this whole time?” I nervously ask, desperate to change the subject as well as to get some answers.

“Ahh, yes…” he replies, the smile slipping from his face.

“I… we, thought it was Pete…” I add, expressing my confusion.

“Yes, that was very helpful” he replies, his smile returning to his face.

“Helpful…?” I mutter, confused at his reply. “I don’t understand…”

“Of course you don’t” he snickers, “But what I mean is that it was very helpful that you thought it was Pete this whole time. You told the cops it was him and they’ve got countless reports from you saying it was him so that leaves him as the one and only suspect. Plus with you convinced that it was him, there was no way for you to ever suspect that it could be the handsome and friendly bar man that is friends with your lover”

A devilish grin spreads across his face with his words, right before he walks back towards the door, picking up the chair and the Polaroid camera with it. He places the chair on the floor a few feet short of me, taking a seat and resting the camera in his lap.

I take in everything he’s just said and his explanation makes sense. It was smart of him use that camera and have Pete as his cover, but I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that Pete actually had nothing to do with this. This whole time I’ve been convinced that it was him, and now everything that I thought I had known has been pulled from beneath me and I’m frantically trying to come to terms with it all.

“If it really has been you this whole time… why are you doing this?” I request, impatient for answers. “But first, how could you do this? I mean you’re friends with all of the guys from Rammstein, with Till… how could you do this to them, to him, to me…?”

“Easily, really…” he replies, a blank expression on his face.

I feel my heart beat faster as my blood boils with his simple and blunt response to my heartfelt question. I ask him what how he could do this to me and his friends, and all he feels the need to answer with is ‘easily’. Has he no emotion tied to this entire situation at all? From that first night at the bar with all of the guys and then again when Till and I went and visited him once more, they shared such happy memories and fond stories from the past. I cannot fathom how a man that seemed to have such a strong relationship with Till and all the other guys could so coldly answer with ‘easily’. I can’t believe it; I don’t want to believe it. Has their entire friendship meant so little to him that he can commit such awful crimes against one of their own members’ partners?

“I thought you were friends with Rammstein!” I yell, frustrated by my confusion with his answer and how I can’t make sense of anything. “I thought you were friends with Till… Don’t you care about hurting them? I mean, what happens when they find out what you’ve done to me?”

“They won’t find out” he replies sternly, sure of his statement. “And when Till comes around to the bar in the next day or two asking if I’ve seen you, I’ll be the one who is there for him, the one to console him. After he’s assumed that Pete’s taken you, that is”

I can’t believe the words that have just come out of his mouth. Till spoke so fondly of him, like a brother. And Dorian is saying that he would lie to him and withhold the truth. Lie to him and console him, having Till seeking solace from the exact monster that took his loved one away, leaving him none the wiser. It disgusts me how this man has gained so much of their trust and made them think that he was such a good friend. I don’t want to hear another word leave his mouth, but I still need to understand why.

“Well what happens when they eventually find Pete, and they find out that I’m not with him?” I ask, thinking I have found a flaw in his plan.

“They won’t be finding Pete. Trust me…” he replies, his eyes filled with an icy glare.

My heart stops at his statement and I suddenly feel sick. What does he mean that they won’t be finding him? My heart begins to race as I suddenly find myself concerned for Pete’s wellbeing. Is he implying that he’s hurt him? Does that same fate lie in store for me? I begin to panic but Dorian interrupts my distress.

“That day that you and the guys came to the bar was the day I decided to take Pete’s camera” he begins to explain. “The idea at first was to take his camera and rough him up a bit so that I was sure he wouldn’t come back and interfere again; but that didn’t quite go to plan. I was actually waiting for Pete in the alley way that he ran down as he tried to get away from Till after he had confronted him for pestering you. I grabbed his camera from him as he ran towards me, not knowing I was waiting for him, and then I hit him with it, knocking him down. I waited for him to get back up so I could continue carrying out my plan, but he didn’t. I had knocked him out cold but I had no time to wait for him to come around as I had to start my shift at the bar. So I hauled his heavy ass down that alley way and dumped him in the trunk of my car.  
I couldn’t just leave him there without finishing what I started, there was a chance that he’d come back and ruin my plans.  
So then I went to the bar and did my shift, the whole time Pete was still in the trunk of my car. And when I finally clocked off and went out to the abandoned alleyway where my car was parked, ready to finish what I had started, I opened the trunk to find him the exact same way that I’d left him. I checked his pulse but there wasn’t one. Somehow I had landed the perfect hit and ended his life.  
I didn’t mean to kill him, just rough him up a bit like I had said; but it worked out fine in the end. I just disposed of the body and I got to keep the camera. Such a cool camera too, the serial number actually matches to being one of the first one hundred in production! Such a waste in the hands of that dim wit”

I sit there stunned. I want to react, say words, scream, anything! But the information that Dorian has giving me has left me speechless, and terrified… Right now, Dorian has just confessed to murder. He did say that it was accidental and that he didn’t intend it, but he brushed it off like nothing. With barely any emotion he has just stated that he killed him, but that it worked out fine in the end that he did anyway.  I begin to feel sick again as his confession starts to sink in. How could he do something so disturbing and yet show no signs of remorse. How could he do something so horrible to a defenseless guy like Pete? Or worse yet, was he capable of doing the same to me? My mind briefly thought over the idea of that was what his intentions were for me, but I pushed it from my mind. Not letting the mere concept linger for a second longer, knowing that I would surely be unable to keep it together. Because right now I need to keep it together as much as I can, because I don’t know what Dorian’s intentions are and I need to be strong for when he finally reveals them.

“I can’t believe you thought that he was behind all of this. That guy was harmless. I’m sure he wouldn’t even hurt a fly” he chuckles, laughing it off like it was nothing.

“And yet you killed him…” I judge, in disbelief of how he could have done such a thing after he admitted how harmless he was.

“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!!!” he yells, frightening me as he suddenly loses his cool. “I didn’t mean to…”

He takes a deep breath as he runs a shaky hand through his quiffed red hair as he tries to compose himself again. His dark blue eyes are glassy and full of panic, almost as if somehow he frightened himself too. He seemed to be unfazed when he was the one speaking of himself killing Pete, but as soon as I uttered the words he completely lost it. Perhaps it doesn’t seem so real or so awful when he says it, but hearing someone else confirm it seems to have a greater impact on his conscience. But then I think to myself that if he’s crazy enough to stalk and kidnap me, as well as disposing of a man’s body that he accidentally killed, he probably really isn’t fazed about the crime’s that he’s committed; just more angered that I have the nerve to talk back. I decide that talking back is probably not the best idea in my situation, but I still have questions that need to be answered.

“Why were you waiting for Pete?” I ask, quietly as to not set him off again. “Why did you need to take his camera to start with anyway?”

“I needed this camera to help fulfill my plan…” he answers, looking down at the device as he shuffled it around in his hands.

“What plan...?” I continue to enquire, eager to find out what this whole situation really is about.

“We were never supposed to meet before right now, in this basement…” he replies, not answering my question and leaving me even more confused. “It was sheer dumb luck that you and the boys turned up to the bar that evening we first met, but it worked out for the best. I got your number from Paul when I put mine in his phone and I also gained your trust, making this my most exciting hunt yet”

I sit there with the most confused expression strewn across my face, and I see him grin at my inability to comprehend the information that he’s feeding me.

“You mean, you already planned to stalk me before I had even met you…?” I ask, finally coming to a realization.

“Bingo” he smirks.

“And what do you mean by hunt…?” I continue, starting to feel my heart race again at the threatening word.

“Ah, ah, ah…” he replies, shaking his forefinger at me. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves now. I still have to tell you what my plan was”

I take a deep breath as I mentally prepare myself for whatever madness this guy is about to unload on me. Honest to god I don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t want to know what his plan was, what his intentions are, or what he plans to do. I just wish I was far away from wherever the hell it is that I am, and be cuddled up in my cozy bed with Till, enjoying every passing moment. But I have to realistic right now and hear this madman’s reasoning for dragging me into hell.

“I do little side projects as well as working at the bar” he continues, starting to fill me in. “My side projects include filming and photography, like you might of guessed” he smiles, gesturing his hands around the room towards his photography set up. “In my line of work, I try to find the most beautiful girls and models to work with. Having a beautiful canvas makes for beautiful art, don’t you agree?  
So a few months ago I was out late at a club, looking for my next muse when I run into none other than Richard Kruspe. He was drunk and angry saying he left home mad at his ‘little doll’. ‘Little doll?’ I ask, confused that he was implying that he actually was mad at a toy, but then he went on to tell me about you. He didn’t say too much as he was quite angry, but he told me of your likeness which got me intrigued. I left the club and looked you up on the internet, learning about you and viewing your photos. Richard had described you perfectly and I couldn’t believe my eyes at how much of a doll you actually look like once you’re all done up. I had never worked with a woman who looked like you do before. And that’s when I knew you were the one; my next prey.  
Usually I take action on my plan immediately when I find the right girl, but things went south for the both of us. You broke up with Richard and then got together with Till, shacking yourself up in your home for a good month. You stopped working and you barely left at all, which left me with no option but to wait. Quite infuriating and rather inconsiderate of you really if you ask me. Because when you finally did head back to work, I had already found another girl to work with for a while.  
But then when you got that job working for Hinata and my window of opportunity finally opened up again. I had already devised my plan so it was simply time to put it in motion. Are you keeping up so far?”

I sit there stunned, once again at a loss for words. He’s just told me that he found out about me from Richard at a party. I feel my heart rate pick up again, this time out of frustration, but I calm myself back down. How was he to know that telling Dorian about me would lead to all of this? I mean, they were mates for Christ sake, no one could have seen this coming. I feel my stomach churn at his announcement that he has had this planned for months. And all of this is just to get me to model for him in one of his projects? If he’s gone to such extreme lengths as this, I can barely fathom what kind of work it is he’s expecting me to do.

“Good” he smiles, interrupting me from my thoughts and continuing without me even giving him an answer. “So you’re probably wondering why I never just approached you personally, offering you a job so that I could have you work on my project. I definitely could have, and with my charm and good looks I can bet that you would have said yes. But where’s the fun in that? As well as my knack for photography and film, I also have a habit that I can’t seem to shake. An addiction, you could say, that I need to get my fix for. Rather than asking you outright if you’d work with me, it’s much more enjoyable to hunt you down and work you up. Terrifying you and kidnapping you, pushing you to your absolute limits and to the edge of madness. Fear makes for much better imagery; at least in my line of work anyway.  
I used Pete's precious Polaroid camera as cover, knowing that you'd assume it was him from the familiar pictures. I left you photograph’s and threatening messages, I followed you, I attacked you, I invaded your home, I made you flee from the one place you felt safe, I kidnapped you; and all for the sake of terrifying you to till you could take it no more. Building your fear to create the perfect canvas; preparing my work of art”

I can’t believe the words that are leaving his mouth right now. Is he seriously trying to tell me that this last week, the whole stalking drama, was to traumatize me into a state that befitted his sickening style of imagery? The constant fear and dread that consumed me this past week was simply imposed on me to ready me for his work? What kind of messed up project does he have in mind that such a state would be appealing for any kind of photography? I feel furious that this entire week has been some kind of sick stunt; a small part to him in a bigger plan to capture the perfect shot. I can feel my blood boil in my skin at the height of this man. His complete lack of emotion and empathy has me lost for words. I cannot fathom how any sane human being could justify such a traumatizing ordeal as ‘acceptable’ in the name of art. Not even an artistic genius like Hinata would go to such lengths as this to create something; even if it did guarantee success. I have no words.

“Are you saying that you stalked me so that you could scare me into an ideal state of fear for your ‘project’?” I demand, furious at how everything is piecing together.

“Partly, yes” he replies, bluntly.

“Partly?” I ask, confused.

“Well half of the reason is exactly what you said just now” he continues, beginning to elaborate. “The other half of the reason why I stalked you is because of that little addiction I was telling you about. You see, I rather enjoy stalking women and terrifying them. And I spent a lot of time planning out how I was going to stalk you. The entire plan was quite elaborate, but definitely my favourite yet. To me, it’s all about the hunt. It’s about me terrifying you. It’s about me making you worry every moment that you’re awake that I could be coming for you. It’s about me making you feel like you have no chance of escape, and that I’m inevitably going to get you.  
And that my girl, is the greatest fear driver of all. That’s what gets me off, and that’s what makes the artistic magic happen. No false posing could ever beat the raw and legitimate emotion that I am able to achieve through my methods. No amount of editing could ever match that genuine look of fear in a person’s eye that I can create through my little charades”

I’ve heard enough. Everything that he is telling me is just too much. The truth about him being the stalker this entire time, him killing Pete, and his intentions of why he even stalked me in the first place; I can’t bear to hear him go on any longer about how all of his torturous stalking this past week has been entirely for his own amusement and photography. This guy is a freaking nut job! No one in their right mind would go to the lengths that he has to achieve something. He has caused me such crippling distress from the mental abuse that he has put me through, purely for his pleasure. I’ve had enough. I just want this to be over now.

“So you’re going to take pictures of me now?” I ask, eager for him to get it over and done with. I just want to go home.

“No, I already have plenty of them” he smiles, patting the pocket where he is keeping that intimate Polaroid of Till and I. “We’re actually going to be filming a little movie instead”

My heart sinks at the sound of his words. Movie? What kind of movie does he mean? Everything that he has told me just now made me assume that he was going to be taking pictures of me. I mean I am a model, that’s what I do; I pose for pictures not star in movies. What could he possibly have cooking up in that twisted mind of his? I’m starting to get scared of what kind of movie this perverted guy is intending. I don’t want anything to do with it.

“I…I can’t act. I’m a model…” I stammer, not wanting any part of his ‘little movie’.

“That’s fine sweetheart” he smiles, sadistically. “You don’t need to do a thing. Just look scared…”

“Scared…?” I utter, suddenly terrified about what he’s intending.

I start to back myself up against the wall in a bid to stay as far away from him as possible. I watch him get up off of the chair and place the camera back on the shelf with the rest of his collection. He then makes his way back over to the wooden chair and lifts it up, placing it a foot or two in front of me and facing it towards where his tripod sits. He then walks over to me and squats down so that he’s more on my level. I want to move away from him again, but his invasive presence has me frozen. All I can do is just try to breathe.

“It’s time for your debut, Lucy” he smirks, his eyes running all over me. “Be a doll and sit on that chair for me, would you?”

He seems proud of his little ‘doll’ remark, but I’m far from amused. He’s asked me to go sit on the chair that he’s placed on the plastic backdrop in front of me, but I still can’t move; I’m too scared. Too scared to get up and sit on that chair, and too scared to think about what follows after I sit down. The knowledge of everything is suddenly making its full impact, and I can barely take it. But then suddenly, his smile starts to fade.

“I asked you to get up and sit on that chair, little doll…” he says, raising a hand to my cheek and gently stroking it. “So get up, or I’ll make you” his hand suddenly slips from my cheek and reaches for my neck, gripping it tightly and painfully, leaving me unable to breathe.

His other hand follows to wrap around my neck, squeezing the air from me. I reach my hands up and grasp his wrists, frantically trying to pull them away so that his grip will loosen and I can finally catch my breath. But his grip stays tight as he stares me down, threatening like, almost as though in this moment he is trying to show me who’s boss. I plead to him with my eyes as my desperate hands make no impact. But thankfully, just as I feel myself starting to slip out of consciousness, he releases his grip and lets my lungs fill up with air again. I cough and splutter as I try to properly catch my breath again. I start to shake as fear consumes me for what he has planned next if choking me is nothing to him.

“Now be a good girl and get up…” he demands, standing up as he does.

As scared as I am I waste no time in doing what he says, terrified by the thought of what he might do if I don’t. I get myself on my hands and knees and then go to stand up, but as I do I become light headed and dizzy from being strangled just now, and I feel myself fall to the ground.

“Get up!” he yells, tightly grasping one of my wrists as he pulls me up and impatiently hauls me towards the chair.

I land on it with a thud, my head spinning in my upright position. I barely take notice of him tying my legs to the base of the chair with some rope as I try to concentrate on not feeling dizzy; obviously still not getting enough oxygen to my brain. He then stands up again and walks behind me. I feel him move the chains that are attached to my wrists, pulling my arms back enough so that I can’t lean forward from the back of the chair. I now understand what that hook must be for and assume that he’s tightened the slack of the chain by hooking it on to that. With no slack left on the chain, there’s practically no option for me to move my arms at all.

As I sit there in my groggy state, I watch him walk over to the stainless steel bench. He then pulls out a handful of what looks like, folded up plastic. He makes his way back towards me and drops two of the sheets to the floor. He then unfolds the one left in his hand and proceeds to lay it on the floor where the white plastic backdrops ends, covering the concrete and the stands of the lights. He then proceeds to unfold the other two sheets and do the same on either side of me; covering the concrete and leaving me confused.

“What’s the plastic for…?” I nervously stammer.

“My work can get a little, uh… messy” he smiles, before walking off towards the bench again.

My heart starts to pound as his words run through my mind. I can only imagine what he means by ‘messy’; things really aren’t looking good for me right now. I’ve been kidnapped, I’ve been choked, and now I’m tied up and chained to a chair, preparing myself for whatever mess it is that he intends to make. I know I’ve said it before that I don’t really believe in God, but right now I’m praying to the high heavens that something can save me right now. Something or someone to rescue me from whatever twisted fate this guy has in mind. I don’t know if his intentions are to hurt me or kill me, but my situation right now really isn’t looking good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I have a chapter for you!  
> Sorry for the really long wait you guys! I really didn't want to make you all wait so long as, 'shit's gettin serious'. But life happened, as it does and I got super busy - as well as this chapter and the ones to follow having taken so long to write because of how long they are as well. I know I'm breaking my rule of only posting 1 chapter instead of three, but this chapter is 200 words shy of being 6000 words :O 
> 
> I would have loved to have had this up earlier, but literally as I had finished proof reading and editing this chapter (for some reason I chose to do so on this website rather than in word which I have never done), I accidentally exited out of the window deleting all of my editing and so I had to re edit everything D: What a long night it has been... please feel free to join in feeling my pain...
> 
> BUT ANYWAY!  
> Enjoy! Tell me your thoughts, comment what you think is going to happen.  
> And I promise the next chapters are coming REALLY soon!


	26. Please, Stop...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags have been added for trigger warnings. If any of the tags in the description affect you, I would suggest not continuing to read.   
> But if you don't have any triggers, don't read the tags, because, you know... spoilers...  
> Haa

I watch him as he makes his way back towards me. He’s retrieved a large black duffel bag from the stainless steel bench and proceeds to carefully place it on the floor next to his tripod. He kneels down and unzips the bag; I can’t see what’s inside, but he pulls out what looks like a black leather roll bag. He places it down beside the duffel bag and out of my view; but from the actions he’s making from what I can see, I assume he’s unrolling it. He stays there for a moment, his eyes wandering back and forth across the open bag, searching for or deciding on something. He obviously makes up his mind as he reaches down and picks something up; something I wasn’t prepared to see.

“Please, please, please don’t hurt me!!!” I beg as I watch him stand up and slowly walk towards me, knife in hand.

I don’t know what he intends to do with it yet but it can’t be good if it involves me being tied up in a chair. He gives me an evil smirk, but stops to turn around suddenly; he’s either heard something, or realized something? He gives a soft chuckle before heading over to the row of shelves that hold all of his cameras. His head slowly turns side to side as his eyes skim over the collection, obviously looking for something in particular.

“Ah there it is!” he declares, pulling something off of the shelf.

He makes his way back over to his duffel bag, placing the knife down on the roll again before standing back up with his camera in hand. It’s a fairly large camcorder that looks like it could be from the ninety’s, and he begins to attach it to the tripod.

“Nearly forgot the camera!” he grins as he turns the camera on.

“What are you doing, Dorian?” I ask, panicked.

“I already told you, we’re going to be making a little movie” he replies, flashing a wicked smile before returning his gaze to the camera.

“Dorian, I don’t want to!” I yell, terrified of what his intentions may be.

“Well you don’t have choice!” he yells back, stepping away from the camera and over towards me. “You’re a part of this whether you like it or not. Rules are simple; all you have to do is sit there like a good little girl and try not to make too much noise. No matter how much you protest I’m going to do whatever I like, and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me”

“Why are you doing this!?” I demand, still not able to fully comprehend his reasoning behind everything.

“That’s for me to know; it doesn’t concern you” he bluntly replies, walking back towards the camcorder.

I watch him flick off the lens cap before pushing a few buttons, adjusting settings I guess. His eyes grow wide and so does his smile as he pushes a button at the top, causing a little red light to constantly blink on and off. My heart beats fast and I start to panic at the sight of the flashing light. Whatever his plan is, it’s about to take shape now as the video camera is now recording, and there really isn’t anything I can do to stop it. All I can do is protest, but like he said it won’t make any difference, he’s still going to do whatever it is that he has in mind.

I watch him bend down towards the duffel bag and retrieve the knife that he had held before. I feel sick as fear consumes me as he stands up and slowly makes his way over to me once again. His fist clenches the handle tight and the light above me catches the blade, making it glint in the light as he walks towards me. The room is cold but I can almost feel myself start to sweat from how worked up I am right now. My heart is racing and my blood is boiling and I’m barely controlling my breathing.

He’s finally at the foot of the chair that I’m tied to and I can’t take my eyes off of the blade in his hand. He raises it slightly to rest against my leg, where he then runs it upward along my thigh, the sharp point caressing my black leather look leggings. The sensation that the blade causes over my pants sending chills throughout my body. He then runs it up across my baggy band tee before resting the tip of the knife below my chin, applying pressure that makes me to tilt my head back, forcing me to make eye contact with this despicable man.

“What are we going to do with you…?” he ponders out loud; a wicked smile spreading across his mouth as his free hand reaches up to caress my face.

I squeeze my eyes shut without a word, waiting for the impending pain that is to be caused by the cold blade of the knife as Dorian either begins to stab me or slit my throat. I admit defeat in my current state and know that there is no one to come and save me right in this moment. My heart pounds as I try to fill my mind full of memories of Till; I tell him I love him as my body tenses up in anticipation of the sharp blade. But then Dorian does something that I didn’t anticipate.

I feel his free hand slip from my cheek and down my neck, his fingertips lightly caressing my skin as they reach for the neck of my shirt. Instinctively I try to shift away from his grasp as I expect the knife to pierce my skin, but instead he uses it to effortlessly tear my shirt from the collar down to the bottom of my short sleeve. My eyes shoot open in confusion as I quickly gaze up at him and watch him make his way around to the other side of me, making the same cut on the other side of my shirt, causing the baggy sleeves of both sides to fall from my shoulders and hang below my chest; exposing my bra and leaving me with a completely new fear.

“What are you doing…!?” I ask, terrified.

“Be patient now, you’ll see…” he replies, calmly.

My heart races as he then takes hold of the neck of my shirt that now hangs below my breasts and proceeds to cut it right down the middle, all the way to the bottom of the shirt and leaving my top half almost completely exposed. He then grips the shirt tight as he pulls it from me, the cool air of the room piercing my burning skin. He tosses it aside and then kneels down and takes the blade towards my ankle, now intending to cut off my pants.

“Please, Dorian! I don’t want this!” I beg, fear running through me as he makes another cut.

“Like I said before, you don’t get a choice. So shut up and be a good little doll” he spits, continuing on with his task.

He drops the knife as he attempts to rip the leg of my pants with his hands from where he just made the cut, but fails against the tight material. He picks the knife back up and continues to cut upwards against the leg of my pants, becoming frustrated as he does. In his moment of urgency I feel the blade run against my thigh, barely piercing my skin, but enough that I can feel blood trickle down to my ankle. I let out a small whelp in surprise of the sharp blade against my skin, to which Dorian looks up at me in amusement.

“I’m sorry, did that hurt…?” he asks, an almost genuine look of concern growing in his dark blue eyes.

I know I’d be stupid to trust that he’s genuinely concerned for me, but I reluctantly nod my head in reply, praying that he’ll be more careful as not to hurt me; but that’s not the case. I let out a much louder and lengthy cry as I feel him run the blade against where he just cut, this time with intent, and much, much more pressure. I feel my warm blood fall down my leg a lot quicker now, and definitely a heavier flow. I can’t see the full extent of the damage he’s done from how I am bound to this chair, but I know that he’s created a harmful wound; I am in a lot of pain. I tense up and squeeze my eyes shut as I prepare for whatever it is he plans to do next.

He continues to cut along the material of my leather look leggings till it reaches the top at my hips. I feel uneasy at the touch of his hands on my thigh as he finishes cutting through the elastic. He then leans to the other side to begin making the same cut on the other pant leg; his hand holding my thigh tight once again as he finishes making his last cut. He drops the knife again as he takes hold of the material, the two cuts sufficient for him to be able to pull my pants right off of me, leaving me feeling very exposed. He tosses them aside and once again picks up his knife, getting to his feet and then staring me down. I nervously open my eyes to see him running his own up and down my scantily clad body, making me feel physically sick and already violated.

“Black seems to be your favourite” he snickers, making a comment at my usual lacey black underwear.

It disgusts me that he’s seen me those couple times before in my underwear, and worse; but it doesn’t compare to what I am feeling now. My heart rate picks up again as he points the now blood stained blade towards me, making me panic once again.

“Please! You don’t have to do this!” I beg, watching him lift the blade towards my neck again.

“You want to know why this is one of my favourite hunts yet?” he questions, evading my plea altogether. “It wasn’t necessary, but more of a novelty to me… and I don’t know that you’ve actually realized it yet either. But I made sure that my actions matched up with the theme of your shoot each day”

I sit there for a moment in utter confusion, racking my brain by what it is that he means. But my train of thought is interrupted by the pain of a piercing blade running down the side of my neck. My breathing becomes quick and panicked at the sensation that he has just caused me after I let out a whimper in pain. It wasn’t deep like the last cut that he did, the blade barely piercing me as it slid across my skin; but cutting it just enough that I can feel blood trickle down my skin, like it did the first time. I feel the cool blade follow the trail of blood down to my collar bone and I brace myself for more pain.

“For example, the day that your theme was ‘Lust’, I sent you that photo of you naked…” he continues, letting the blade run across my collar bone.

I wince in pain as the knife grazes my skin, leaving a small trail of blood behind it.

“‘Envy’, when I threatened to hurt you for kissing Till at that restaurant” he spits, placing the knife at my waist and slowly dragging it across.

I cry out at the painful sensation as I feel little trails of blood run down to meet my panties.

“‘Wrath’, when I pretended to try and kidnap you, just to scare you even more” he smirks, lightly slicing the blade against the top of my thigh.

I hiss at the pain it causes, but I look down to investigate the fresh would, the only one I can properly see from how restricted I am from being tied to this chair. I watch the dark red blood slowly rise up and then run down my inner thigh, the warm liquid starting to pool in between my legs on the chair. The cut doesn’t look deep though and I’m fortunate at how sharp the blade is. If the rest of the cuts are the same as this one, they shouldn’t be deep enough to leave a scar; but that’s if I’m lucky enough that Dorian lets me leave this place.

“And ‘Greed’” he says, dropping the blade to the floor. “When I originally had planned to take you and had left you all those Polaroids of you and Till fucking”

His hands suddenly grasp my face after his disgusting words and then proceeds to lean forward and forcefully start kissing me. I can’t move away from his tight grip and the stubble on his face pricks harshly against my skin. I panic as his tongue forcefully invades my mouth and my body responds instinctively. In hind sight it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I bite down hard on his tongue, causing him to jump back in pain. His hands release their grip on my face as he reaches up to his mouth. He opens it to inspect his tongue with his fingers, and I see a small amount of his blood upon his fingertips. My heart races as his gaze returns to me, angry and full of rage.

“How dare you?! Fucking bitch!” he spits, striking me across the face with his blood touched hand.

His hand strikes hard and my face is forced to the side, hanging there motionless as the feeling of disorientation overwhelms me once again. My ears ring with a high pitched noise as I groggily open my eyes. The force of the hit has blurred my vision, and I slowly try to blink away the haze. My skin aches and my lip is pulsing. I feel his hand grasp my chin and then violently turn my head to face him. His grip on my chin is strong and it hurts as his fingertips press into my skin. I try my best to focus on him, but I’m in a dazed and dizzy state, unable to pull away from his grasp.

“That wasn’t very nice of you, little Doll…” he says through his teeth. “I think it’s time I taught you a lesson…”

He pulls his hand from my chin hard as he walks away from me. I frantically try to blink away my blur in my eyes as I desperately try to focus on what he’s doing. My face aches and my heart pounds in my chest as I watch him kneel down to shuffle through his black duffel bag again. If he pulled out a sharp knife from that bag, I don’t want to know what else is in there that he deems fit for ‘punishment’.

I still feel quite off and disorientated from his hard hitting slap, but my vision finally adjusts itself and I watch him remove something from his bag. He sets down what looks like a small car battery on the floor, and then reaches back into the bag and pulls out something else. It’s an odd looking device that has what looks like a glass wand attached to a large plastic handle that Dorian grips in his hand. He brings both items over to me, setting the battery down on the ground, and then proceeding to connect it to the wand looking device.

“What is that…?” I ask in my groggy state.

“Glad you asked” he replies, smiling up at me wickedly. “This is an electro pleasure device that some BDSM people use for pleasure. But this will be more for my pleasure, rather than yours, as this is a little different to your average electro toy. They’re generally made to create nothing more that tingling sensations, or little zaps. But I wanted something a little stronger, so I found this bad boy on a domination website on the deep web. Purposely made for pain rather than pleasure; perfect for teaching you a little lesson…”

“Dorian, please, I’m sorry! I beg you! Please don’t!” I cry, retreating as far back on the chair as I possibly can.

“It’s a bit late for that little doll, you made me bleed…” he says running the cold glass wand against my cheek, making me pull away from it in fear.

“I didn’t mean to, Dorian! I’m sorry!” I continue to plead, but it’s not use.

He kneels down to the little battery and turns it on, the glass conductor filling with stands of dancing violet light. He adjusts the knob on the battery pack and then turns to face me, fire in his eyes.

“Now, this will emit a constant flow of light electricity; it will feel like a pleasant and stimulating tingling sensation on your skin. But when I press this button here, on the handle, it will send a charge of electricity to whatever strength I’ve set it to” he explains, his expression glowing with his wicked smile.

I pull my head away from him as he lifts the wand towards my face. He lightly runs the wand along my skin and down my neck, giving off a tingling sensation like he said it would. Under different circumstances, like if Till was to use this on me, I’d probably enjoy it; but this is different. He’s using this for his sick twisted pleasure, not mine, and I’m terrified for when he eventually hits that button. He traces the wand down to my shoulder, causing my skin to rise in goosebumps as he does; but then he stops and gradually runs it back up to my neck, moving it in circles to which I assume he’s decided on his first spot. I begin to panic as he holds the wand still, the constant tingling sensation doing nothing to help control my fear.

“Dorian, plea… AH!” I whimper, as he hits the button and a shock of electricity pulses onto my skin.

“That’s a good girl now…” he grins sadistically, leaning back down to the battery to turn up the voltage.

He assumes the same position again, tracing the tingling wand over my skin, but this time tracing down the middle of my chest and in-between my cleavage.

“Please, Dorian… I don’t like this!” I plead, hoping that he’ll spare me from the stronger charge he has lined up.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to like it… it isn’t for you to enjoy” he replies, bluntly.

I know it’s obviously not for me to enjoy, who would enjoy being cut and shocked? But then the thought crosses my mind as I stare at the camcorder and its flashing red light; maybe it’s not for Dorian to enjoy either. If this whole stalking game has been to scare me into a state of fear for his artwork, and this recording being his artwork, then this recording must be intended for something; or someone. I mean, of course Dorian could just be filming it and adding it to some sick private collection he keeps of all his other ‘models’ he’s kidnapped; but it could also be intended for someone else. If Dorian really is doing this for an artistic purpose like he claims he his, Artists don’t usually keep their work to themselves.

“Dorian, please… stop…” I whimper as he caresses my breasts with the tingling and pulsing wand.

He has an evil smile on his lips and a devilish look in his eye as he excitedly watches the prickling violet strands react on my skin. He proceeds to run it over my bra, stimulating my nipple through the lacey material, unwillingly forcing it to arouse with the sensation. His smile grows bigger with the display of my nipple hardening against the thin black material. I have no control over what the tingling sensation does to me, but apart from my aroused nipple, I feel physically sick. Right now this doesn’t feel good, I don’t want it to feel good, but my body is betraying me; and Dorian is loving it.

He shifts the wand over to my other breast, circling it around my nipple until it hardens like the other. I notice him bite his lip as he stares down at his hand that is pushing and prodding my nipple over my thin bra with the tingling glass wand; obviously starting to enjoy what he’s doing to me. I can barely stand what he’s doing to me already, let alone him getting excited over it, especially seeing as it’s causing me pain. I don’t want to take any more of it.

“Stop it!” I yell, startling him from his focused gaze.

I almost instantly regret speaking up as the look on his face turns cold again. His piercing blue eyes stare mine down for a moment, sending chills down my spine before returning his gaze to the wand without a word. He shifts the wand from my nipple and begins to trace it over the tops of my breasts again, the tingling pulses making my heart race once more. I can tell I’ve made him angry, as like he did before his motions slow until he stops the glass over one spot; running it around in a small circle, prepared to cause me pain again.

“I’m sorry, plea…AH!” I scream as he presses the button on the handle without hesitation.

The shock was a lot stronger than the one made on my neck, and the top of my breast stings from where he has unleashed the current. He wastes no time and continues tracing the wand around again. He guides it down my cleavage and begins to run it all over my abdomen, the tingling sensation almost tickling me. It isn’t till he runs it over my hips that he actually tickles me and I jump in the chair. I really wish that I could have stopped myself from doing so as I see a smirk appear on his face.

“A little ticklish, are we?” he snickers, circling the device over the spot that had caused me to jump.

I try to sit still but can hardly contain my movements as the tiny current teases my ticklish skin. I go to answer no, but before I can even open my mouth he presses the button, unleashing the strong charge onto my skin making me scream out in pain.

“Yes, that’s a good girl. Scream for me, let me hear your pain…” he smiles wildly; my uncontrollable wailing apparently getting him off.

I squeeze my lips together, trying to hold in my cries of pain as to not comply with his wishes; but it doesn’t help. As he zaps me again, my pressed lips do nothing to smother my cries as my mouth is forced open from the pain. I can suddenly taste the blood on my mouth from where his slap struck, apparently splitting my lip. I pray that my situation doesn’t get any worse, but then he bends down again, adjusting the voltage once more.

“Please… please…” I wail, not wanting to feel the pain anymore.

“Scream for me” he demands, holding the wand at my side again, but holding the button down this time.

I let out a blood curdling cry at his command as he sends a constant flow of crippling voltage onto my skin. I shake in the chair as the current flows through my skin, overwhelming my mind and my body. If this machine was designed for pleasure, it definitely wasn’t for the pleasure of those being used on; this is absolute torture. I hear him chuckle in amusement as he releases the button, freeing me from agony. I pray that my torment is over, but it’s only just begun as I feel the glass tip trace over my belly button and down to a place I really don’t want it to be.

“No, no, no, no, no…” I blubber; my tears starting to escape my eyes as the pain and my emotions begin to overwhelm me.

“Shhh… it’s nearly over…” he hushes, placing a finger to my lips as he shows off his wicked smile once again.

His hand leaves my mouth and I feel him trace the wand over one of my thighs.

“Please…” I start to beg, just knowing what he ultimately plans to do.

“Don’t make me repeat myself…” he replies, referring to how he just told me to be quiet.

As much as every fibre of my being screams at me not to, I comply this time, knowing from experience that disobeying will lead to a much worse fate. I sit there in silence as tears stream down my face as he runs the pulsing wand across my bare skin; caressing one leg and then the other. He does this for a while before he starts to get bored and begins to move it somewhere I definitely don’t want it to be. I try my best to comply and hold still as he starts to trace the tingling wand across the top of my panty line, but my body instinctively reacts and my knees comes together in protest.

As much as I didn’t want to defy him, I can’t help but try and keep my legs shut; that is until he forces them apart with his hand, effortlessly taking control over me once again. He keeps one of my legs pinned open on the chair, and my other leg is tied down enough that I can’t cross it over enough to make any difference. He continues on as he was, lightly moving the wand all around my panty line; the tingling sensation arousing me against my will. My tears fall as I feel sick at this perverted creep forcing me to pleasure for his own twisted motive.

I let out a distressed whimper as the pulse inevitably moves from my panty line to trace over my actual panties; the dancing violet lights prickling my lips as he slowly caresses it up and down my lacey underwear. I try to keep my mouth shut as he attempts to provoke a reaction out of me; but it’s all for nothing as he stops the tingling tip upon my clitoris, driving me to whimper at the forced pleasure and the utter disgust for myself right now as I feel myself starting to become unwillingly wet. I start to try and shake myself loose from his grip, desperate to release myself from this twisted torture; but he persists at maintaining that same spot, smiling at me cruelly as he begins to massage and prod at my pulsing clit. I pray that he stops as I really don’t think that I could live with myself if he were to make me cum.

But suddenly his eyes flash a wicked glare at me right before he moves the wand, placing it against the skin between my leg and my groin, and holding down the button again; forcing the strong and unbearable current through me, making me scream out in pain as a sadistic smile consumes his face. He laughs as my body contorts against the chair, reacting to the torturous shocks. He finally releases the button on the wand and I just sit there, gasping for air as I try to pull myself together. He probably thinks that it’s torture that he didn’t let me climax just now, but that last agonizing shock felt much better than him making me cum ever would; at least I can live with the thought of being shocked, I wouldn’t be able to if it were the latter. But the shocks that he’s giving me are overthrowing my senses and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. But then I see him set the wand down and turn off the battery, pushing it aside before looking back up to me.  

“Have we learnt our lesson?” he asks, keeping a straight and intimidating face.

“Y-y-yes…” I splutter, agreeing and trying not to break out in hysterics.

“That’s a good girl now” he smiles, giving me chills again. “Maybe I can make it feel better…?”

My heart stops at his words as I know exactly what he probably intends. I want to say no but that knowledge of disobeying and making things much worse sticks in my head, and all I can do is sob as I helplessly shake my head. I watch him stand up and then begin to straddle me; sitting down on top of my legs, the weight of his muscled body helplessly pinning me down even more. He takes my head in his hands as he tilts my head to the side, his face nearing closer to ultimately rest his lips against my skin. He begins to lick and kiss at the tender spot where he had only moments before zapped me, causing my helpless body pain at the command of his finger. His tongue dances and twirls at the sensitive and stinging spot in his effort to ‘make it feel better’. I compliantly sit there in silence as he continues to do as he likes, but my tears start to fall again as his hands leave my head and neck and wander down to cup my breasts; his fingers fondling me over my bra as he pleases.

I feel my nipples hardening again against my will as his thumbs press and trace around them, stimulating them till they’re fully aroused. Little whimpers of distress escape my mouth as he begins to tease and tweak them, playing with them in his fingertips while all the while his tongue continues to caress my neck. My little outcries do nothing but urge him on; and that’s when I start to feel him grow against me. This new unwanted feeling pressing against my bare skin makes me feel sick, but then I find his hands wandering down to caress my abdomen. His fingertips tracing over wherever he likes, teasing and tickling my skin to his amusement. His mouth finally leaves my neck as he suddenly decides to get up off of me.

He stands back, but only far enough so that he can kneel down in front of me, forcing himself in between my legs. He leans forward against me, his tongue tracing over every spot on my waist where he had zapped me; his hands rest on my thighs, his fingertips tracing my skin and making me quiver. It isn’t long before one of my biggest fears begins to unfold right before my eyes, and his tongue leaves my waist and his face lowers down to my groin. He starts leaving kisses against my inner thigh on both of legs, before a smile spreads across his mouth as his eyes lock on to what sits before him.

“Someone’s a little excited…” he smirks, his eyes getting a clear shot of my panties.  “I guess it didn’t really hurt all that bad…”

I feel sick and I can’t help myself from yelling out _‘STOP!’_ as he forces my legs open even more; his hands pushing against my knees, stretching my groin painfully. My tears stream down as my sobs escape, unable to hold back my distraught emotions. My body shakes in repulsion towards his actions, as he willingly violates me without remorse. My stomach churns and I feel physically ill as buries his face in my groin, eagerly licking and lapping at the stinging red mark against my leg where he left his final blow from that evil wand. I cry out in pain and disgust, begging for him to stop, praying that he’ll show me mercy; but he doesn’t quit. His thumbs start to trace circles over my knees as he continues to violate me with his tongue, ever so close to my panty line, and I can tell that he’s getting ready to make his move towards there.

My chest aches as my heart pounds, beating faster and faster as my panic builds. My eyes burn from my salty tears, and my skin stings against the cool air; the physical abuse caused by the knife and electro wand hurting against its light touch. I muster up all my courage to speak up as he lifts his head to face me, his violating tongue licking his lips.

“D-Dorian… you d-don’t have t-to do this…” I stutter through my tears.

“But I want to…?” he replies, looking at me as though I’m stupid.

“I don’t want you to!” I cry out, hoping one last plea will be my saving grace.

“I don’t care…” he says bluntly, dashing all of my hopes away.

My tears stop all on their own, and I figure that my body has accepted that there’s just no point; he’s going to do whatever he likes either way. I tilt my head back against the chair and I stare at the ceiling; the bright lights blinding my vision and disorientating me, numbing my senses. I feel his hands wander closer to my groin, but I don’t try to fight it, I simply succumb to the atrocity that he is about to commit; damning my dignity, and also my mind in the process. I feel his fingers trace along my panty line, but I sit in silence; not reacting, just accepting my fate. Apparently this is all I was destined for, to sit here frozen like a toy on a chair; I sit there, silently, like the little doll that I am…  

_BANG_

I shoot my head straight forward in surprise at the startling noise. My vision is impaired as I’ve just spent the last few moments staring into the bright light on the ceiling, so I can’t quite see what has caused it. I squint as I look straight ahead, and from what I can make out, I do believe the door has been busted open; the large figure running towards Dorian and I being the giveaway. From the trauma I have been put through tonight, my first reaction to the nearing figure is fear. I can’t make out who it is; so why he’s here or what he wants is unknown to me. I let out a scream as I turn my head and close my eyes, preparing myself for whatever is to come from the large figure. I brace myself for the impact of a fist or whatever else it intends to throw at me, but nothing… nothing but the sensation of Dorian being pulled from me.

My eyes shoot open and I turn my head to face forward again, terror filling me as the figure slams Dorian to the ground and begins laying into his face with his fist. I cry out in fear as I watch the blood being beaten from his face; his eyes rolling back in his head and his mouth filling with blood. I almost can’t see the skin on his face from the amount of abuse that he’s receiving, and I begin to have a panic attack. Watching Dorian receive this treatment after what he’s done to me should fill me with nothing but joy, you would think; but all that’s running through my mind is what the intruder is about to do to me.

But my attention is shifted again as more figures rush through the door, and I begin to cry out again in fear as I see their silhouettes holding guns. My tears blur my vision even more and the lack of oxygen to my brain from my hyperventilating makes it harder to focus; but I can make out that the newly arrived intruders are pulling the large man who is beating in Dorian’s face, off of him. One of the men race towards me, kneeling down at my feet.

_Are you okay?_

I hear him say.

_We’re here to help you, you’re safe now._

He continues, beginning to untie the rope from my legs.

I try to focus really hard on the man before me, and through my blurry vision, I realize that this man is a police officer. I see another one rush behind me, beginning to fiddle with the old rusty cuffs that are attached to my wrists.

“Help me!” I wail in distress, scared and overwhelmed by everything that is unfolding before me.

I furiously try to blink my tears away, and I see in front of me, the large figure wrestle his way out of officers arms. He charges towards me and I look away in fear again, squeezing my eyes shut as hard as I can.

“Please, don’t hurt me!” I wail, my still uneasy breathing causing my chest to ache horribly.

I feel the officers hands leave mine, and it feels as though the large man has pushed him away. My heart beats faster; especially once I feel him take the rusty cuffs in his hands, breaking them apart effortlessly, one after the other. My arms drop to my sides and hang there as I don’t have the energy to even lift them onto my lap. I look down at my side to view one of my dangling arms, my wrist now free from imprisonment. I see the officer finally finish releasing my legs as well, but he’s suddenly pushed from my view and the large figure appears before me again. I squeeze my eyes shut once more, the unknown man who had only moments before nearly smashed Dorian’s face into a pulp, terrifying me as to what he plans to do to me.

“Lucy! LUCY!” the man yells, taking my hands in his and gently shaking them.

I don’t understand how knows my name, and my breathing grows worse as I start to panic more. I suddenly feel one of his hands hold my face, but I pull away in fright.

“Lucy, open your eyes! Look at me!” he demands, turning my face towards him and holding it still in both of his hands.

My heart races as I slowly pry my eyes open to look down at the man in front of me.

“Snap out of it Lucy, it’s me! It’s Till!” he cries, his voice becoming shaky.

Till…

Like a switch flicking in my mind, I’m suddenly released from my delirious and panicked state as I realize it’s actually my German man kneeling in front of me. I blink hard as I try to move the tears from my eyes, my vision finally adjusting as I focus onto Till. My hyperventilating ceases but my heart continues to race as I take the sight of him in, not out of fear this time, but out of relief.

I’m saved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a new chapter. All 6,487 words of it ;)  
> There are new chapters to be uploaded SOON.  
> I hope you all enjoy this twisted chapter and that I haven't pushed the boundaries too far.  
> Either way I don't care, I love shocking you guys, haha.  
> I would LOVE to hear your thoughts in the comments!


	27. I'm Here Now

“Till…” I stutter, before breaking down into an emotional mess.

“Shh, shh, shh, I’m here now…” he smiles with heavy eyes.

I want to launch myself onto him and wrap my arms around him, screaming to the world how thankful I am. But as I said before, I barely have any energy left from this torturous evening, so all I can do is cry. But from not being held back by the chains any longer, there’s nothing to keep me in place as my exhaustion overwhelms me and I begin to fall forward. Till’s hands leave my face as he stops my fall and catches me in his arms. He leans me back against the chair again before standing up and walking to my side. He then bends down to ever so gently scoop me up; careful not to cause me any more pain. He carries me past the blinding lights on the stands, then past the camcorder with its distressing red light, still blinking. He walks past police officers who are tending to Dorian’s motionless body, past the rows of shelves full of cameras, and then out the door of the studio room. He carries me up a case of old wooden stairs till we’re out of the basement, and in what seems to be Dorian’s house.

I glance around as Till navigates his way to the lounge room, taking in the surroundings and thinking to myself that it seems like such a normal house. Photographs of travels, I assume, cover the walls. Pictures of landscapes, and of him at popular landmarks, and with friends. But one photo in particular catches my attention; it’s of him and a girl. It’s a happy photo of them at a party, but as happy as it seems I can’t bear to think what happened to her. I can hardly imagine a psychopath like Dorian being able to keep friends, so assuming her as being one of his previous victims, I can only imagine how many other girls he led to their demise. Were all of his previous ‘models’ treated the same way as I? Were they all stalked and tortured? Did all of them leave and continue on with their lives… or am I the only one…? I guess all will be revealed soon. But, am I ready for the truth?

Lucky for my exhausted state, the bad thoughts are easy to shake and I just continue to stare. Such a normal, clean and tidy house; you would never suspect that a crazed predator would live here. Everything was so normal; Dorian’s image, his personality, his job. Everything was normal about him, so none of us could have foreseen what was to come.

Till sits me down on a sofa, lifting my legs up to lie on the chaise end. He kneels on the floor next to me and my heart breaks as I watch his do the same; his eyes welling up and his hand reaching to cover his mouth as he gazes over my tortured body. My skin is stained with my blood caused by the painful cuts Dorian left all over my body, and tender marks from where he’d shocked me with the wand, large areas of skin around it already beginning to bruise. A tear escapes his eye as he studies my face; the two hits that Dorian had caused obviously not leaving a pretty mark.

I shiver as I lie against the back of the couch, not from being cold, but more from shock I assume. Till begins to remove his jacket as he notices me to do this, meaning to help cover me up. He gently places the large leather jacket over me, the length of it long enough to thankfully cover my panties as well.

“Is that better Lu…” he begins to ask, but stops after resting his hand on my shin; his fingertips wrapped around to touch something he wasn’t anticipating.

His touch leaves me as he brings his hand into vision, showing his fingertips covered in blood. His gaze shifts back toward my leg as well as his hand which gently turns my leg outward, to reveal the nasty cut that Dorian had left on the inner part of my leg from when he had first tried to remove my pants. The cut is deep and painful, fresh blood still managing to trickle out down my leg and onto the sofa. If it’s still bleeding after all this time, I think it’s safe to assume that I’ve probably lost quite a bit of blood; which is probably part of the reason why I feel so exhausted. Till’s expression turns to that of shock and concern, but this is also my first time viewing the inflicted wound as well; the severe and bloody sight making me feel physically sick, causing me to look away.

“We need a medic in here!” Till yells out to the police officers who are busily roaming about the house.

“They’re on their way, they won’t be long” an officer comes over to reassure us before hurriedly returning to resume whatever it is he was doing.

Till’s gaze quickly returns to inspect my leg once more, his fingertips ever so close to the opening of the wound, causing me to cry out in pain.

“I’m so sorry Lucy, but I have to stop the bleeding. I don’t know long we have to wait for that ambulance to get here” he says, looking at me with pain in his eyes.

He then pulls off the black t-shirt that he’s wearing; exposing his bare skin as he begins to wrap it around my bleeding wound. I cry out in pain again as he tightens the knot, needing to apply some pressure to help stop the bleeding. He then quickly gets up from the floor and sits on the chair next to me, gently pulling me into his arms, leaving me to lie against his chest as he carefully wraps his arms around me. Right now I know that I’m still in shock and am not fully comprehending things, but I feel a little better in the safety of Till’s warm embrace; but it’s still not enough to stop my tears from falling.

“Hey now…” he hushes, beginning to rock us both gently. “It’s alright now, I’ve got you. No one can hurt you anymore”

His words sound like heaven, but they only make me cry harder; the reality of this whole situation actually being over and done with making me overwhelmed.

“I am so sorry Lucy… this is all my fault” he begins, his voice pained and heavy. “I can never forgive myself… I should never have left y…”

“It’s not your fault…” I interrupt him, desperately not wanting him to take the blame for this. “You didn’t know this was going to happen… nobody knew this was going to happen…”

“I know, but…” he answers, but is interrupted again as we notice an officer make his way towards us.

“Hi, I’m sorry to interrupt; but I need to take your statement” the officer says, holding onto a small notebook and pen.

“You can do it later…” Till says to the officer, bluntly.

“Um, excuse me?” the officer asks, not sure if he actually heard Till correctly just now.

“I said, you can ask her for it later” he says, repeating himself. “She hasn’t even been seen by a medic yet and you want her to tell you what that perverted monster has done to her, making her relive it over again?”

“Sorry, I need the statement though” the persistent and arrogant officer continues.

“Fuck off. You can have it later…” Till commands, not having another word from him.

I feel thankful for Till saying that as I watch the unimpressed officer storm away. I know that I definitely need to give a statement, and relive it all again as Till said; but right now is too soon. I don’t want to have to voice the images of what he did to me that are still playing over and over in my head. I don’t necessarily want Till to hear it all either; it’ll break his heart having to hear it all.

My gaze wanders aimlessly around the room, watching policemen hurrying back and forth. But the rush of officers seems to stop as men in suits begin to fill the house; some heading down to the basement, others staying upstairs to search everything and take pictures. It’s a rather surreal sight and I begin to wonder who they are, but it isn’t long before the medics finally arrive and they steal my attention away.

 As they rush to my side I see Till breathing a little easier; I think he was quite worried about my leg, or maybe the loss of blood I should say. They wheel a stretcher into the room and Till effortlessly lifts me onto it for them; following closely behind them as they wheel me out of that hell house. They load me into the ambulance and begin checking my vitals straight away. They insert a drip in my arm and place an oxygen mask on my face as the van begins to drive away; leaving that house and that awful basement for good.

I feel the sensation of relief come over me as the ambulance drives further and further away. I know my hardships are not over yet as I still have many obstacles to overcome; but seeing Dorian finally in the custody of those officers, I can breathe easy knowing that part of the nightmare is over.


	28. The Man In The Black Suit

The drive to the hospital didn’t take long because of the ambulances’ helpful sirens; but Till sat by me the entire time, holding my hand tight the whole way. When we arrived at the hospital they rushed me into the emergency ward straightaway. Whether everyone gets sent here on arrival, I don’t know, but I personally didn’t think at the time that I was classed as an emergency.

They wheeled me to a section of the room that was partitioned by light blue curtains. They immediately got to work as Till attentively watched from a distance, keeping out of the doctors way.  One person made it their job to clean the dried blood that covered me, wiping it away to properly inspect my wounds. While another two doctors began on my leg, carefully removing Till’s blood soaked t-shirt and disposing of it.

The man cleaning my cuts used some antibacterial solution that made them burn and sting. I cried at the pain that it caused, but I was more worked up about them cleaning the devastating wound on my leg. Lucky for me however, because of how deep the cut was they ended up giving me a local anesthetic; not only so I couldn’t feel the pain they would cause by cleaning it, but I was also in need of quite a few stitches. They cleaned all my wounds, stitched up my leg and also gave me blood, seeing as I apparently had lost quite a bit.

To cut a long story short, once they were done cleaning me up, they ran a few tests. The main one being that they needed to check my heart because of the electric shocks that I had received. Fortunately for me, Dorian hadn’t used too strong of a voltage, otherwise the doctors told me it would have either resulted in muscle or nerve damage; or worse yet, cardiac arrest. They also checked me out for any sexually transmitted diseases seeing as Dorian’s saliva entered my mouth when he had kissed me. The thought of me catching something from him terrified me, but thankfully the tests came back all clear.

They then put me in a hospital gown and took me to a private hospital room where I was to stay for the next few days. Luckily for me, the small sofa chair that sat by the window actually folded out to be a bed, so I felt a lot better that Till could spend the duration of my stay here with me as well. I’ll admit I definitely felt sorry for my large German man, he barely fit on it at all; but he honestly didn’t seem to mind, he made it very clear that he never wanted to leave my side again.

So the next day after I managed to get some drug induced sleep, two police officers were already there, ready and waiting to take my statement. Till insisted that it was still too soon and that I shouldn’t have to if I don’t want to, but I knew that I had to give one sooner or later and that I’d rather just get it over and done with. I really didn’t want Till to be present when I recounted all of the awful things that had happened, but he insisted again that he should be there for moral support – which I did end up needing.  

I started from the very beginning, telling them how I stayed at Richard’s and then how he dropped me back home because he had a flight to LA to catch. I told them how I was going to stay home and wait for Till, but that the thought of staying there when the stalker knew where I lived was too much for me to handle, so I decided to go to the bar. I explained how Dorian had approached me and offered me a place to stay at his, but that I declined, so he offered to drive me home instead. I recounted him knocking me unconscious in his car when I had figured out that he was the stalker, and that when I finally came to, I found myself chained in his basement.

The rest of my experience was a lot harder to tell, as well as almost unbearable for Till to hear; but he held my hand as I said it all, keeping me strong as I forced myself to recall the horrifying experience. As hard as it was for me to say, it nearly wasn’t as bad as seeing Till’s reactions; he could barely look me in the eye as I described the pain and torture that I was put through, still blaming himself for the outcome as he maintains that he never should have left. But I don’t blame Till, I could never blame him for any of it. All of this pain and torment was caused my one man alone. Dorian is the sole blame for everything. And hidden under the guise of Pete, none of us could have foreseen what was about to unfold.

Once I had told all I could tell and the officers were happy with what they had heard, there were on their way, leaving Till and I alone once more. We’ve spent the rest of the day up until now practically in silence; wasting our moments blindly gazing at the small TV that is suspended from the ceiling, taking advantage of the quiet time alone to gather our thoughts and relax. But I’ve had this thought nagging me at the back of my mind that Till knows more about the situation than he’s letting on, and it isn’t long before the question gets the better of me.

“Till… how did you know where to find me?” I quietly ask, shifting my gaze towards him.

Right now he’s laid back on his small fold out bed, his arms stretched out behind his head silently watching the TV; but he sits up with my question and ponders for a moment, thinking of how he’s going to answer my question. I watch him get up from his bed and take a seat next to mine on the chair that sits by my bed. He rubs my hand that’s closest to him, comforting me as he gives me a reassuring smile.

“It’s a bit of a long story, but it starts before I took my flight to Germany” he begins to explain. “I have a few invaluable friends back home in Germany, one of which who works for the BND; Germany’s version of the FBI. I told him about the stalking situation we were faced with and how we weren’t receiving any help. I asked him if it was alright if he could use his American contacts to see if they could find anything out, and he agreed and said that he’d let me know if he came across anything.  
I called him again asking if he’d found out anything before I boarded the plane back to New York, but he hadn’t. It wasn’t until I landed back here that I received a call from the FBI, saying that they had found a lead. The man I spoke to said he had been contacted by my friend, agreeing to help keep an eye out for this Pete guy or any other information; he went on to tell me that they had found nothing about Pete, but actually something about you”

“Something about me?” I ask, confused.

“He told me they had just come across an advertisement on the deep web…” he continues, pausing for a moment as a pained expression appears on his face, “…an advertisement for the sale of your… video”

“What…? I don’t understand” I add, confused by what he’s trying to tell me.

“I’ll explain that later…” he replies, evading the topic. “The important thing was that the ad was posted at about the same time Dorian would have kidnapped you. As soon as they found it they sent police officers to your house. They got there just before I did and had already broken in and were searching the place. As soon as they decided you weren’t there and that there weren’t any clues to be found, I got a call again from the FBI agent. He told me they had found your possible location, something about tracing an IP address to locate his computer; and that’s when they told me computer owner’s identity, Dorian.  
I couldn’t believe that it could possibly be him… I was in shock. But I didn’t waste any time, and I got a ride with one of the officers to the address they’d been given; I made him drive as fast as he could, and just in time too… I should never have left you Lucy…”

I take in everything that Till has just said and I’m pretty sure I understand everything that he’s just tried to tell me. All I can think of right now is that advertisement he had mentioned, and I need to know more. Why won’t Till tell me?

“So was he trying to sell my rape online?” I ask bluntly, kind of throwing Till off a little.

“Um… not quite…” he answers; his hand and gaze leaving mine to look elsewhere.

My concern starts to grow deeper as he’s left me even more curious than before. Looking back now I can confidently assume that Dorian’s intentions were indeed to rape me. So if it wasn’t his plan to sell the video online, than what was it? What could be worse than that, that Till doesn’t want to speak of?

But my train of thought is interrupted by a knocking at the door. Till goes to stand up but the person behind it takes the liberty of opening it themselves, letting himself in. A man in a slick black suit walks into the room; my memory immediately recalling the men that showed up at Dorian’s house last night just before I left. Was he one of those men? Till walks around my bed to meet him at the door, outstretching his hand to shake the mans as he reaches him, obviously knowing who this stranger must be.

“Hi, I’m Agent Myles” the stranger in the suit announces, shaking Till’s hand. “We talked on the phone”

 “Ah yes, Till Lindemann” Till introduces himself, then gesturing for the man to head in my direction.

Till walks back around the bed to resume his place on the chair where he was previously sitting, as the man with square shaped glasses nears my bed.

“Lucy, I presume?” he asks, outstretching his hand towards me. “My name is Agent Myles, I’m with the FBI”

“Nice to meet you…” I reply, a little surprised as I obligingly shake his hand.

What on earth is an FBI agent doing in my hospital room? Is that who all those men in suits were last night? FBI agents? I’m starting to grow a little concerned. This was a simple stalker case – and I guess a murder taking Pete into account. But nothing I would think that the FBI would need to be involved with. With the sense of Till not telling me the whole story and now this guy showing up; I have a bad feeling about this. I guess there’s more to the story than first thought.

“Lucy, this is the man who my German friend got me in touch with” Till starts to explain, “He’s the one who tracked down Dorian, which led us to you”

“Wow… thank you so much” I begin to thank the man, “I would hate to think what else Dorian would have done if Till and the officers would have arrived any later”

“Yes…” he agrees quietly, making my suspicions grow yet again. “Before I go into detail of what my little visit is about, I would first like to give my sincerest apologies for the unfortunate circumstances you found yourself in this past week. What that man put you through was criminal and contemptible; you should never have had to endure that at all. But I can definitely guarantee that that excuse of a man will never come near you or be able to commit such a horrible crime again”

“Well that’s good to hear” I reply, feeling a bit of relief with his words.

“We have a copy of your statement that you gave to the NYPD this morning, but I know you must have some questions about everything, so I thought I’d come down and clarify a few things for you” he says, making my heart start to race  at the realization that I’m finally going to get some answers. “I’ll start with saying that we’ve been trying to track Dorian down for quite some time; about three years to be exact. But we didn’t know where or even who he was. It wasn’t till Till’s contacts had approached us with this new information that matched similar cases that we were able to link the two together. Dorian moved around a lot, or his attacks were in different areas at least; he made it hard to track him as he never stayed in one place for too long. He was very good at not leaving any clues or evidence as to who he was. We got lucky this time that we were able to track his location and profile with the information Till was able to provide; otherwise who knows how long this could have continued”

“So he’s stalked women before?” I ask, assuming that’s why they’ve been trying to find him for so long.

“It’s a bit more than that…” he replies, making my concern grow. “He’s a predatory stalker; stalking is his foreplay, his goal is ultimately assault. People like Dorian don’t necessarily have to be emotionally attached to their victim, they just crave the hunt”

These words sat uneasy with me, as he spoke as if I was being hunted like some animal. I could see it in Till’s face that he didn’t appreciate it either, but I guess the truth hurts.

“They play with their victim’s minds before ultimately reaching their goal, whether it is sex or murder” he continues, making me shiver with repulsion at his words. “In Dorian’s case, what initially caught our attention was that he found a way to make a profit from his act. He would film his deeds and sell them as snuff films on the deep web”

“Is that some kind of porno?” I ask, confused; this being the first time I’ve ever heard this term.

“Snuff films are recordings of actual murders, made for entertainment and can be sold for a profit; which was exactly what Dorian was doing” Agent Myles informs me, making my heart stop with his words.

I instantly feel sick as I start to fully comprehend what I’ve just been told. Agent Myles has just explained that Dorian has been making these snuff films for years, and been getting away with it, and that I was going to be just another one of his victims. It rocks me to my core to think that if they didn’t figure out that it was Dorian, and Till hadn’t of come and saved me, I would most likely be dead right now; my murder filmed for the sake of selling it to some perverted creep on the internet for money. I can barely comprehend that this is an actual thing that happens in the world, let alone me nearly becoming a victim of it. I thought what I was put through last night was utter hell; I had no idea till now just how lucky I was, to come out alive and to have only been harmed to that extent. It’s a miracle.

“All of his previous victims have all been young beautiful girls, some even models such as yourself” he continues, elaborating. “He was making a very good profit too as he was selling detailed accounts of his stalking leading up to the event, including photos and footage. He would have made a lot of money from yours because of who you are and who you’re associated with”

“So are the pictures he took of me and Till sitting on some random perverts computer?” I ask, growing concerned that those explicit images he took are going to become accessible to the public.

“Luckily, no” he replies, letting me breathe easy. “He was going to sell everything as a whole once he had the film; at least that’s how he’s done it in the past. All of the pictures and recordings that he took will be terminated once he’s been sentenced at his trial; so you don’t need to worry about any of it getting into the wrong hands”

“Thank you, that makes me feel better” I reply, breathing a sigh of relief. “It’ll be good that we can finally move on with our lives” I nod towards Till.

“Definitely” he agrees before looking towards his watch. “Well I hate to cut my visit short but I must be going. I hope I’ve cleared up anything that you weren’t sure of, but if you have any other questions, Till has my number. I hope that you have a speedy recovery Miss Lucy, and that things return to normal”

“Thank you Mr. Myles, I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me” I thank him, wholeheartedly. “It sounds like if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now…”

“No need to thank me, I’m just doing my job” he smiles, “You folks have a good evening”

“Thank you, we shall” Till calls out as Agent Myles lets himself out of the room.

Till and I sit in silence for a moment as we both take in the conversation we’ve just shared. It seems totally surreal and completely insane the whole concept of what Agent Myles just explained to us both; but at the same time, terrifying and horrific that that could have been my reality and fate. I know the normal thing would be to break down and be hysterical at the fact that my life was supposed to end last night for the sake of a film intended for profit; but I’m in a state of shock right now and I think my brain is stopping me from fully comprehending it. I’ve been through enough as it is already.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you straight away…” Till says, quietly. “It was hard enough listening to him explain it all to you, let alone it coming from me”

“It’s okay” I reassure him, “I understand”

I’m not upset at Till for keeping it all from me till Agent Myles told me. I mean, Dorian was a close friend of his whom he thought that he could trust; I can only imagine how he must be feeling about all of this. It would be hard enough something like this happening to your girlfriend full stop, let alone one of your closest mates being the actual offender; it would have to be a shock to all of the guys.

He takes my hand again as I lean back against the pillows that are stacked behind me. My whole body practically still hurts, but thankfully for some pretty strong pain killers I’m handling it pretty well. I relax as I let out a sigh of relief that I can rest easy now; that is until my shock and the drugs wear off and the severity of the conversation we just had hits me and I fully comprehend it. But till then I’m going to enjoy this quiet and peaceful moment, holding the hand of the man I love and appreciating the fact that we’re alive and together. I’ve finally got the clarity I have been seeking and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders; things can only move forward from here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait again guys. I know I said new chapters were coming soon, even though I knew I had a weekend at the coast for a hen's night coming up (or a bachelorette party I think people from America call it)(great weekend btw ;P), turns out I was being a bit too optimistic. I have been busy as hell. 
> 
> Finally a bit more clarification for you guys, but the story's not quite over yet. 
> 
> Last update I got a comment on some constructive criticism which I really appreciated. If anyone ever has any tips or pointers of where I fell short or could have done better, please feel free to let me know. I've found that I really enjoy writing and want to do the best that I can, especially for you guys. Because at the end of the day, the story is for you to enjoy.  
> I hope you're enjoying it so far :)


	29. A Fresh Start

It’s been three days since that terrible night in Dorian’s basement, and we’re finally home from the hospital. After the doctors were happy with my state of wellbeing, in concern to me being malnourished from the stress and not eating - as well as my mental physical state, they gave me the okay to go home. It was nice being in the security of that hospital room, but it feels even better to be leaving it. I felt quite claustrophobic being confined to that small room, not really able to leave my bed, but Till didn’t really help at times either.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Till being there, he is my rock. But there were a few moments where I would have preferred he hadn’t been there. For instance, the first two days I was there and needed to shower, I was too weak to do it on my own. One of the nurses was going to be the one to help me do it, but Till insisted that he would instead. The nurses agreed and wrapped my wounded leg up making sure to waterproof it so that Till couldn’t do any harm. I really don’t have a problem with Till bathing me as I don’t care if he sees me naked, but these times were different.

I knew I felt uneasy about strangers bathing me, but for the first time, I felt uneasy about Till seeing me naked. I guess feeling that way is to be expected once you’ve had your privacy violated as bad as mine had been, but I felt terrible for it. And not just that, everytime he helped me out of that hospital gown and onto the shower chair, it broke my heart. As he would carefully wash me, he was forced to gaze upon my horrible display of wounds; the temporary (and the few permanent scars) hurting him as he recalled what I had told the police in my statement. I could tell just by looking at him that it was almost as if he was playing the story over in his head as he looked at each wound, tormenting himself and me in the process. The showers were silent and painful, emotionally and physically. So on that third day today, I took it upon myself to make sure I refused Till’s help and showed that I was strong enough to do it on my own. It’s part of the reason why I was released this afternoon, showing them I was strong enough to do things on my own. But I knew that Till could tell that I wasn’t completely myself yet, I mean, he ended up having to wheel me out of the hospital in a wheelchair because I got too exhausted from walking from my room to the elevator; but I guess he just kept quiet and let me have my way. I think he knew I needed to show some independence again. I just want things to hurry up and go back to normal.

I do know that normal is going to take a while though; I’m not daft in that sense. The doctor who looked after me in the hospital gave me a referral to a psychologist. He said (and Till also agreed) that he’d prefer to see me try and progress with my mental welfare with therapy sessions, rather than me seeing a psychiatrist and being prescribed medication. If I can progress without the assistance of heavy drugs, I will agree, will be a great achievement; but we’ll have to see how I go. I know with time things get easier, but before that happens I have a feeling things are going to get a lot worse. At the hospital I started to feel my anxiety grow. My mind was plagued with thoughts of that horrible night that Dorian tortured me, even when I would be talking to Till, it’s all I could think about. I would get nervous when Till would leave the room, and I’d always have a bit of a panic when the nurses or doctor wanted to have a look at my wounds. If it wasn’t for the medication I was given in the hospital, I probably would have been feeling the trauma of it all a lot greater; I probably wouldn’t have gotten much sleep either. It’s going to be interesting at home medication free, coping with my new demons as I try to get back to normality; and like I said, it can’t come fast enough.

I mean even the walk to Till’s apartment from the sidewalk was a feat. Normally it’d take about 10 seconds to walk from the sidewalk and into the building; but we probably would have spent the better half of five minutes outside carefully getting me out of the car and then making the slow voyage to the door, still feeling pretty darn weak and exhausted even though I’ve been bed ridden for the past three days. The walk through the lobby felt like it took forever as I leant on Till for support, but thankfully their building has an elevator. As much as I hate elevators for their teeny tiny-ness, and the thought of getting trapped in one, it was amazing knowing I wouldn’t have to walk up any stairs. Even though all I’ve been doing is lying in bed, I couldn’t wait to sit down again.

So here I am, sitting up in Till’s bed against two or three pillows, staring at the pile of books piled up against his old arm chair near the window. It’s probably been about three and a half months since I first laid eyes on it, and it still looks the same. If anything, the pile of books has probably grown. It’s at least two meters away as Till’s room is enviably pretty darn big, but I try my hardest to make out the titles on some of the books. It’s practically impossible, but it’s a purposeful distraction from the tormenting thoughts that try to invade my mind. I find myself giving up, but as I do I’m startled by Till nudging the door open as he enters with a bowl in hand. He makes his way over to the bed, grabbing one of the stray pillows near my feet and placing it on my lap, to which he then places the obviously hot bowl on top of.

“Dinner is served, my lady” he smiles, handing me a fork before he makes his way around to the opposite side of the bed, sitting down next to me. “Carbonara, your favourite. I made it just for you”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” I smile, feeling warm and fuzzy from his gesture. “Thank you”

“No problem at all” he smiles back. “I expect to see that bowl empty now…”

“After what they fed me at the hospital, I don’t think you have to worry about me not finishing it” I joke, suddenly realizing how happy I am to be able to eat a yummy home cooked meal again.

I lift my arm up with my fork in hand, ready to dig in to the delicious smelling bowl of pasta. But as I do, the shift in weight on the pillow from my arm moving causes the bowl to lose balance and tip backwards against my gut; against where I received one of my painful cuts.

“Shit!” I hiss as Till speedily pulls the bowl away and I hold my stomach in pain.

“Are you okay?” Till asks, worried.

“I’m fine” I say, taking a deep breath as I regain my composure. “It just hurt a little”

Lucky for me it was merely a bowl that knocked my wound and not something harder; the pain only lasted a short while, it surprised me more than anything. But even luckier that no pasta tipped out of the bowl either; I’m more concerned about that, I’m starving. I reposition the pillow on my lap so that it’s protecting my stomach a little more so that no more accidents can happen, then I motion for Till to hand the bowl back.

“We could have stayed at the hospital a little longer you know…” he cautiously says, gently placing the bowl back on the pillow. “We didn’t have to come back home so soon”

“I know that…” I calmly say, trying not to show that I’m a little annoyed at his comment. “But I wanted to. You know that…”

“I know… I just worry about you Lucy, that’s all” he replies, giving me a concerned look.

“I know you do, and I’m grateful for that” I reassure him, making sure that he understands that I wouldn’t have it any other way. “I just didn’t want to stay there any longer and have everyone fussing over me constantly. I just want to get back to normal”

“I know you do, Liebchen” he says softly, giving me a small smile. “I just don’t want you to try and rush things. You went through something terrible…”

“You think I don’t know that…?” I interrupt, almost a little to abruptly. “Till, what happened to me that night is going to haunt me every day for the rest of my life. The pain, the torture, even the stalking… it’s always going to be in the back of my mind, eating away at my sanity. I’m just taking control of the situation and making sure that it doesn’t get the better of me, because I want a normal life… I deserve that”

“You deserve nothing but the best, Lucy” he soothes, trying to calm me down. “You are the most kindest, most loving woman I have ever met. You never deserved to go through any of the torment that you’ve endured since I’ve known you. I know that you want things to be normal, but I also know that it’s going to be a hard road getting back to that. I just want to make sure that you’re not pushing yourself. Right now everything is still very overwhelming”

“I know, I know…” I agree, “I won’t push myself past my limits, but I still need to push. If I want to get back to any sense of normality again, I know that I need to address my fears and emotions head on. I can’t afford to lose myself to grief and despair; I won’t let myself do that”

“I know you won’t, and I wouldn’t let you do that either” he adds, his determined eyes staring into me. “But you do need to grieve. It might not be now, but some days are going to be hard. Memories or fears are going to creep back and everything will all be too overwhelming. I just need you to be aware of the reality of that”

“I am aware of it, I swear” I reassure him, making sure he knows I’m not delusional. “I know some days are going to be really fucking hard and I might not want to deal with any of it anymore… but I know that I’ll always have you”

“Always…” he smiles, leaning over to give me a reassuring kiss on my warm forehead.

“I’m just trying to have a good mentality about all this” I continue, “I won’t let this get the better of me. I deserve better”

I watch Till as a big smile creeps across his face before he looks down as he gives a small giggle as he shakes his head. The sureness of my speech becomes rattled as I wonder what could possibly be funny. Is he amused at me saying that I deserve better?

“What’s so funny…?” I ask, unsure.

“Nothing’s funny…” he replies, still leaving me confused. “You’ve just changed so much. The day we first met, you were so shy and frightened and couldn’t handle any confrontation. Now look at you. You’ve had the worst possible nightmare become a reality and you’re handling it like a completely different person. You’re so sure of yourself now, you’re so strong. I’m so proud of you…”

“Thank you…” I nervously say, my face burning up as I feel myself blush.

I wasn’t expecting him to say such things, but thinking back to how I used to be, I guess it’s all true. I really was just a frightened and quiet girl back then, tossed into a completely new world; and now look at me. I have changed, and definitely for the better. Any bad thoughts that were nibbling at my mind just now have been chased away. There are not many things that sound sweeter than someone that you love saying that they’re proud of you.

“If anyone was to get through this and come out on top it’d be you” he continues, filling me with confidence. “Especially with me, I’ll always be by your side”

“Thank you, Till” I smile, “guess you won’t have to worry so much anymore”

“I’ll always worry…” he replies, his attitude turning serious again. “Lucy, I never want to come that close to losing you ever again. You can put on a brave face about that situation as much as you like, but it’ll never cover the fact that I almost lost you that night. I can only imagine what you’re going through, but I’ve been having nightmares… Ever since that night, and even before that, when I was just the stalking. All I can think about is never seeing you again, and that kills me. We were lucky and made it out on top this time, but what about the next? I will always worry about you, Lucy. I never want to lose you. You are my everything. Do you understand?”

“Yes…” I quietly agree, a little startled by what Till’s just revealed.

Till looks at me almost in regret as he can see that what he’s said has shaken me a little; the little dose of reality against my willful intentions bringing me back down to earth. I just hope he doesn’t apologize for saying any of it. It might hurt to hear, but I needed to hear it. As shit as everything is for me, I guess I didn’t realize quite how much it affected Till. In the same aspect, I don’t even want to think about what it would be like if I lost Till. I can only imagine how terrible it would have been for him that night, being faced with the reality that he may never see me again. Or even when it was just Dorian stalking me, he would have been in constant fear everyday wondering if I was going to be hurt or taken whilst he wasn’t there. I almost feel like I should be apologizing to Till for being the reason for all his trauma; but we both know who’s really to blame.

“You should eat some of your dinner, it’s probably getting cold…” he says, interrupting me from my thoughts.

I take the fork still gripped in my hand and scoop up a generous forkful of Carbonara into my mouth, feeling so thankful as I enjoy the delicious pasta that Till made. I smile to myself as I load my fork up again, not fazed that my meal is only really warm now.

“Does it taste alright?” Till asks, curious.

“It’s delicious” I reply, a big smile spread across my face.

“Good” he smiles back, obviously proud of his work.

“Till… I have a question, about that night” I say, speaking through a mouthful of pasta.

“Yes…?” he says, a little concerned.

“If you came with an officer, why did you get inside before them?” I ask, confused as to why it was Till breaking down doors, and not a trained cop.

“Well they all got to the house at the same time, but instead of rushing in and rescuing you like I thought they would, they gathered together and were discussing what they should do;  getting a plan of attack together, or something” he says, sounding a little annoyed as he recalled the moments. “I wasn’t prepared to wait around for them as they decided what to do, so I did what any good boyfriend would do. I took charge and ran in there myself. I had no idea what he could possibly be doing with you in there, but I wasn’t standing idly by for a second longer”

“You’re amazing…” I say, taken away by his words. “I love you…”

“I love you too…” he replies, leaning over to give me a quick and satisfying kiss on the lips.

“Speaking of amazing…” I continue, “…this Carbonara is soo good”

“I’m glad you like it…” he smiles, giving a small chuckle. “It’d be cold by now though, wouldn’t it?”

“I don’t care…” I reply, humorously shoveling a gigantic forkful of pasta into my mouth.

We both have a bit of a laugh as we enjoy the little moment of happiness. For a second it feels like normal, us just goofing around like we always do; but reality, suddenly out of nowhere hits me like a truck. My brain has me flicking through all the bad memories from that night and before, forcing me to see it all, as if it were holding me down unable to escape. I guess as strong as I want be I will never be able to escape the reality of it, but I knew this much. Till notices as I swallow the mouthful that my expression changes, and he can tell that my thoughts have wandered to somewhere undesirable. All I can do is sit there in silence as I unwillingly let my traumatic memories have their way with my mind, almost the same what they Dorian had his way with my body; every thought is unwanted, but there’s nothing I can do to stop them.

“Lucy…?” Till says, removing the bowl from my lap and taking my hand in his. “Are you alright?”

“Why did he do it…?” I ask, quietly; a blank expression covering my face. “I mean, I know why he did it… but why me…?”

“Lucy… I…” Till starts, but is lost for words.

“We had such a good thing going here together… but then he had to come and ruin it all” I continue, feeling myself becoming emotional. “I was so happy. Everything had just turned around after what happened with Richard and then Dorian came and made it so much worse”

“We can turn it around again…” he says, trying to comfort me.

“I had just started becoming myself again, I was getting better…” I continue, my skin becoming heated with my building emotions. “But now I’m scared all over again”

“You’ll get better again” he reassures me, holding my hand tight. “I’ll help you through it, just like last time”

“I can’t even be in my own house!” I cry out, devastated by the fact of it. “You’re supposed to feel safe in your home, but he took that away from me…”

“You don’t have to go back there again Lucy” he replies, concern written all over his face. “I’ll pack up your things, you can move in here…”

“Take me to Germany…” I interrupt him, his expression changing to that of shock. “Pack up all my things, and take me to Germany…”

“Lucy… I…uh…” he mumbles, completely lost for words again.

“Better yet, sell all my things and take me to Germany” I interrupt again, continuing with my plan. “Sell it all and let’s just leave and start fresh”

“Lucy… are you sure?” Till asks, still in disbelief.

“Yes I’m sure” I reassure him, “I can’t go back home after what happened, and I don’t really want to stay here after everything that happened with Richard. So we have to find somewhere else to live, so why not Germany?”

“You would move to Germany, with me?” he asks, still surprised.

“I mean all your family and your friends are there, I wouldn’t feel bad anymore for keeping you from them” I reply, explaining my thinking behind it. “And you guys are supposed to be starting to do some work there again soon anyway and that way you wouldn’t be leaving me alone back in New York”

“You don’t have to convince me about it” he practically interrupts, starting to get excited. “But are you sure Lucy? You’d really leave everything behind here and go and live in a foreign country with me?”

“Of course I would. I honestly don’t care where we go, as long as I’m with you” I smile, reassuring him. “Unless you didn’t want to take me to Germany, I’m fine with wherever; anywhere would better than here right now”

“Of course I want to take you to Germany!” he reassures me, smiling ear to ear. “Nothing would make me happier than taking you back to my homeland and showing you where I grew up, and introducing you to my family!”

“That sounds great” I smile back, his excitement working its way onto me.

“We could have a fresh start there, leaving behind all the crap that’s happened here…” he continues, “… but are you sure you want to leave everything behind?”

“Till, I practically have no friends or family apart from you and the boys” I start to explain. “And lord knows after what happened with my last modelling gig I don’t want to jump back into work anytime soon. Right now I just need time to heal, and having a fresh start in a foreign country with the man and friends that I love sounds like the best way to do so”

“I couldn’t agree more…” he smiles, moving closer to me against the pillows before gently pulling me into his embrace. “I’m so happy that you want to do this… with me…”

“I couldn’t think of anyone better that I’d rather do this with” I smile, as I snuggle up tight against his warm chest. “I love you…”

“I love you too…” he replies, his fingers gently tracing over my back, lulling me into a state of calm.

For the moment, I’m free from the crippling thoughts of my traumatic past as the excitement of my revelations fill my mind with thoughts of the future. If there’s anything that can silence the past, it’s the thoughts of what could be. The trick is making sure that it’s good thoughts though and not bad possibilities; but right now, all I can see my future being is nothing but bright. All I can think of is meeting all of Till’s family and exploring his country.

As his soothing touch on my back continues to pacify, I feel my tired body start to give in and relax. I feel my eyes fall shut as his gentle fingers continue to trace circles all over my back. And before long, even the excited thoughts that dance about my mind can no longer keep me awake as I slowly feel myself drifting away. 

I will turn things around.


	30. Time For A Change

It’s been nearly a month since that horrible night in Dorian’s basement, and I can still feel his hands cutting and touching me all over my body. Every memory, every image from that night is still as vivid in my mind as it was when it first happened. I can feel his knife cutting the clothes from my body, right before he uses it to painfully draw blood from my skin. I can feel him trace that tingling wand over my skin, before sending piercing volts of agony through my body. I can feel his weight on me as he forcibly took my mouth in his, and then his wandering tongue searching everywhere that it desired. My mind may as well have been the video cassette in that ancient camcorder from that night, its red light blinking as it documented the traumatic events played out before it. My mind is a well preserved recording of that night, but I’m learning to live with it.

 It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. I’ll never be able to forget it, especially with the permanent reminders on my skin. The bruises on my face from Dorian’s forceful hand completely disappeared after about a week or so, and I was over the moon when the ones on my neck from where he choked me finally cleared up; I could barely look in the mirror without freaking out and thinking that I was suffocating. The bruises left by the wand took a few weeks and I was scared that he had caused permanent damage to my skin as they seemed like they were never going to clear up; but last week they finally faded to nothing. The spots where the voltage was turned up really high like my groin and my abdomen have still a little pinky discoloration to it and it almost looks like a small burn; but only time will tell if it’ll go away of if it’s more permanent. The cuts he had made on my neck and chest and abdomen healed up completely in a couple of weeks; but the deep one he made on my leg from when he was removing my pants, that one will be there forever. He cut me so incredibly deep and I did lose quite a lot of blood; but even though it’s nearly completely healed, I will always have a permanent scar there. A constant reminder of that torturous night and how I truly could have died. But I choose to look at it more positively. I see it a constant reminder of how I survived.

That night could have ended very differently to how it did. The video of my rape and bloody murder could have ended up on the computer of some sick and twisted asshole. The last moments of my life permanently preserved in a snuff movie, replayed over and over for the enjoyment of vile beings; the memory of me tainted forever. But fortunately as fate would have it, that night ended very differently to that. I was found and rescued from a terrible fate, and Dorian finally apprehended; locked away to never commit such a heinous crime ever again. And it’s all thanks to Till. The NYPD did nothing to help us when it was just a stalking case, as severe as it was, until Till took control of the situation and found help elsewhere. Every day I am so thankful that Till sought help elsewhere, seeking knowledge from higher up; because without that insight my life would have definitely ended that night. Because of Till, they found me. And so it’s because of Till that I’m still alive. I will be forever in his debt. I’m so lucky I have him.

I was in a really bad place for a while, even though I had such a strong mentality at the start; I maintained it, but it was hard. Apart from all the physical abuse, everything that Dorian had said to me was sending me crazy. The whole calling me ‘little doll’ made me feel like my life was a joke, as well as other things; but it was the thing that tortured me the most. Once it was such an innocent pet name, given to me by someone I once cared for very much; but the way that he used and twisted it makes me never want to hear it uttered ever again. How he used it to make me feel like a silly inanimate object really messed with my self-worth as a person. And how he kept referring to me as a canvas made me feel extremely objectified. His names of choice either being a canvas or a doll really didn’t help with my self-confidence or worth as he truly did make me feel as though I was just an object, worth nothing more than to be used for his will. You would think they’re nothing but words, but I was extremely vulnerable and impressionable in that moment of time and it really impacted me. I started to believe that I was only worth the names that he called me. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was trapped in this mindset that because he got his way with treating me how he did that it must be true what he was calling me. But it wasn’t just the names.

I hated how he referred to his stalking as a hunt. If him making me feel like an object wasn’t bad enough, him saying that he hunted me down like I was some weak animal of his really topped it off. He talked of himself as this apex predator with his plan and all; his task of hunting me being nothing but a game to him, meaning any of my actions of evasion were all in vain. He was the predator, I was his prey, and he did get me in the end. It was like I was a puppet in his own personal show, which then tied in with him calling me a doll, which would be this vicious cycle where I was stuck with me thinking I was this worthless object in his plan; to be used briefly in his game until he came across another victim, another unsuspecting prey.

I was left with such awful memories. The memories of that night and of the stalking will never leave me alone. I began to experience vivid flashbacks which only made my panic attacks worse. I developed severe anxiety which also brought on insomnia. When I am able to get to sleep I usually have nightmares, which only makes the insomnia worse as I fear going to sleep. I can tell that it’s taking its toll on Till, spending restless nights in bed with me. I know it’s unfair of me to ask him to stay as he’d be able to sleep even if he just brought another mattress in the room, but he insists to stay next to me; which I feel so grateful for.

Just like the previous unfortunate situation I found myself in with Richard, Till was there for me the entire way helping me through it, just like he is now; but this time it wasn’t enough. At first the doctor at the hospital recommended that I see a psychologist so that I could receive therapy to help me through everything. It was barely a week before that guy gave up and referred me to a psychiatrist saying that I wouldn’t be able to work through such a traumatic situation without the aid of medication.

I was really apprehensive at first, and so was Till, but it turned out to be for the best. My psychiatrist is a lovely lady doctor whom I get along with quite well. The reason I was so apprehensive about seeing her was because my psychologist wasn’t really the best. He had such a clinical vibe about him and I felt didn’t help as much as he could, but Dr. Fiona is different. Confiding in me, she said that she herself had gone through a traumatic situation similar to mine which made me feel much more comfortable with her. She had become a psychiatrist so that she could help people get through hard things like she had to; she had a much more personal understanding of it all compared to the last guy I was seeing. I felt safer about being more open about my insecurities and fears, and I have made much greater progress with her in the small time we’ve had together than what I did with the psychologist.

I am taking medication now for my PTSD and insomnia. At first it was a lot to get used to and I was quite reluctant in taking it, but it has helped quite a lot. I guess it itself was one of my fears and I just had to overcome it. And now that I have, I’m noticing much better progress. I’m not nearly as anxious and scared all the time, and I’m finally starting to get back to a normal sleeping pattern again. The flash backs and panic attacks don’t happen quite as often anymore; but Dr. Fiona is helping me to identify triggers and is teaching me how to overcome them. Don’t get me wrong, some days still are fucking hard, and every now and again I have really awful and damaging thoughts; but I’m a lot better now from when I first started. I know normal is a long way off, but it’s still the end goal, and I’m getting closer to it each and every day. With Till staying by my side, there is nothing I cannot overcome.

Things are slowly getting better, a lot better from where I first started. But it’ll be even better once we’re in Germany. Anytime things get bad, all I need to do is think of Till and I in Germany, and ninety-nine percent of the time it pulls me right out of that slump. Dr. Fiona herself has me using it as a coping mechanism for whenever things head south; happiness is the best counteraction for a disturbed conscience. Till keeps telling me stories and says all the things he wants to do and show me, and my mind is filling with excitement more and more each time he tells me something, pushing all the bad stuff back. If thoughts and ideas are making such a dramatic difference to my mental state, I can only imagine the fresh start that awaits once we touch down in that country.

We’re still in the process of wrapping things up here in New York. As much as I would have loved to have left everything behind that night I declared to Till that I’d move to Germany with him to have gotten on a plane the very next day, we still had things to finish here in New York. Top priority of course was my health and getting me back on track to normality, and then the next thing was sorting out my house. Lucky for me my lease is up in a couple weeks so I don’t need to worry about that side of things, but all my stuff was still there including all my furniture, and we couldn’t take that with us to Germany.

I vowed that I’d never take a step in that place ever again, and I actually haven’t seen it since that day Dorian attacked me. Dr. Fiona said it wouldn’t be a bad idea for me to go back and face my demons attached to that house, but I’m moving to a completely new country and will never ever see that place again, so I don’t see the point in going there and bringing up bad memories. So Till and Christoph have been taking turns in going over there and emptying the place. Lucky for me I don’t really have many sentimental items, so it was pretty much a matter of bringing all my clothes back to the apartment me to sort through and the boys sorting through and selling or donating the rest. Like I said I can’t take any furniture or things like that with me to Germany, plus I think it’s in my best interest to have a completely fresh start. Hence why practically all of my modelling clothes Till brought back for me to sort through ended up getting donated. Like I said, fresh start. So that meant getting rid of anything that tied me to being or looking like a ‘little doll’.

I should clarify and mention that Christoph ended up coming back to New York, and what a story that is. When Till had called the guys after that night everything happened and told them what went down, he asked them not to come. Partly because they already had commitments of their own in Germany to continue and that we’d see them soon enough, but also that everyone didn’t come over at once and overwhelm me. I know I would have loved to see all of the guys and I wish that Till wouldn’t have told them not to come, but at the same time I’m happy he did. I know that it would have all been a bit too much for me having to retell my harrowing story to each and every one of them, and on top of that I would have had to see their heart broken faces. It was hard enough having to see Till’s every day, let alone the entire band. I guess I was lucky Christoph was here in that sense. Him being a naturally bright and bubbly person really helped to get me through some of those dark days. But back to the story of how he got here.

He rocked up the night we got home from the hospital. I had just fallen asleep after Till and I decided we’d move to Germany together, but then I was woken by Till flying out of the bed as he heard someone opening our front door. None of the boys had told him they were coming so Till raced out to see who was breaking in. Lucky for Christoph, Till realized who he was in time before he bashed him up or something. But all the while I was in panic while Till had left me on my own. I had been woken up to Till racing out of the room with no clue to what was going on, apart from Till yelling at me to stay there. I started having flashbacks right then and there and honestly that’s probably when my PTSD started, but something was bound to trigger me eventually. Christoph definitely learnt his lesson though to let us know in advance when he was coming, especially when he saw how on edge we both were; but I was so happy that he came. Even though Till had asked that none of them come, I think he really appreciated all of the help that Christoph has leant. He’s really living up to his name of being my guardian angel.

I should also mention that Richard also visited too. I’ll be honest and say that there was a bit of tension between him and Till when he first arrived. Not because of our history as Till’s said he’s already moved on from that, but because Richard left for LA that night, leaving me alone and free for the taking. But I didn’t let that nonsense go on for long and set them all straight saying that no one could have possibly known what was going to happen that night. No one knew any better, and no one could have suspected that it was Dorian. So with that aside Richard still felt the need to apologize, but I told him there was nothing to apologize for; he’d already done so much to redeem himself when he helped me out the night before. I said we were both even and then I left the 3 guys to themselves. Those three had some shit to work through as they really hadn’t talked altogether since Richard and I broke up; but my wildest dreams came true and by the end of the night I finally saw them getting along together again. I always held some guilt about their relationships deteriorating feeling that it was because of me, so it felt amazing to see them laughing and getting along again for the first time in months. Richard didn’t stick around for too long as he’s been really busy with Emigrate, but it held promise for the future seeing those three getting along together again.

The future was definitely looking good for everyone; the boys, Till and I, but fortunately not for Dorian. Usually it could take several months or even a year or two for such a big case like Dorian’s to go through trial, but luckily Till has his influence; and also because they already had completed case files for Dorian’s previous victims. It’s just going to be a few months till it happens as they need evidence to pin each victim to Dorian and they need to complete a case for Pete. I never did get to find out if Pete had any family or who he really was, but I’m sure I’ll find out at Dorian’s trial. When it does come to his trial I’ll have to come back to New York to testify against him. As much as I never want to see that man’s face again, I’ll be there will bells on making sure he’ll be locked away to never see the light of day ever again.

He might have talked of me like I was an animal when he called me his prey, but he’s the real animal here. There’s nothing human about that man at all apart from his appearance. He truly was a predator. But I guess the tables have turned now. He’ll spend the rest of his life rotting in a cold damp cell while I live out the rest of mine in freedom. When Till saved me that night I was given the opportunity to continue on with my life. You’re only given one, so it’s my duty to live it to the fullest. Even though the road ahead of me may be hard to walk down, it’s a path that I must take and a journey that I must make. I could give in to the darkness that tries to destroy me, but I’d only be letting Dorian win. I promised myself that night that I got out of that terrifying basement that I would never give him that satisfaction, so I’ve got to keep being strong. I’ve got to keep on down that difficult track. I’ve got to keep on pushing myself and defeating my demons. I’ve got to make every decision count, always bettering myself and never succumbing to the evil that preys on my mind. I’ve got to keep on being me; proving to myself and my friends that I can and will overcome anything that gets in my path.

Because at the end of the day, like I said you only get one life to live and I refuse to let Dorian’s actions destroy me for the remainder of time I have left to live on this earth. I deserve better, whether it’s given to me or I have to take it for my own; I will work hard to get what is mine, what I deserve. It’s going to be a tough road, but it’s mine, and I won’t be alone. I’m going to give it everything I’ve got and I know that I’ll have Till by my side the entire way.

With all the terrible and horrible things that have happened to me, I still have a lot to be grateful for. So far I have led a wonderful career, I’ve found family with an extraordinary band of Germans, and I’ve found the love of my life. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t give thanks for that big German man coming into my life. He has been my rock and my reason to smile. And he will never know just how much he means to me.

Our journey together so far hasn’t been the easiest. We’ve had almost every possible obstacle thrown our way, but we’ve always come out on top. We’re definitely fortunate in that sense, but I think Till would agree it’s time for a change. As resilient as we are together, we’ve been through a lot of shit, and deserve a good change in our lives. And Germany is that change. We’ve got the chance for a fresh start in Germany, to make our lives the way we want it without any reminders of our past misfortunes. It’s going to be a big change, but it’s what we need. Everything is going to be fine from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've finally reached the end of our story.
> 
> Sorry for such a long wait for the final chapters but life has been legit crazy atm. I'm going to take a few weeks off before posting another story as life still hasn't finished being busy for me yet, but when I do return I promise you will be recieving 3 chapters a week like before :)
> 
> I really hope you have all enjoyed this story, it truly was great writing it. I'm not really a fan of thrillers, but writing one felt incredible! 
> 
> I really appreciate all the views, the kudos, the bookmarks, and of course the comments :) I love hearing from you guys! Brings a smile to my face seeing that my writing makes you guys so happy!  
> And I would like to thank the people who left critical comments too. It was brought to my attention that Dorian might have been a bit too obvious as the killer so sometime down the track I endeavor to change the story a little so it's more of a surprise (even though you guys already know what happens). But I love to hear any constructive criticism as it really helps me to improve my writing for you guys. 
> 
> Can't wait to start on another story! Hope you guys are keen for the ride :) You guys are the best!


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